tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88147313007292831612024-03-13T12:12:34.573-05:00Bits and PiecesEnjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things.
-Robert BraultMeghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.comBlogger117125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-87866730130652548902013-03-05T12:18:00.001-06:002013-03-05T12:18:02.157-06:00Update, Wisdom, and Funny StuffWell....it's stage IV. <br />
<br />
I had to get up and walk away just over typing that.<br />
<br />
Dad got his feeding tube and chemo port a few weeks ago, and is doing pretty well with the tube. Mom says he's gained a few pounds already, so that's awesome. He starts chemo tomorrow, and will be going in to the clinic once every two weeks for a four hour treatment, then taking home a 48 hour pump for additional treatment on top of it. So far, the doctors have decided to not do radiation. They did, however, sit down and talk life expectancy with my folks. Without the chemo he would only have three months left. With chemotherapy he has eight to eighteen months.<br />
<br />
I've been trying to make myself sit down and type that out for over a week now, but I just couldn't. I've been sitting here at the computer trying to bring myself to "say" it for forty minutes. But how do you find the right words? There are none. <br />
<br />
I was talking with a friend on Saturday and she asked me how I was doing with all of this. "It's like a really bad reality show," I told her. One that I can't change the channel on or turn off the TV. Most of the time it's just business as usual around here, and I feel somewhat disconnected from it all. It's been four years since the last time I was in Washington and had any time with my dad. We both hate talking on the phone. We're both incredibly private people when it comes to touchy feely stuff. So there's that natural disconnect that this is happening in somebody else's reality, and I am aware of it. Just like watching a crappy TV show. Then it all comes rushing in again and again, that this isn't just somebody else's reality, it's also mine. He is my and my brothers' dad. He is my mother's husband. He is my children's granddad. He is somebody personal to me, and this is our reality. In eight to eighteen months time, hopefully even LONGER, I am going to lose the first man that I ever had in my life.<br />
<br />
One of the ways I cope is to hold on to one good thing a day. One good memory of him as my dad.<br />
<br />
Today: I moved out for the first time when I was 18, right after I graduated. On the day that my mom drove me to Portland, my dad came into my bedroom early in the morning before he left for work. As I woke, he told me to keep my eyes closed. He gave me a big kiss on my forehead, then held me close for a few minutes in one of his wonderful dad hugs. As he rested his cheek on the top of my head, I could feel the tears that he didn't want me to see. At that moment I had absolutely no doubt of how much my dad loves me.<br />
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And a bonus: We had a rare combination of a warm day without wind on Saturday, so we took the opportunity to clean out the garage and finally move boxes to the storage shed. I made a point of searching for the box that had old photos in it, and WIN - finally found it. So on Sunday I went through and dug out the photos I have of my dad. I ALSO found the letters that he wrote to me when I was in Basic Training. Let me tell ya something.... if you haven't met my dad, he's a bit of an oddball. But dammit, he's a wise oddball. <br />
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Here's his first letter. The oddball shows up more in letters that I'll share later. <br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
18 Dec 1995<br />
<br />
Greetings Fair Daughter;<br />
<br />
there you sit in sunny San Antonio (Lackland) about to approach your first real holiday away from home. Cheer up - we do miss you.<br />
<br />
Is it anything like you thought basic would be like? Probably not. It's the job of the T.I's to break you down and make your life absolutely miserable. It'll only last 2 or 3 weeks and then the T.I's will start showing that they do have a few human traits. By the end of the six weeks you'll probably even think they are even kinda decent.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the Air Fart doesn't try to break you physically, but mentally. They need to know if you can function mentally under pressure. Anybody can get shot at and dive into a fox hole but not everyone can or needs to fix a multi-million dollar plane while being shot at. Just hang in there. When you grow old and grey like your mother (oops!) you can look back on these times and they will probably seem just as bad as you think they are now. But you will survive and be able to laugh about the whole experience.<br />
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Thanks for the 5:30 AM call on a SUNDAY. Oh well, it was nice to hear your voice once I woke up. You scared your mom and I some when we first saw the time, then when we knew you were safe we were OK. Were you ordered to call at that time. If so, that's soooo nice of the AF.<br />
<br />
OK, some quick news from the homefront. Still gray, overcast and wet. Just our typical, beautiful, December weather. (Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, Jun, Oct, Nov)<br />
<br />
Mom and I did some shopping for the boys Sat. They probably will be disappointed but they have to grow up sometime. Santa Clause love is not quantity, but a love that can't be measured by material things. I'll let them write you about they recieved from Santa.<br />
<br />
There was just enough snow in the mountains for Tony to get his first training classes in. I took him to Marty's Sat morning for a ride up and he stayed overnight. We went up Sunday and picked him up. I wanted to wait until May or June, but your mom wanted him back sooner. Go figure. Tony also got his new snowboard out of hock so he got to use it.<br />
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Brice is home on vacation for the holidays so he got to sleep in. I got up this morning and his light and radio were on. Seems he watched a scary movie last night and was afraid to turn the light out. (12 years old!) <br />
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Mom wants to know if you can read this? (*<strong>BARELY</strong>!*) Too bad, at least I write something. I'll let her do the envelope, OK. <br />
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My hads getting tired so until next time.<br />
<br />
Love, Hugs, Kisses, and very proud of you.<br />
<br />
Dad<br />
<br />
P.S. Rmember, TEAMWORK will get you through. <strike>dad</strike>, Dad, Dad, Dad.<br />
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Check out that 'stache....<br />
Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-10181550098437935432013-02-22T11:59:00.003-06:002013-02-22T11:59:52.935-06:00The Blog Post I've Been Avoiding for Over a Week.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
My mom called me last Tuesday. I love my mom dearly, but we rarely talk on the phone, so usually when she calls it's not good news. (Sorry mom.) So when I saw Mom on my caller ID as I was waiting with Brian for our food at Subway, my heart sank.<br />
<br />
Dad has cancer.<br />
<br />
I knew that he hadn't been doing well, that he's been losing quite a bit of weight and is having a lot of difficulty eating. He'd been popping Prilosec like it's candy and it wasn't doing any good. He'd been pretty much living off of milkshakes, Ensure, and soup. But it's still extremely painful for him to eat, so he went to the doctor.<br />
<br />
Mom had gone up to WA to visit him, and he gave her the news the day after she got there. He has esophogeal cancer, and at the time the doctor was thinking it was stage II or III. Dad was set to have a PET scan later on in the week to find out for sure. In the meantime, appointments galore to get things moving.<br />
<br />
Because he's lost so much weight and can't eat, he's having a J-tube put in today, as well as a port for chemo. He'll be in the hospital for 2 or 3 days. Soon he'll be starting six weeks of chemo and radiation. They got the results for the PET scan back this morning as well, and the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in the local area of the tumor. There's also a mass in his abdomen that COULD be scar tissue, but will be biopsied today while they're putting in his tube.<br />
<br />
Initally the plan was get the tube in and gain some weight, do the chemo and radiation, and decide after that if there will be surgery to remove the tumor from his esophagus. Now, if the mass in his abdomen comes back as cancerous, there will be no surgery.<br />
<br />
I don't have a lot of other factual information right now. I'd been waiting to call my mom to find out more until after they got the PET scan results back. I had texted her this morning to find out what time his appoiment was and learned he was getting his tube & port today. I'll talk with her later on today, after Dad comes out of surgery.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So...emotionally, I'm not dealing with this so well. I do research about esophogeal cancer, tube feeding, getting on Medicare early...but I don't allow myself to connect it to my dad. And then I have those "Oh shit" moments. Stupid stuff like, "OMG, he's going to lose all of his hair from chemo. Dad has such awesome hair!" I had told my friend April about my dad, and she shared with me what her MIL had to go through when she had cancer. April was with her for all six weeks of treatment. I think hearing April spell it all out was when it all became real to me. This isn't just happening to somebody I know, this is happening to my dad. And even though we're not close, he's still my dad. He's the guy that came and rubbed my back and gave me cough syrup when I was up hacking all night. He's the guy that brought me pickles as BIG AS MY ARM when he worked at Nalley's. He's the guy that sent me a congratulations card when I was pregnant with Bethany, when I felt like everybody else had abandoned me. He's the guy that reached back and held my hand when I broke down on the way to the airport to pick up Brian after my brother died.<br />
