Bits and Pieces

Visibility

2010-04-09T09:12:00.000-05:00

Or moreover, the fact that I'm no longer invisible. I didn't realize just HOW invisible I was when I was obese, because I'm a friendly & chatty person. Maybe that was my way of forcing people to see me, I don't know. Now, though, I'm suddenly visible. And by visible I mean that when I run into somebody that I haven't seen in a long time, they're shocked. They tell me, "OH-EM-GEEEEE! You look so good now!"

Now?

Now?

Really? So when you told me before that I was pretty in spite of my weight, what was that?

My husband is even guilty of it. I know he's trying so hard and he's wonderfully supportive. Sometimes, though, it gets in my still-fat-in-my-head side of my brain that he's incredibly complimentary of the new me, if he really found me beautiful and sexy before - why didn't he say so then?

Here's the thing. I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON. The changes that everybody else is seeing are all exterior. I'm still the same person that you walked past and didn't notice, this time last year. I'm the same smartass. I think part of my problem is that all of the people that are "OMG-ing" at me never knew me when I was thin before. They always knew RoundMeagan. So when I was shocked each time I looked into a mirror and saw RoundMeagan because that was not the preconceived notion I had of myself - that's the only version of me that they had in their heads.

I have the same issue with strangers, though. Last week I was at Lowe's and was pulling a sheet of plywood off a high stack. There were no employees around to help so I decided to just do it myself. (hehe, something I wouldn't have done before. Yay me.) I got the sheet most of the way down, but those things are heavy and awkward. Two gentlemen came running to help me get the sheet on my pushcart just in time. People being what they are, though, would they have been the kind that would walk past and glance at the RoundWoman struggling and do nothing to help out? Most would have.

Ergh. I've been struggling with my renewed visibility lately, as you can tell. I need to just shut up and enjoy it. LOL

In other news - I'm taking advantage of my new visibility and am selling Scentsy now. I have to work, HAVE to, and this will let me be home with the kids, too. You like yummy candles? Do you feel like you're rolling up a twenty and lighting it when you burn a patriotically-named candle? Do you like the idea of safe, food grade wax that won't burn little fingers if they decide to dip in it? Then you need Scentsy! (See, I'm good at this. LOL) I'm closing my first show today, just a little mini-launch. I'll be going with my director to a home & garden show on the 17th and will be getting the leads from that, and my neighbor is actually going to sign under me, and we're going to team up and take the neighborhood on a Scentsy ride. ;) Want to check out the website? Clicky!!! www.scentsationalmeg.scentsy.us . I'll put a link over there >>>>, too.

So how's everybody else doing?

Laptop Lunches

2010-03-24T11:40:00.000-05:00

My kids are responsible for packing their own lunches. Lately they've decided this means slap a piece of lunchmeat on a piece of white bread (bad mom for buying it!), folding it in half, and calling it a sandwich. Stick in a piece of fruit that likely gets thrown away and they call it lunch. Um...notsomuch. Other times they "pack" a lunch and "forget" it and get a school lunch. The school lunches are loaded with fat and crappy simple carbs, and are completely processed foods. Again, notsomuch.

I've always tried to teach the kids good eating habits, but lunch is one that's hard to do the older they get. I can make sure they have a healthy breakfast before school, I can serve a good healthy dinner, but lunch is out the door. Since I've had gastric bypass and they're hitting the "bottomless-pit_ growth spurts, healthy eating for the whole family is even more important.

I also watched the pre-view of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution the other night. He started a re-vamp of the lunch programs in Britain and has now started in the "fattest city in the US." Seeing the resistance that he's getting from the school system and the horrible requirements from the USDA has even further steeled my resolve that it's up to ME to make sure the kids are eating healthy.

Soooo...I had been playing with the idea of "Laptop Lunches" for a long time, but couldn't bring myself to order the lunchboxes because they're kind of pricey. I finally sucked it up and ordered some yesterday and they're being delivered today. YAY!

There are tons of different websites that are dedicated to kid lunch ideas. Some of them are just obsessed. Please God, don't let me get that bad! They're great for ideas though, and once your head is in that groove it's easier to come up with your own ideas. One of my favorites, though, is EggFace. Shelly is another gastric bypass patient and she takes bento/laptop lunches with her all the time. They're high protein and healthy, so great for weight loss AND kids. If I have EF next to an idea, it's from her website and she's got a recipe listed. (Here's her site http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/)

So here's my list so far. I'm so excited to get the kids more involved in healthy lunches again!