<br />
Fuck. I hate you cancer. <br />
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This is my dad, and how I'll always see him in my head & heart. <br />
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I love you dad. You old goat. Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-17459308044531827892013-01-07T12:22:00.002-06:002013-01-07T12:22:43.033-06:00THIS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Years ago I was ranting to one of Brian's friends about how finance was taking so long to get our dislocation allowance to us after Brian filed the paperwork. We had just moved to Okinawa and the transistion was expensive. I was frustrated, irritated, and dammit I wanted our munnies!!! How dare those finance people drag their feet and not do their jobs the way that I think it should be done!!<br />
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Apparently I must have been more bitchy and obnoxious than usual, because Brian's friend just looked at me and verbally smacked me with the biggest truth we all need to get through our heads. "It's not about you. Get over yourself."<br />
<br />
At the time I was vaguely offended. OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT ME. I need to pay these bills. I need to get these utilites hooked up. I need to get groceries. I...I...I... But then I realized he was right. We were one family in the Air Force. The Air Force alone has over 330 THOUSAND service members. The paperwork for our DLA started when Brian filed it in Okinawa, but it had a full process to go through before we got the DLA, and that process went all the way to Denver. A lot of people were involved in that process. And those people weren't just processing OUR DLA, they were handling the finances of the entire Air Force. We are one tiny drop in a big huge bucket.<br />
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Over the years since this conversation I've learned just how much the "get over yourself" needs to apply to so many other aspects of my life. If Brian comes home in a mood after not responding to any of my texts that day it doesn't have to mean that he's mad at me. He was probably in meetings all day and just needs to shut down for a while. If my teenager is hiding in her bedroom blasting her music, it's not because OHEMGEEYOU'RETHEWORSTMOMEVERIHATEYOU (OK, she's 15, that might be part of it), but because she's 15 and is just dancin' with herse-elf. <br />
<br />
One of the biggest "get over yourself"'s is the way we expect people to take in and react to what we say or do. We are the ones in control of what comes out of our mouth. We are the ones that have to choose our words/tone/actions carefully. Yet when somebody is hurt by what is said or done, we get offended because they didn't have the clarity to understand what we were REALLY getting at. We don't think about the fact that there may be something going on in the other person's life that will color their interpretation of what we just said. Context has impact, and not everybody has the same context. <br />
<br />
I think Carly Simon summed it up best. "You're so vain, I bet you think this song (post!) is about you..." We're all a bit narssicistic, it's inherent in human nature. We need to remember that there is so much more than what's going on in our tiny lives. And just STFU and get over it.<br />
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BTW, if you think this post was about you, it probably wasn't. But maybe it was....<br />
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Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-45948399117062966272012-09-25T09:58:00.001-05:002012-09-25T09:58:42.072-05:00PURPOSE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yup, that right there is what I've been feeling like lately. <br />
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For the life of me, I COULD NOT settle down and focus on anything yesterday. I went outside to read on my Nook seven times. Couldn't focus. Came inside to fart around on the interwebs. Couldn't focus. Tried to watch some TV. Couldn't focus. Tried to clean up the kitchen, something that REQUIRES NO FOCUS, aaaaaaand...couldn't focus. <br />
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All day long I shifted from one pointless activity to another and it was making me guano loco. I finally realized what was so off for me. I was lacking purpose. I needed a reason for my day, and yesterday I just didn't have one. I didn't have any laundry to do, didn't need to go get groceries, didn't have much cleaning that needed to be done, no errands to run. There was nothing to do and I couldn't just sit back and enjoy it. I needed a goal, a reason for my day, and I couldn't find one. It was bugging me so much that I nearly popped a Xanax. (But hey, that would have made me tired, I would have had to lay down, and DAMMIT I DON'T TAKE NAPS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. So power on through anxiety! *fistpump*)<br />
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I can't tell you how happy I was when Matt got home and asked me if I got his posterboard for his book report. "Crap, no, I forgot! BUTI'LLGOGETITRIGHTNOW!!!" Suddenly, I had something to DO. Granted, it didn't take long, but I had a "shit to get done." Just the one, but it felt good to have that goal. <br />
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I've always known that I'm a goal driven person, but I didn't realize just how much until yesterday. If I don't have a goal, a purpose, a reason set out before me, I feel utterly lost. So much so that it brings on debilitating anxiety. All of the goals for my life are currently set so far ahead of me that I have nothing to focus on right now. Instead I drift from one little task to another and feel like I'm not accomplishing anything and I go a little bit crazier. Since we're stuck in that limbo of moving, it's just making the lack of purpose even more glaring to me. <br />
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So, time to make some goals. Have a reason for being. DO SUMTHIN. <br />
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This blog post was first on my list. Crap. Almost done. Gotta figure out something more! <br />
<br />
Ummmmm....clean out the van. <br />
Maybe I'll take some Big Truck Tacos to Brian for lunch.<br />
Maybe I'll take myself on a me date and go see a movie.<br />
<br />
And force myself to accept the fact that sometimes it's OK to just do nothing. Ouch.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-40981515399376547212012-09-24T10:27:00.000-05:002012-09-24T10:27:19.323-05:00David Bowie Nailed It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Yeah...it's been a while.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
Facebook kinda killed blogging for me for a (long) while, but I think I'm back.<br />
<br />
So David Bowie has a way of nailing certain moments in life for me. Recently - you got it...Ch-ch-changes.<br />
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It seems as though when we come to big changes in our lives is when we get most introspective about who and why we are, and have more need of understanding it all. As if that could truly happen, but hey, that's part of what blogging is for. There's been a LOT of change in my life over the last year, not just WLS related stuff. Brian deployed for nearly six months last November and I...um....didn't handle it well. I realized that I am pretty much completely lost without him, and had a really hard time just functioning. When he got back I had to learn how to be a partner again, even though it had been less than six months. Going through all that can shatter your self-identity if you aren't strong in it to begin with. I've learned a lot about myself because of the deployment and his coming home. Some of it I really don't like (Ch-ch-changes!) and some I need to learn to give myself more credit for. Aaaaaaaaaaand that's all I'm going to touch on that for now. Gotta leave something for future blog entries, right?<br />
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More changes - I have teenagerS now. Beth is 15, Caitlin is 13. I love them I love them I love them. I will get through this. I LOVE THEM. They really are delightful girls: smart, beautiful, just the right bit of sarcastic (most of the time). I just see so much of me in them from when I was their ages. I'm sorry, Mom.<br />
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Matt is 9, and rockin' fourth grade. It's a challenge to get him to wear PJ's to bed, use sheets on his bed, or take a shower, but hey - he's 9, right? Please tell me that's normal. <br />
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And our last big huge change - we're moving. Most of you already know this via FB or RL. Brian got orders to Albuqurque NM, and I'm currently sitting here blogging in a nearly empty house. We have air mattresses, camp chairs, a fugly buffet table, and small TV. That's pretty much it. We move out of the house for good this Friday, into a hotel here in town for a week for the kids' last week of school, then we hope to drive out of OKC on 6 Oct. Then on to bigger and better things!!! Right? At least that's what I keep telling myself. I hate that we're leaving so many friends and family behind, we've established so many roots here over the last six years. (Will not cry...will not cry...) But as I keep telling the kids, it's a new chance to define who we are and be proud of ourselves for making a new start when we really don't want to. <br />
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I guess that's all we can really ask for...Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-30112637426032726012010-04-09T09:12:00.000-05:002010-04-09T09:12:02.998-05:00Visibility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1xN0npGwEBTouP4ELyC8IPsyAF8zkGXMgUr2KJdcnVzMq6RlpApff1rYrxxYO-69ZFIRCkWR3WtuM8DpPAjjQOzONP5-jspYbCChna3nIIPdKIQRyTw3vvVYhGJZOaCkZmwsog2pcUW2v/s1600/invisible-man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1xN0npGwEBTouP4ELyC8IPsyAF8zkGXMgUr2KJdcnVzMq6RlpApff1rYrxxYO-69ZFIRCkWR3WtuM8DpPAjjQOzONP5-jspYbCChna3nIIPdKIQRyTw3vvVYhGJZOaCkZmwsog2pcUW2v/s200/invisible-man.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Or moreover, the fact that I'm no longer invisible. I didn't realize just HOW invisible I was when I was obese, because I'm a friendly & chatty person. Maybe that was my way of forcing people to see me, I don't know. Now, though, I'm suddenly visible. And by visible I mean that when I run into somebody that I haven't seen in a long time, they're shocked. They tell me, "OH-EM-GEEEEE! You look so good now!"<br />
<br />
Now?<br />
<br />
Now?<br />
<br />
Really? So when you told me before that I was pretty in spite of my weight, what was that? <br />
<br />
My husband is even guilty of it. I know he's trying so hard and he's wonderfully supportive. Sometimes, though, it gets in my still-fat-in-my-head side of my brain that he's incredibly complimentary of the new me, if he really found me beautiful and sexy before - why didn't he say so then? <br />
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Here's the thing. I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON. The changes that everybody else is seeing are all exterior. I'm still the same person that you walked past and didn't notice, this time last year. I'm the same smartass. I think part of my problem is that all of the people that are "OMG-ing" at me never knew me when I was thin before. They always knew RoundMeagan. So when I was shocked each time I looked into a mirror and saw RoundMeagan because that was not the preconceived notion I had of myself - that's the only version of me that they had in their heads. <br />
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I have the same issue with strangers, though. Last week I was at Lowe's and was pulling a sheet of plywood off a high stack. There were no employees around to help so I decided to just do it myself. (hehe, something I wouldn't have done before. Yay me.) I got the sheet most of the way down, but those things are heavy and awkward. Two gentlemen came running to help me get the sheet on my pushcart just in time. People being what they are, though, would they have been the kind that would walk past and glance at the RoundWoman struggling and do nothing to help out? Most would have. <br />
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Ergh. I've been struggling with my renewed visibility lately, as you can tell. I need to just shut up and enjoy it. LOL <br />
<br />
In other news - I'm taking advantage of my new visibility and am selling Scentsy now. I have to work, HAVE to, and this will let me be home with the kids, too. You like yummy candles? Do you feel like you're rolling up a twenty and lighting it when you burn a patriotically-named candle? Do you like the idea of safe, food grade wax that won't burn little fingers if they decide to dip in it? Then you need Scentsy! (See, I'm good at this. LOL) I'm closing my first show today, just a little mini-launch. I'll be going with my director to a home & garden show on the 17th and will be getting the leads from that, and my neighbor is actually going to sign under me, and we're going to team up and take the neighborhood on a Scentsy ride. ;) Want to check out the website? Clicky!!! <a href="http://www.scentsationalmeg.scentsy.us/">www.scentsationalmeg.scentsy.us </a>. I'll put a link over there >>>>, too.<br />
<br />
So how's everybody else doing?Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-79525006965028583392010-03-24T11:40:00.000-05:002010-03-24T11:40:41.853-05:00Laptop Lunches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhopE8owge6GFUMkWxElDKmAeb4mK9ZBxqmHZo7J5Dw2Xz-CorcQfgyMQLbwRHN6OHqkb0aevG3Ks21bGfdKECPTaYNGbxPsEmDUIKeOLSnpOMQv1a9KAM3ks3OHjfIfNq2wDqR-mvnlqrh/s1600/Laptop-Lunch-option-2-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhopE8owge6GFUMkWxElDKmAeb4mK9ZBxqmHZo7J5Dw2Xz-CorcQfgyMQLbwRHN6OHqkb0aevG3Ks21bGfdKECPTaYNGbxPsEmDUIKeOLSnpOMQv1a9KAM3ks3OHjfIfNq2wDqR-mvnlqrh/s320/Laptop-Lunch-option-2-lg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
My kids are responsible for packing their own lunches. Lately they've decided this means slap a piece of lunchmeat on a piece of white bread (bad mom for buying it!), folding it in half, and calling it a sandwich. Stick in a piece of fruit that likely gets thrown away and they call it lunch. Um...notsomuch. Other times they "pack" a lunch and "forget" it and get a school lunch. The school lunches are loaded with fat and crappy simple carbs, and are completely processed foods. Again, notsomuch.<br />
<br />
I've always tried to teach the kids good eating habits, but lunch is one that's hard to do the older they get. I can make sure they have a healthy breakfast before school, I can serve a good healthy dinner, but lunch is out the door. Since I've had gastric bypass and they're hitting the "bottomless-pit_ growth spurts, healthy eating for the whole family is even more important. <br />
<br />
I also watched the pre-view of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution the other night. He started a re-vamp of the lunch programs in Britain and has now started in the "fattest city in the US." Seeing the resistance that he's getting from the school system and the horrible requirements from the USDA has even further steeled my resolve that it's up to ME to make sure the kids are eating healthy.<br />
<br />
Soooo...I had been playing with the idea of "Laptop Lunches" for a long time, but couldn't bring myself to order the lunchboxes because they're kind of pricey. I finally sucked it up and ordered some yesterday and they're being delivered today. YAY! <br />
<br />
There are tons of different websites that are dedicated to kid lunch ideas. Some of them are just obsessed. Please God, don't let me get that bad! They're great for ideas though, and once your head is in that groove it's easier to come up with your own ideas. One of my favorites, though, is EggFace. Shelly is another gastric bypass patient and she takes bento/laptop lunches with her all the time. They're high protein and healthy, so great for weight loss AND kids. If I have EF next to an idea, it's from her website and she's got a recipe listed. (Here's her site <a href="http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/" onmousedown="UntrustedLink.bootstrap($(this),
"a5c56c4adbec072127d56afda73ca57f", event)" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span>http://theworldaccordingto</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span>eggface.blogspot.com/</a>)<br />
<br />
So here's my list so far. I'm so excited to get the kids more involved in healthy lunches again! <br />
<br />
Leftovers from dinners. Duh. <br />
Zucchini Egg Bake squares<br />
Whole wheat veggie pizza strips<br />
Spinach & zucchini turkey meatloaf balls<br />
Ham & cheese quiche squares<br />
Mini turkey burgers<br />
Gyoza<br />
drained ramen w/shrimp<br />
Hard Boiled Eggs (Bug's new obsession)<br />
Tuna salad rolls<br />
Hummus & veggies or pita chips<br />
Tomato & mozzarella stick skewers<br />
Fruit w/ sweetened ricotta<br />
baked greek shrimp w cucumber salad & yogurt dipping sauce (EF)<br />
Mini egg bites (EF)<br />
Shrimp (coconut, southwest, whatever other flavor we can come up with)<br />
Quesadilla wedges w/salsa<br />
Pepperoni & cheese picks<br />
pudding & graham crackers<br />
taco salad<br />
PB & fruit tortilla sushi<br />
Roasted Veggies (EF)<br />
Lemony Chickpea & Tuna salad (EF)<br />
Naked chicken nuggets<br />
Meatballs (italian, greek, sweet & sour...)<br />
Fajitas<br />
Carnitas<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
That's what I've got so far. I'll add as I think of more, or as the kids do. Tonight when we're getting lunches ready I'll slice the leftover Ricotta chicken from last night into little wheels. Yum.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-51667843537118327472010-03-10T08:31:00.000-06:002010-03-10T08:31:02.810-06:00Balance<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtA2lPyLLUHHvGIbYfLlL3NvRRHVfr7fwIU1uC5onz-ETHYiJydmvYiVJktPqc1U7gMlT6XDLo47yvLCzqRV66fV_dpNZMwO_OTui_8mgc3vxhnG7QPEOGCHN4gwXNAhLeNYbVTS9Ps8v3/s1600-h/balance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtA2lPyLLUHHvGIbYfLlL3NvRRHVfr7fwIU1uC5onz-ETHYiJydmvYiVJktPqc1U7gMlT6XDLo47yvLCzqRV66fV_dpNZMwO_OTui_8mgc3vxhnG7QPEOGCHN4gwXNAhLeNYbVTS9Ps8v3/s320/balance.jpg" width="320" /></a>Ever notice that the more you try to pile on and control every bit of life, the more precarious it becomes? Eventually, the more you try to control, the harder you crash. <br />
<br />