Leftovers from dinners. Duh.
Zucchini Egg Bake squares
Whole wheat veggie pizza strips
Spinach & zucchini turkey meatloaf balls
Ham & cheese quiche squares
Mini turkey burgers
Gyoza
drained ramen w/shrimp
Hard Boiled Eggs (Bug's new obsession)
Tuna salad rolls
Hummus & veggies or pita chips
Tomato & mozzarella stick skewers
Fruit w/ sweetened ricotta
baked greek shrimp w cucumber salad & yogurt dipping sauce (EF)
Mini egg bites (EF)
Shrimp (coconut, southwest, whatever other flavor we can come up with)
Quesadilla wedges w/salsa
Pepperoni & cheese picks
pudding & graham crackers
taco salad
PB & fruit tortilla sushi
Roasted Veggies (EF)
Lemony Chickpea & Tuna salad (EF)
Naked chicken nuggets
Meatballs (italian, greek, sweet & sour...)
Fajitas
Carnitas

That's what I've got so far. I'll add as I think of more, or as the kids do. Tonight when we're getting lunches ready I'll slice the leftover Ricotta chicken from last night into little wheels. Yum.

Balance

2010-03-10T08:31:00.000-06:00

Ever notice that the more you try to pile on and control every bit of life, the more precarious it becomes? Eventually, the more you try to control, the harder you crash.

I had come to the point that it felt like WLS was controlling every.single.aspect of my life. Every part of my day revolved around it. I had to make sure I was getting in all my vitamins, all my protein, all my water, and exercising. I speak at my surgeon's seminar as a "been there, done that" patient almost every month, and I'm a support group leader. Being a bariatric surgery patient was defining who I am.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad definition. I'm just a control freak and I want to be the one who defines who I am, not the circumstances of my life. I took a break from exercising for about 6 weeks...again. The break was mostly due to craptastic weather, kids being sick, and me being sick, but I definitely used all of the above as excuses. I didn't focus as much on how much protein I was getting in, and REALLY dropped the ball on my water. I'm lucky I haven't ended up in the hospital from dehydration.

And even though I fought it, WLS still had control in my life. Lack of exercise and ignoring my protein needs left me worn out and achy, and completely without muscle tone to the point that I flat out felt weak sometimes. My skin had broken out because of the lack of protein and water. Instead of getting nutrient rich food and making every bite count I was eating crap. I pushed my limits on fat & sugar. Milano cookies? Bring 'em on! I can handle 12 grams of sugar, and two cookies ONLY have 10 grams! Yeah, a McPukes cheeseburger has 12 grams of fat and 300 calories, but it ALSO ha 15 grams of protein. I was rationalizing everything.

The worst part, though (confession time) is that I've been drinking. A lot. Transfer addiction much? I started drinking around Christmas time, and I've had at least a glass of wine almost every night. A few times I've had as much as an entire bottle, by myself. There were days that I wanted a glass of wine fairly early in the day, and though I wouldn't let myself it still scared the crap out of me. I kept on drinking in the evenings, anyway. I also learned that alcohol prevents dumping for me, so I was able to take in MORE crap. Hello empty calories! Hello extra fat & sugar that should be knocking me on my butt! Brian asked me to not drink for a full week, and I managed. As soon as that week was up though, I had me a new bottle of wine! I even rationalized the drinking, and told Brian that it was just something I needed to get through. Yeah, a load of crap, and partially true, but essentially more rationalizing.

I've been slowing down on the drinking. My dad is an alcoholic and that's been in my head a LOT. When I wanted a glass of wine earlier and earlier, I knew I was toeing a line. I didn't drink much last week. Brian and I did go to a winery on Saturday, and we picked up a bottle of Reisling. (I'm not a fan of white wine anymore, all about the reds.) We split the bottle on Saturday night, I had the last glass of it on Sunday night. Monday, I picked up two more bottles of red, and just about polished one off by myself that night.

That was stupid.

It hit me a lot harder than it usually does. I had to hold on to the headboard when I went to bed to keep the room from spinning, and it really didn't do much good. I was hung over most of the day yesterday. Even the one other time I got flat out DRUNK, at our Christmas party, I managed to not have a hangover the next day. Me no likey hangovers!

So I'm done with the drinking every night. If the kids are making me insane I have to find something else to help me unwind. If I need to relax, there are other ways. To start off, I'm going to refill my Xanax scrip as soon as I'm done with this. ;) I'm back to working out, and oooooooooooooohhhh it feels so much better! I have a bottle of shiraz on the counter, and yes, I'll let myself have it...eventually. One glass, and I'll be having a "why are we having a glass of wine" conversation before I allow myself to pour it. "Because I'm the mommy and I said so" is no longer a reason to have a glass of wine.

I'm finding that balance that we all need, slowly but surely. I've finally figured out that in order to have balance we sometimes need to find a different foundation. And it's OK. A new foundation gives us a new spot to look out at the world from, and after all....isn't that the whole reason we go through WLS anyway?