I had come to the point that it felt like WLS was controlling every.single.aspect of my life. Every part of my day revolved around it. I had to make sure I was getting in all my vitamins, all my protein, all my water, and exercising. I speak at my surgeon's seminar as a "been there, done that" patient almost every month, and I'm a support group leader. Being a bariatric surgery patient was defining who I am.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad definition. I'm just a control freak and I want to be the one who defines who I am, not the circumstances of my life. I took a break from exercising for about 6 weeks...again. The break was mostly due to craptastic weather, kids being sick, and me being sick, but I definitely used all of the above as excuses. I didn't focus as much on how much protein I was getting in, and REALLY dropped the ball on my water. I'm lucky I haven't ended up in the hospital from dehydration. <br />
<br />
And even though I fought it, WLS still had control in my life. Lack of exercise and ignoring my protein needs left me worn out and achy, and completely without muscle tone to the point that I flat out felt weak sometimes. My skin had broken out because of the lack of protein and water. Instead of getting nutrient rich food and making every bite count I was eating crap. I pushed my limits on fat & sugar. Milano cookies? Bring 'em on! I can handle 12 grams of sugar, and two cookies ONLY have 10 grams! Yeah, a McPukes cheeseburger has 12 grams of fat and 300 calories, but it ALSO ha 15 grams of protein. I was rationalizing everything.<br />
<br />
The worst part, though (confession time) is that I've been drinking. A lot. Transfer addiction much? I started drinking around Christmas time, and I've had at least a glass of wine almost every night. A few times I've had as much as an entire bottle, by myself. There were days that I wanted a glass of wine fairly early in the day, and though I wouldn't let myself it still scared the crap out of me. I kept on drinking in the evenings, anyway. I also learned that alcohol prevents dumping for me, so I was able to take in MORE crap. Hello empty calories! Hello extra fat & sugar that should be knocking me on my butt! Brian asked me to not drink for a full week, and I managed. As soon as that week was up though, I had me a new bottle of wine! I even rationalized the drinking, and told Brian that it was just something I needed to get through. Yeah, a load of crap, and partially true, but essentially more rationalizing. <br />
<br />
I've been slowing down on the drinking. My dad is an alcoholic and that's been in my head a LOT. When I wanted a glass of wine earlier and earlier, I knew I was toeing a line. I didn't drink much last week. Brian and I did go to a winery on Saturday, and we picked up a bottle of Reisling. (I'm not a fan of white wine anymore, all about the reds.) We split the bottle on Saturday night, I had the last glass of it on Sunday night. Monday, I picked up two more bottles of red, and just about polished one off by myself that night. <br />
<br />
That was stupid.<br />
<br />
It hit me a lot harder than it usually does. I had to hold on to the headboard when I went to bed to keep the room from spinning, and it really didn't do much good. I was hung over most of the day yesterday. Even the one other time I got flat out DRUNK, at our Christmas party, I managed to not have a hangover the next day. Me no likey hangovers!<br />
<br />
So I'm done with the drinking every night. If the kids are making me insane I have to find something else to help me unwind. If I need to relax, there are other ways. To start off, I'm going to refill my Xanax scrip as soon as I'm done with this. ;) I'm back to working out, and oooooooooooooohhhh it feels so much better! I have a bottle of shiraz on the counter, and yes, I'll let myself have it...eventually. One glass, and I'll be having a "why are we having a glass of wine" conversation before I allow myself to pour it. "Because I'm the mommy and I said so" is no longer a reason to have a glass of wine. <br />
<br />
I'm finding that balance that we all need, slowly but surely. I've finally figured out that in order to have balance we sometimes need to find a different foundation. And it's OK. A new foundation gives us a new spot to look out at the world from, and after all....isn't that the whole reason we go through WLS anyway?<br />
<br />
I'm so sorry I've been gone, and especially for so long. I've been trying to re-establish that necessary balance in my life, and as happens so often, I ended up over correcting in the wrong direction. But I'm back now! Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-35972305822187166292010-01-16T23:56:00.000-06:002010-01-16T23:56:28.530-06:00The Monkey Off My Back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXyQfj5RFp75x-yRXQwznYzZnQjUMGH57yeyXsuOx9_Z3RfdztS8SWqLO3MhuIUePc0XZa3TTodbk-Uhk1aj7zWzzeGX1Q-PP8w3Kz2lsOP5fn8R71jhyu4zYIpQr4ca0UF2ecEVq4pMq2/s1600-h/untitled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXyQfj5RFp75x-yRXQwznYzZnQjUMGH57yeyXsuOx9_Z3RfdztS8SWqLO3MhuIUePc0XZa3TTodbk-Uhk1aj7zWzzeGX1Q-PP8w3Kz2lsOP5fn8R71jhyu4zYIpQr4ca0UF2ecEVq4pMq2/s400/untitled.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>This is Bethany, my 12 year old. She weighs 98 pounds (don't tell her I told you that). She's holding a 10 pound bag of flour. And that's just the weight that I lost since surgery. I may have lost up to 100 from my highest weight even before surgery.<br />
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Putting a physical picture of the weight just brings back home HOW much I was carrying around. No wonder I was exhausted all the time...Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-73737107778493118782010-01-15T07:58:00.000-06:002010-01-15T07:58:45.860-06:00GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG9-jQ_8Dq3oQBFPNDSokJFoveos_Vx1hlto4G4I9HzH3OJ64SrE94VjGT2ooRcqAEiOOrUfcsacB7CfqRa0BH4oTcIkeGm8dyDpTrWDyYfd88NOLNj1zhyphenhyphenE6TWQxDAhCpB2TsLKwdL1-z/s1600-h/goal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG9-jQ_8Dq3oQBFPNDSokJFoveos_Vx1hlto4G4I9HzH3OJ64SrE94VjGT2ooRcqAEiOOrUfcsacB7CfqRa0BH4oTcIkeGm8dyDpTrWDyYfd88NOLNj1zhyphenhyphenE6TWQxDAhCpB2TsLKwdL1-z/s200/goal.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>150 POUNDS BABY!!! 108 POUNDS LOST. 235 days. 7 months 21 days. Hours and hour and HOURS of exercise. What felt like gallons of sweat. Daily struggles to get in enough protein and water. Pushing the limits of what my new stomach can handle and regretting it every time. Learning how to read labels, knowing the protein content of any given food and if it's "worth" eating. <br />
<br />
This has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's been worth every step. Pics coming tonight! :)Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-80502710237251093132010-01-08T10:22:00.000-06:002010-01-08T10:22:42.367-06:00Oh Zumba, how I missed you.Because of all the craziness of the holiday season I missed a good six weeks of Zumba. I take that back. Not just Zumba, but any exercise at all. Not good. I finally got back to it on Tuesday and it felt so great! Well, it felt great that day, anyway. I was HURTIN' the next day, was even worse yesterday, and am finally back to the same hurt I was at on the day after. It probably doesn't help that I did 2.5 miles on the elliptical after Zumba, and then decided to try running on the treadmill after that.<br />
<br />
Even though I'm still hurting today, I HAVE to get back in the gym, at least for some elliptical time and to get on the treadmill. That's the thing about exercise that we always forget about. The more often you do it the more conditioned to it your muscles become, and the less pain you'll be in. Yes, getting used to it sucks, but having to get used to it all over again sucks even more, because your muscles just scream at you, "If you had kept up with it like you should have you wouldn't be having this problem right now, dumbass!" And then you have to concede to your muscles that they're right, and that's never fun. <br />
<br />
We also have to take the time to find a form of exercise that's fun and rewarding for us. If we're not enjoying it, we're just not going to keep up with it. It's proven in the little things through our lives over and over (and over) again. I'm sure everybody in the world (or at least in MY world) knows how much I love Zumba. But I wouldn't enjoy it half as much if it weren't for my instructor. There are instructors who shall remain unnamed who's class I'll never go to again, because I just don't enjoy myself. Joan is an incredible instructor, though. She cues for us (which is unusual in Zumba), is so incredibly animated, and you can tell that SHE'S having fun teaching. Even on the days when I go and start the class with the feeling "I don't wanna beeeeee heeeere" I always end up glad I went, and leave with a grin on my face because I've had such a great time. And more often than not, because I'm still feeling so great, I go on and jump on the elliptical or lift weights. All because I had fun. (Thanks again, Joanie, love you chickie!)<br />
<br />
So I mentioned earlier that I got on the treadmill. I HATE to run. When I was in high school I hated to sweat and I just didn't know HOW to run, so I'd end up in pain from trying or I'd just be lazy and walk. I'm working on changing my mindset on running, though. I want to do the OKC Memorial 5K in April, and enjoy doing it. I don't care about my time, I just want to DO it. Getting started when you've never been a runner, though...HOOOLLLEEEY CRAPOLY! I figured it wouldn't be so bad to start running since I've been doing so great on the elliptical. Yeah, notsomuch. Totally different set of muscles used when you run. Did you know you actually use your ass when you run? Neither did I, until my asscheeks were sore after running! Maybe I have hope for losing the elephant knees hanging off my backside after all? <br />
<br />
So now I'm going to go finish my second giant cup of coffee and drink a liter of water, and head to the gym for some elliptical and treadmill time. <br />
<br />
BTW, if you're local, tomorrow night is a Zumbathon at Crossroads Mall, in the old Steve & Barry's upper level. Admission is $10 and all proceeds are going to help the Shining Starz special needs cheer team go to Nationals. I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun! (And the Starz are going to give us a special performance!) Please come if you're local, and if you're not but want to donate, let me know and I can get the donation info for you. Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-33733188486127410342010-01-07T08:04:00.000-06:002010-01-07T08:04:47.793-06:00Diet vs. DietThe Today Show on NBC is always featuring people that lose weight, which is great. But they always say that the people did it the "Old Fashioned Way" with diet and exercise. Yeah, because Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers are from way back in the olden days. They used to hang with all the personal trainers that are so old fashioned. <br />
<br />
Here's what gets me. The word DIET. Technically there are two definitions for diet. The first is simply the nutrition that we take in to maintain energy. The second is what most people think of when they hear the word. A reduction in caloric intake. <br />
<br />
<br />
Hm.....WLS patients still have to eat and get energy SOMEhow, so yeah, diet applies there. And WLS is essentially a permanent reduction in caloric intake. For bypass patients it's even twofold, since we reduce calories by restriction and by malabsorption. It's a lifetime diet, if you want to think in "old fashioned" terms. <br />
<br />
So the Today Show can kiss my wrinkly elephant-knee butt. We WLSers are losing "the old fashioned way" too!Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-34872452573782898622010-01-02T16:26:00.000-06:002010-01-02T16:26:25.436-06:00Finally figured out how to do a real side by side collage.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh3VjAZbK6M15TcNxohep9XeV1VukxPpr9snesXzj_a6fljuEz4Qqm5ym_y1VSMzgN9anNQpDL2dmbOFjJkIkRIL0t5Ko3OII3lvjXCuF6a7YoE1cVYJLFZtKu5NV63BuLy5zZNiKhAEP2/s1600-h/beforeandafter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh3VjAZbK6M15TcNxohep9XeV1VukxPpr9snesXzj_a6fljuEz4Qqm5ym_y1VSMzgN9anNQpDL2dmbOFjJkIkRIL0t5Ko3OII3lvjXCuF6a7YoE1cVYJLFZtKu5NV63BuLy5zZNiKhAEP2/s320/beforeandafter.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Start weight before surgery was 258, currently 154. Brian and I went on a date last night and I was feelin' purdy, so I had him take a pic. Them be size six jeans, baby!!! Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-6924117500111150262009-12-23T18:50:00.001-06:002009-12-23T18:50:50.809-06:00Bowie and Bing wrapped up in a Bow...OK, maybe not, but it's fun to say. I'm a HUUUGE Bowie fan, and this is one of my favorites of his. How could it not be, when he's hangin' with Bing Crosby? I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!!<br />
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<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gKTHvW2JcAA&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gKTHvW2JcAA&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-22318546438021548252009-12-22T06:37:00.000-06:002009-12-22T06:37:34.603-06:00EVERYTHING gets smaller.So when you lose the excess weight, EVERYTHING really does get smaller. My feet have, most definitely. I used to have to squish into a size 10 shoe just for the width. Now I'm back in a 9-9.5. Regular, not wide. SUH-WEET.<br />
<br />
Even BETTER though, is that my hands have gotten skinnier. After Matt was born my hands were so puffy still that I ended up getting a new wedding set. Hey, I gave Brian a SON, and two gorgeous daughters, I deserved it, right? ;) I ended up having to order a size 10 ring set. At times even that was too tight. There was about a year that I couldn't even wear it. Once I finally started losing, though, my hands got slimmer pretty quick. I had to pick up a ring sizer thingie (technical term!) to put on my bands to make them fit better. Even that is too loose now, and they slide right off. <br />
<br />
So yesterday I went into a little family owned jewelry store just to find out how much it would cost to get them sized. I've been wearing my original band and even that is too big. Only a hundred bucks, so that's nice. Then we sized my finger.<br />
<br />
No freakin way.<br />
<br />
I wear a size 7 ring. And since my body is still normalizing, including my hands, it's likely to go even a little bit smaller. Holy crapoly, I dig it! So the jeweler wrote down all the info on his business card so I can give it to Brian. Maybe I'll get my rings sized for Christmas or Valentine's Day? Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-37244488652994347312009-12-11T06:50:00.000-06:002009-12-11T06:50:04.211-06:00A few before picsI had MIL send these. I'm sure she's got more, I'll get them posted eventually. The ones in the pink shirts were in Okinawa, and I'm sure I was over 350ish in those. Probably about the same in the one where I'm at the table, but that was a few weeks after we had moved back stateside. <br />
<br />
It just makes me so sad to see these. But I also wasn't READY to lose the weight back then. I had a lot of emotional crap to deal with first, stuff to work through with my mom and about my brother's death. I think even if I had had the surgery back then I would likely have sabotaged it somehow. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ldhu8tc_ItzIcdaPITGC22jiT87jo1WrEqkB0xoPFFNWX1GY6TdH4spvfNDHslQbamyVtwcO8hARzbe1yAUQf8x5-rE8gHEKf0_0_8sEooOH3j1bHS4v-GBA0g-xIJjrQxLfQ5tcWCKf/s1600-h/feb06.1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ldhu8tc_ItzIcdaPITGC22jiT87jo1WrEqkB0xoPFFNWX1GY6TdH4spvfNDHslQbamyVtwcO8hARzbe1yAUQf8x5-rE8gHEKf0_0_8sEooOH3j1bHS4v-GBA0g-xIJjrQxLfQ5tcWCKf/s320/feb06.1.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-GUKV3xKNdWsOk_daOhKeLWQ22yiM2RdTr_H6ppBgt9vGxXdZP_YTa8Y3DxPhpdPOUCECtLSPW55ZjxgA490l-n1aWUkpAYFsj06tRR_cIEADB_nys6aZgdmYlbfmDK4vUbXJXUU3MDc/s1600-h/febo6.2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-GUKV3xKNdWsOk_daOhKeLWQ22yiM2RdTr_H6ppBgt9vGxXdZP_YTa8Y3DxPhpdPOUCECtLSPW55ZjxgA490l-n1aWUkpAYFsj06tRR_cIEADB_nys6aZgdmYlbfmDK4vUbXJXUU3MDc/s320/febo6.2.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EZAPuEuwe3MQ6cC4-cxRlasuT8hYcbkrnw9A6ltyiX1u9gKmn5jCHzhZDicsmMYjtCL6GqJgOPzmxdRRw2vLOjT8H2oE4T-bzw2tRc-mC6cAC3Pl-j4AQFsZ34tp9fknH7TCays7EWhr/s1600-h/febo6.3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EZAPuEuwe3MQ6cC4-cxRlasuT8hYcbkrnw9A6ltyiX1u9gKmn5jCHzhZDicsmMYjtCL6GqJgOPzmxdRRw2vLOjT8H2oE4T-bzw2tRc-mC6cAC3Pl-j4AQFsZ34tp9fknH7TCays7EWhr/s320/febo6.3.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Anyway, here they are.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-79890844823988552772009-12-09T06:37:00.000-06:002009-12-09T06:37:03.157-06:00Size 8, baby!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcyAHQFDkkqfYopgV_Kywy3DzRjQRMycU7At_lCrHziyD9OgXa242Rb4SqDtp2R4emZ4er8PHB4Us35X2tKiGKK_FL68KzY3_RcPEftxkyJihJ54xFvu3xIvgGNYVsQUqOCXKB-es1JKp/s1600-h/size8_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcyAHQFDkkqfYopgV_Kywy3DzRjQRMycU7At_lCrHziyD9OgXa242Rb4SqDtp2R4emZ4er8PHB4Us35X2tKiGKK_FL68KzY3_RcPEftxkyJihJ54xFvu3xIvgGNYVsQUqOCXKB-es1JKp/s200/size8_edited-2.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaB-7GoOQO2fZdrWJQtBOumI4-T8frYJhF_ibp8BUn2KYr3O44eNmA1TESzKotrcsYGb5iehsNG60Hs4kTkFeFoqnd9JgtTIjHiJ-vwbNsnWLcy2UVqnG6uevrEi_Ity78EWFzG2GaARaB/s1600-h/size8_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaB-7GoOQO2fZdrWJQtBOumI4-T8frYJhF_ibp8BUn2KYr3O44eNmA1TESzKotrcsYGb5iehsNG60Hs4kTkFeFoqnd9JgtTIjHiJ-vwbNsnWLcy2UVqnG6uevrEi_Ity78EWFzG2GaARaB/s200/size8_edited-1.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>So apparently I've lost even more than I realized. I found a picture of Brian and me from when we lived in Japan and I was freakin' huge. I took it to seminar last night and showed it to Kim, my surgeon's wife, and she thinks I was around 350ish. Which put me at almost 200 pounds lost. *faint* I was in such denial about how big I was, I refused to get on a scale. I wouldn't even get on one at the doctor's office. <br />
<br />
I like these pics MUCH better, even though they're really shadowy. Ann Taylor Loft pants! Yay! Size 9 boots, WITH stiletto heels and a super pointy toe. YAY! I used to have to buy shoes in a 10-11 just to deal with the width of my foot, the length was always way too big. And fugghedabout stilettos, even chunky heels made me feel like I was walking on knives stabbing up through my heel & calf. <br />
<br />
I need to do another "I can" list.....Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-22223559015687952182009-12-02T21:17:00.000-06:002009-12-02T21:17:02.533-06:00F'real???<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeq_oyt_PHi2EOYAAfOCT5hts9hW-R7FHSnwObjkPS72ciznDVq6sB07LU_ydyp_BMhLkVzxVYlzwQ7juHRn6HttfPhmbXklni3Op9f-omSkZ5iw4ezSS7uRIBXgshZhBD0_hcOuRcRoP/s1600-h/100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeq_oyt_PHi2EOYAAfOCT5hts9hW-R7FHSnwObjkPS72ciznDVq6sB07LU_ydyp_BMhLkVzxVYlzwQ7juHRn6HttfPhmbXklni3Op9f-omSkZ5iw4ezSS7uRIBXgshZhBD0_hcOuRcRoP/s200/100.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Aaaaaaaactually, it's 102. And I find the cupcakes amusing, since they're a contributing factor.<br />
<br />
I made it!!!! 100 pounds in just over 6 months. There's no way I could have done this without the surgery. Before, every time I tried to diet & exercise it all away on my own I ended up just gaining even more, and sabotaging myself in depression. But because I went ahead and had my guts rearranged and finally found a form of exercise that I enjoy (such a huge difference!) it's finally coming off. 6 pounds to go to my goal weight!!! <br />
<br />
My goal had been to hit my goal weight by my birthday, but I really don't think that's going to happen. I'm OK with that though. 100 pounds is nothing to sniff at, and I've only got those few left to go.<br />
<br />
I've been running into people that knew me "before." Today it was the lady that used to do my nails, I went back to her. We were chit-chatting and she kept looking at me funny, and then she finally got this look of realization on her face. "You've lost weight!!!!" She was so sweet about it. <br />
<br />
Brian's family was incredible about it, too. His grandma and aunt both cried when they saw me. They know everything I've gone through, and they know that I feel like my outside finally matches my inside again. (I always said that the fat was just padding for the skinny bitch inside!)<br />
<br />
This has all been so surreal, though. I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again. Yes, at times, it does feel like I'm taking the easy way out. After all, the only other ones that are going to lose so significantly so fast are the ones on the Biggest Loser, and once they're back in the real world most gain back. I'm not having to work AS hard as they do physically, and I don't restrict myself as much as they do when it comes to dietary concerns. But I've made a commitment to my body that I can't take back. I had a rearranging of the guts that makes it so I can only absorb about 70% of what I take in. I have to work to get enough protein in. (Blech, shakes.) There are times that I DESPERATELY want to eat something, especially if it's chocolatey, but I can't because I know it will make me sick. If I forget, and I still do sometimes, and eat too fast or take too big bites I get sick. I'm terrible about not drinking enough water and run a high risk of getting dangerously dehydrated. This is all something I'll live with for the rest of my life, I can't just change my mind. Nothing easy about being strapped to the wagon.<br />
<br />
It's all been such a gift though. I do things that I never thought I'd do. I'm becoming a totally different, and hopefully more pleasant! person. On the way back from Iowa on Sunday I raced Catey to the restroom at a rest stop...UPHILL. And I didn't get out of breath. Yeah, I'm just a little impressed with myself! <br />
<br />
I have a lot to learn, and I'm determined to KEEP it off. I just hope I can manage to live the rest of my life with the grace and peace that I've been given, and share it.<br />
<br />
Wugh. My thoughts are all over the place tonight...sorry.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-38556307906719263502009-11-26T21:20:00.000-06:002009-11-26T21:20:10.661-06:00Happy Gobble Gobble.I love you, Maaaannn!!!<br />
<br />
Up at the in-laws house, thankful that we're with family this year. Last year was rough. We watched the Macy's Parade and I lost it, had to go climb into bed and just have a good cry because Thanksgiving is that big holiday for me. So this year, being able to spend time with some of the people that I love the most (and some that drive me the craziest!) is such a blessing. I just wish I could have my folks around, too. <br />
<br />
Going to try to drag my butt out of bed to hit the shops with my sister-in-law in the morning. I don't do Black Friday, so we'll see how that goes. Meagan may come home and need a glass of wine at 8 AM. Hey, it's cocktail hour somehwere, right?<br />
<br />
I hope everybody had a great Gobble Gobble day. I need to go beat my kids into submission and get them to brush their rotting teeth. (Please don't report me to Child Services, I'm totally half-kidding about beating them.)<br />
<br />
Good night!!Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-88265111690102998292009-11-21T20:54:00.000-06:002009-11-21T20:54:53.498-06:00This is how bored I am.I never ever ever do these things. I ignore them when I get them in emails. I iz bord. BORD! So I'm stealing this from <a href="http://www.meltingmama.net/wls/" style="color: red;">Beth</a>. <br />
<br />
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. <strong>I don't know anybody with the SAME birthday, but my daughter, my sister, and my best friend from high school all have the same birthday...which is my half birthday. <br />
</strong><br />
2. Where was your first kiss? <strong>Ew, I think it was behind the church building. Oooh, wait, no! My brother's closet, some boy that I can remember what he looks like but not his name, we were 8 and practicing for when we were growed-ups.<br />
</strong><br />
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? <strong>No, but my granddad threw my ex-husband's TV down the stairs for me...it made a LOVELY crash all the way down.<br />
</strong><br />
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? <strong> Just the occasional whacks at Brian, but he's too quick. Butthead always wins.<br />
</strong><br />
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? <strong>Yup. High school choir, high school musicals, worship team at church, college choir, college worship team, and backup for Avery Stafford's first album,<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="http://www.averystafford.com/prod_desc_5_4.html?sno=298">LIFT UP YOUR VOICE. And that's my claim to fame.</a><span style="color: red;"></span><br />
</strong><br />
6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? <strong>Arms. I love strong arms. </strong><strong></strong><br />
7. What really turns you off? <strong>Arrogance.<br />
</strong><br />
8. What do you order at Starbucks?<em> </em><strong><em>Grande Skinny SF Cinnamon Dolce, light whip, brulee sprinkles. NOM.</em><br />
</strong><br />
9. What is your biggest mistake? <strong>Marrying my ex, but it helped me become who I am, I learned a lot about myself, and the whole circumstance led me to Brian so I can't complain too much. Although I know we would have ended up together anyway.<br />
</strong><br />
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? <strong>Yes. I don't do it anymore. 'Nuff said.<br />
</strong><br />
11. Say something totally random about yourself. <strong>I have an addiction to what my sister and I call Trashy Korean Whore Shoes. These shoes MUST have animal print on them.</strong><strong></strong><br />
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? <strong>My nickname in HS was Molly Ringwald, so....<br />
</strong><br />
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? <strong>I hear them because they're on, and if I'm in the same room reading I might look up every once in a while. But in general, pleasegodno!<br />
</strong><br />
14. Did you have braces? <strong>Nope, I haz purdy teefs.<br />
</strong><br />
15. Are you comfortable with your height? <strong>Yes, but I could go for my husband being a little taller. He doesn't like when I wear heels, I end up 6'. </strong><strong></strong><br />
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? <strong>He didn't have time to do anything for Valentine's Day because they were in the middle of an exercise, so he stopped on his way home and got a box of X-Men valentine cards. On each of them he wrote stuff like "To the sexy lady that I love, from the guy that can't keep his hands off of you." He hid them all over the house, and I got to find them all. I still have them. In fact, I think I may pull them out tonight and re-read them. Otherwise, I tell our friend Josh that he needs to give Brian romance lessons.<br />
</strong><br />
17. When do you know its love? <strong>When we can fart in the middle of gettin' it on and laugh about it. Not that I've EVER done that.<br />
</strong><br />
18. Do you speak any other languages? <strong>Crazy cat lady. I'm fluent.</strong><strong></strong><br />
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? <strong>I have SAD, it helps a lot. I wish I could afford it right now.</strong><strong></strong><br />
20. What magazines do you read? <strong>I have a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens that will never die, but I read it every once in a while. I also have a subscription to Food Network Magazine, and I read that cover to cover as soon as I get it.<br />
</strong><br />
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? <strong>Nope. I'm po'. </strong><strong></strong><br />
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? <strong>My brother died when he was 18, I was 22.</strong><strong></strong><br />
23. Do you watch MTV? <strong> I don't even know what channel it's on. Same with VH1.<br />
</strong><br />
24. What’s something that really annoys you? <strong>WHINING. Matt's been driving me nuts.<br />
</strong><br />
25. What’s something you really like?<strong> When my kitties climb into my lap and start purring. <br />
</strong><br />
26. Do you like Michael Jackson? <strong> His music is pretty much my life's soundtrack. I went & saw THIS IS IT, and cried because it brought back so many memories of my brother and some things we went through.<br />
</strong><br />
27. Can you dance? <strong> Yes, of course! Can I dance WELL? Um, the ballerina hippos in Fantasia are probably more graceful than I am. But I at least entertain my kids.<br />
</strong><br />
28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? <strong>I've gone awake for 36+ hours, can't remember why.<br />
</strong><br />
29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? <strong> Nope. <br />
</strong><br />
30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? <strong>When I iz bord. Like NOW.<br />
</strong>Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-16793695609518739852009-11-19T10:21:00.000-06:002009-11-19T10:21:58.365-06:00Me & My Big Mouth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfZnMsft5x5WjkbWIWQfB8gdQiOAstHR0YcQCH1_E9G4yc5V2TK9kspICtmVT8rJG9pYnKKTDZVC96cdMfmuOFL_6_RF0EoAk_yCgImM6kzinFEBJ3XktJfqflbjwOIP-7es09bt5nmi0/s1600/big-mouth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfZnMsft5x5WjkbWIWQfB8gdQiOAstHR0YcQCH1_E9G4yc5V2TK9kspICtmVT8rJG9pYnKKTDZVC96cdMfmuOFL_6_RF0EoAk_yCgImM6kzinFEBJ3XktJfqflbjwOIP-7es09bt5nmi0/s200/big-mouth.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>I try really hard to be a positive & kind person. Sometimes, though, I let the snarky bitch inside get the best of me. It's worse when I'm bummed or flat out depressed, because I don't realize that I'm letting her take control.<br />
<br />
Apparently I've been bitchier & more selfish than I realized. Yesterday it dawned on me that I hadn't seen a lady that I knew from way back when on FB recently. I really enjoy her happy posts, she's just a genuinely nice person. So I checked my friend list, and sure enough, she's not there anymore. I haven't seen any posts from her since just after Halloween. As far as I know she's still on FB, because she's still got an account. I try to not let the snarky bitch show her face too much on FB, and I refrain from the potty mouth there because I have a lot of my old church friends on my FB. So I'm not sure what I could have said to offend or hurt her so much that she'd un-friend me. But, apparently I did, and that makes me sad.<br />
<br />
This morning I decided I'd un-hide somebody that I had hidden for whatever reason that I can't remember anymore. When I went to do so, I found that she wasn't on my friend list either. And she's deleted her FB account. WAIT!!!! HA!!! NO, I spelled her name wrong! Whew, I don't feel HALF as guilty now...Anyway...my whole point was this, last week I was talking to an old friend that knows this person, and I mentioned that the person is a little...um...intense. I left it at that, though. So I got all worried that my friend had said something to the person, and that I had hurt her feelings. <br />
<br />
So there really is a tie-in for WLS/obesity with all of this. (You thought I was just rambling, huh?) <br />
<br />
I've been in a funk lately. I haven't wanted to go exercise, so I don't. I eat things that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating. (Helloooo? Halloween candy?! For an RNY patient?!) I've been snarky and really hard on myself, feeling worthless and truly "non-marketable." I think a lot of it is stemming from the fact that I'm a people pleaser, and by not getting hired or really even any bites for a job it feels like I'm failing at everything. And because I can't self-medicate like I used to (delicious high fat foods & baked goods that I'd gorge on until I'd numbed whatever was bothering me) it starts the whole cycle all over again. And again. And again. This whole FB thing just kind of topped things off, I guess. With the first person un-friending me it reinforced the idea that I'm doing something wrong, or am not "pleasing." With thinking that the second person had gotten off of FB because I had said something potentially mean and it had gotten back to her (see how important I am in my world?) it made me realize how...cranky? petty? mean? negative? I've been lately.<br />
<br />
Just because we're getting thinner after WLS, it doesn't change who we are. We may be happier with the circumstances in our life that are dictated by weight, but we may still have to work on being happy with WHO WE ARE, as well. We ended up obese because we didn't know how to deal with being unhappy with our circumstances or who we are. If we don't learn healthy ways to deal, and focus on the joys in life rather than what's dragging us down...what's the point? At some point we'll just start the ugly cycle again. <br />
<br />
So I'm starting over, starting today. It's time to be positive, to bring joy wherever and to whoever I can, and to realize that *gasp* it's not all about me. It's time for me to allow myself to be pleased with who I am.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-43698668405634364962009-11-18T09:52:00.000-06:002009-11-18T09:52:51.506-06:00Slimer!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI6JztHSZJhoJWS6XanJVvwWxrow0P2DCytQHde78ooaLKSXPZpuvDHbr6xkcJU5NHZvmMP1YIqxmsAe6eG2irhaDNEgMe02v_zW_xAzPp1v0nais7rh-EaFwM0p15mBtcz96JQiNI7tSK/s1600/slimer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI6JztHSZJhoJWS6XanJVvwWxrow0P2DCytQHde78ooaLKSXPZpuvDHbr6xkcJU5NHZvmMP1YIqxmsAe6eG2irhaDNEgMe02v_zW_xAzPp1v0nais7rh-EaFwM0p15mBtcz96JQiNI7tSK/s200/slimer.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>As post-ops we have to be careful about how much we eat. It's no longer a matter of "ooooooooooohhhh, mah bellay hurts, I ate too much" and then be done with it. No way dude, we've gotta COMPLICATE things.<br />
<br />
Bandsters generally get what they call the foamies, and PB's (Productive Belching - upchucking chunks). <a href="http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/" style="color: red;">Amy</a> has some fabulous tales of PB's, quite entertaining.<br />
<br />
Not me though. I get the Slimies. Most of the time I know what's going to set it off...just eating too much usually does it. If I'm not paying attention and I'm either eating too fast, bites that are too big, or just too much, I'm done for. Off to scrub the toilet so I can make the noise of a cat hacking up a hairball. (Brian finds this greatly amusing.)<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago Slimer really took me by surprise. I had made a roast in the crock pot, and I had figured that since it was so tender that it fell apart, I'd be ok. Notsomuch. I didn't think about the fact that the meat fell apart in long fibers. And it was beef, so no matter how much you chew chew chew, it's still going to ball up at least a bit in your pouch. Long fibers just make the ball worse. All it took was one bite, as I was getting the kids' plates dished up. In less than a minute I realized I was getting that slimy feeling in the back of my throat. Then it was filling up my mouth, so much that I could almost chew it. I kept swallowing to try to make it stop, but no go. Back up it came.<br />
<br />
There IS a physiological reason for Slimer. If you eat something that your pouch isn't able to handle or pass through your body is going to try to provide the lube to get the job done. Slime. Once you have enough slime in your pouch it will either lube the food enough to slide through the opening, or it will make it easier to get it back up. <br />
<br />
Thankfully, throwing up isn't the trauma that it was before surgery. Before, I would have panic attacks if I got sick, I was always afraid of choking on the bile and the grossness of it all was just...ew! Get it out of my head! Anyway, for a good long while post-op we don't have bile. And since the pouch is so small, just some hairball hacking can get whatever is disagreeing out with no problem. I'm not saying this to encourage bulimia...I'm just saying that since it IS going to happen sometimes, thank goodness it's not the traumatic event that it used to be.<br />
<br />
There is, of course, an easy way to avoid all this. Don't eat things you shouldn't eat! If your doc or dietitian hasn't cleared you for beef yet, don't eat it. Eat TENDER meat. You're only getting a little bit, go ahead and get the tenderloin instead of the chuck steak. Don't overcook it, and don't overcook your chicken or pork. Take tiny bites. (That's what bites me in the butt the most.) As obnoxious as it sounds...chew chew CHEW! The closer your food is to baby food consistency, the fewer problems you'll have. Most important, pay attention to your pouch. If it says that it's STARTING to feel full, you've already eaten too much. <br />
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Have a great day, listen to your body, and you'll be free from meeting up with Slimer the Hairball Hacker!Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-83515772671938433002009-11-15T23:00:00.000-06:002009-11-15T23:00:13.601-06:00GIT OUTTA MAH FOOOOOOD!!!!I have snacks that I buy just for me. Mostly protein bar type stuff, but I have the mom-stash of M&M's hidden in my nightstand drawer, beef jerky...stuff like that. Two weeks ago I bought a box of Atkin's Caramel Peanut Nougat protein bars, and ate one. I left the box in the van for my "Oh crap I forgot to eat!" moments. <br />
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Tonight I went and got the box out of the van. And a bar was missing.<br />
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GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......<br />
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I buy these people I live with PLENTY OF FOOD. I make them cookies! I supply them with fresh fruit and veggies that I don't put a limit on! There's ALWAYS leftovers. The ONE thing I ask is that they stay out of my mom-stash stuff, because almost all of it is PROTEIN for me, and I NEED MY FRIGGIN' PROTEIN. <br />
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I think I might just cave in and buy a lock-box for my snacks. MY SNACKS! <br />
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And the best part......the protein bars don't even taste that great. I hope they get constipated. *pout*Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-37396070563893578022009-11-06T09:16:00.000-06:002009-11-06T09:16:32.516-06:00Random Friday stuff1. My heart goes out to the family and friends of the Ft. Hood victims. I'm sick to my stomach and relieved at the same time that the shooter is alive. At least justice can be carried out this time. <br />
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2. OFFICIALLY NOT PREGNANT!! Thank you, God! I love my children, I love babies, but I just want to borrow babies. <br />
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3. A friend that I've talked to for a few years via message board has moved to OKC, and she and her family are coming over tonight. I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED. She's one of my favorite people on the board. With a name like Amy she can't be bad, right? LOL <br />
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4. Did I mention that I'm looking for a job? It sucks, I really want to be a SAHM still, and if I could figure out this whole "get paid to blog" thing I'd just do that, but...well...NEED MUNNIES NOW. One of the jobs I applied for is "Canteen Supervisor" at a correctional facility in a town 30 minutes away. And, somehow, I'm qualified for it. They must be desperate. I'm hoping to get the "Social Services Assistant" job, though, doing transition assistance with members that are getting out of the military. I think I'd be good at that. I just REALLY don't want another call center job.<br />
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5. I'm vaguely thinking about writing a book. My mom is really encouraging me on it, she's always liked my writing. But that's what moms are supposed to do, right? I have a title and subject, but that whole "nobody wants to read what I have to say" thing is holding me back. Besides the fact that I wouldn't have the first clue on how to get published, although technically that's not true because I have some folks at a message board that could point me the right way. <br />
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6. We seriously need to win the lottery. I already have planned out exactly how we'd spend and invest, what we'd do, all that fun stuff. All we need is that winning ticket.<br />
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7. I saw my PA in passing this week, the one that got me started on this whole surgical weight loss thing. I called out to her and she saw me and looked confused. I stood up and said, "It's Meagan!" and she just gaped at me. She didn't recognize me at all. LOL Felt great!<br />
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8. This week is the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street. I loved that show when I was a kid, and....(can you keep a secret?) I still do. If I knew what channel PBS was on I might even watch it by myself. Wow. It was only 7 years old when I was born. I'm getting oldish. I used to sing a bunch of Sesame Street songs to my kids when they were babies, and my favorite is still Ernie's "I'd Like to Visit the Moon." The version with Shawn Colvin is still beautiful. I still get teary eyed when I hear it. Happy Birthday, Sesame Street!<br />
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9. I really need to clean my office. Maybe if I do I'll find the inspiration to come in here and start writing my book? <br />
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10. If we won the lottery, I'd totally hire an organizer to come to my house and get everything in order. And train my kids on how to be organized. I'm good at STARTING being organized, but I don't stick to it. <br />
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11. The loveseat is here in the office right now. Do I want to keep it in here, or move it back into the living room?<br />
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12. I think I've been really depressed lately. Probably from the whore-moans being all wacky, with a little bit of current financial circumstances thrown in for good measure. Think I'm going to have to bump up my Happy Mommy Pills. <br />
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13. I've been stuck at 169ish pounds for a few weeks now. After my last cycle I dropped ten pounds in just over a week. I'm really hoping that happens with this cycle. If it does I might actually make goal weight by my birthday after all. At the least I'd like to make goal by my next appointment, December 22nd. <br />
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14. Bri's been working on an ORI (Operational Readiness Inspection) all week, so he's had to be at work before dawn some days. This is really jacking with my sleep. He's noisy when he gets up, and always kisses me goodbye. Once I'm awake, I'm awake. Grrrrrr....... At least he kisses me goodbye. Un-grrrrr.....<br />
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15. I've been playing a dangerous game this week and telling myself it's OK because it's the PMS. I've been getting into the Halloween candy. I love me some fun size Butterfingers. And if I only eat one (at a time!) I don't get sick. Problem is I do this several times a day. Good thing is...Butterfingers are almost gone. ;) Thankfully I don't crave chocolate or sugar all the time, I think this week has just been particularly cravey. <br />
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16. I love watching my cats sleep. The sprawl is just hilarious. Yeah, I speak crazy cat lady, fluently.<br />
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17. I think we're going to find a church to start going to, again. I have nothing nice to wear so it's going to have to be a super casual church (finally there are a few here in OK) but I'm still most comfortable with Church of Christ in some ways. Then again, because of some things that happened looooooooong ago, I have a hard time trusting the Church of Christ. I have to tell myself that it was different people, different circumstances. Anyway, I've been having that feeling in my heart that I just really need to get back to church. I miss it.<br />
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18. I need some nicer clothes. For work and for church. Back in September I gave away an entire wardrobe of business casual clothes and haven't been able to replace anything. I don't even have a nice pair of pants, just jeans. And it's one of those, "I need a job so I can get some decent clothes, but can't get decent clothes until I have a job" type things. ERGH. <br />
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19. Lottery.<br />
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20. Lottery.Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8814731300729283161.post-11417235779201168892009-11-03T14:15:00.000-06:002009-11-03T14:15:39.960-06:00This is what I get for joking that I want another baby.Because I DON'T want another baby. We took measures to be sure that we WON'T be having more babies. The three we've got right now do JUST GREAT driving me crazy, they don't need any more help.<br />
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Back in July I had a crazy menstrual cycle. Lots of clotting, super gross, I ended up in the ER. I think I blogged about it, because...well...I blog about everything. Anywhoozle...since then my cycles have been fine. Maybe a little bit lighter and shorter in duration, but still REGULAR. <br />
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Now I'm about a week late. I had a few PMS symptoms last week, mostly really sore breasts and craving chocolate. But I never started my period. My breasts started getting sore again last night, and I had some really light (as in "am I imagining this?") spotting last night, but it's gone today. And I'm so freakin' tired. Then again, that could be from the time change and probably being a bit anemic since I'm out of my iron supplement. <br />
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Here's the thing. I've peed on a stick TWICE now, and I think I might again tomorrow. One of my friends online has told me that I need to get some white pants and spend $20 on pregnancy tests and THAT will start my period. LOL <br />
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I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. Like...90% sure. And that 10% scares the crap out of me. It's really not healthy to get pregnant so soon after weight loss surgery, and every single surgeon will advise against it. Your body is already working so hard at losing the weight and then it gets all confused because it has to work even harder to grow a new life. (Your body works as hard to grow a baby as it would to climb a mountain. Didja know that?)<br />
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I've been looking up articles online and most of the studies I've seen reference menstrual cycles becoming MORE regular after weight loss. I haven't found a single one that mentions a missed cycle. And while I have lost a lot of weight fairly quickly, it's been a steady loss and it's not an unhealthy loss to where I'm underweight. Amenorrhea just doesn't make sense to me, in this situation. <br />
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Brian had a vasectomy, six years ago. (In fact, the day I was supposed to start my cycle was the anniversary. LOL) So like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I'm still freaking out. I think I'm going to go call Sarah, Dr. G's nurse. <br />
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Beth & Shelly, I could use your input on this!!!Meghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17095309493784770041noreply@blogger.com4