I'm so sorry I've been gone, and especially for so long. I've been trying to re-establish that necessary balance in my life, and as happens so often, I ended up over correcting in the wrong direction. But I'm back now!

The Monkey Off My Back

2010-01-16T23:56:00.000-06:00

This is Bethany, my 12 year old. She weighs 98 pounds (don't tell her I told you that). She's holding a 10 pound bag of flour. And that's just the weight that I lost since surgery. I may have lost up to 100 from my highest weight even before surgery.

Putting a physical picture of the weight just brings back home HOW much I was carrying around. No wonder I was exhausted all the time...

GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

2010-01-15T07:58:00.000-06:00

150 POUNDS BABY!!! 108 POUNDS LOST. 235 days. 7 months 21 days. Hours and hour and HOURS of exercise. What felt like gallons of sweat. Daily struggles to get in enough protein and water. Pushing the limits of what my new stomach can handle and regretting it every time. Learning how to read labels, knowing the protein content of any given food and if it's "worth" eating.

This has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's been worth every step. Pics coming tonight! :)

Oh Zumba, how I missed you.

2010-01-08T10:22:00.000-06:00

Because of all the craziness of the holiday season I missed a good six weeks of Zumba. I take that back. Not just Zumba, but any exercise at all. Not good. I finally got back to it on Tuesday and it felt so great! Well, it felt great that day, anyway. I was HURTIN' the next day, was even worse yesterday, and am finally back to the same hurt I was at on the day after. It probably doesn't help that I did 2.5 miles on the elliptical after Zumba, and then decided to try running on the treadmill after that.

Even though I'm still hurting today, I HAVE to get back in the gym, at least for some elliptical time and to get on the treadmill. That's the thing about exercise that we always forget about. The more often you do it the more conditioned to it your muscles become, and the less pain you'll be in. Yes, getting used to it sucks, but having to get used to it all over again sucks even more, because your muscles just scream at you, "If you had kept up with it like you should have you wouldn't be having this problem right now, dumbass!" And then you have to concede to your muscles that they're right, and that's never fun.

We also have to take the time to find a form of exercise that's fun and rewarding for us. If we're not enjoying it, we're just not going to keep up with it. It's proven in the little things through our lives over and over (and over) again. I'm sure everybody in the world (or at least in MY world) knows how much I love Zumba. But I wouldn't enjoy it half as much if it weren't for my instructor. There are instructors who shall remain unnamed who's class I'll never go to again, because I just don't enjoy myself. Joan is an incredible instructor, though. She cues for us (which is unusual in Zumba), is so incredibly animated, and you can tell that SHE'S having fun teaching. Even on the days when I go and start the class with the feeling "I don't wanna beeeeee heeeere" I always end up glad I went, and leave with a grin on my face because I've had such a great time. And more often than not, because I'm still feeling so great, I go on and jump on the elliptical or lift weights. All because I had fun. (Thanks again, Joanie, love you chickie!)

So I mentioned earlier that I got on the treadmill. I HATE to run. When I was in high school I hated to sweat and I just didn't know HOW to run, so I'd end up in pain from trying or I'd just be lazy and walk. I'm working on changing my mindset on running, though. I want to do the OKC Memorial 5K in April, and enjoy doing it. I don't care about my time, I just want to DO it. Getting started when you've never been a runner, though...HOOOLLLEEEY CRAPOLY! I figured it wouldn't be so bad to start running since I've been doing so great on the elliptical. Yeah, notsomuch. Totally different set of muscles used when you run. Did you know you actually use your ass when you run? Neither did I, until my asscheeks were sore after running! Maybe I have hope for losing the elephant knees hanging off my backside after all?

So now I'm going to go finish my second giant cup of coffee and drink a liter of water, and head to the gym for some elliptical and treadmill time.

BTW, if you're local, tomorrow night is a Zumbathon at Crossroads Mall, in the old Steve & Barry's upper level. Admission is $10 and all proceeds are going to help the Shining Starz special needs cheer team go to Nationals. I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun! (And the Starz are going to give us a special performance!) Please come if you're local, and if you're not but want to donate, let me know and I can get the donation info for you.

Diet vs. Diet

2010-01-07T08:04:00.000-06:00

The Today Show on NBC is always featuring people that lose weight, which is great. But they always say that the people did it the "Old Fashioned Way" with diet and exercise. Yeah, because Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers are from way back in the olden days. They used to hang with all the personal trainers that are so old fashioned.

Here's what gets me. The word DIET. Technically there are two definitions for diet. The first is simply the nutrition that we take in to maintain energy. The second is what most people think of when they hear the word. A reduction in caloric intake.

Hm.....WLS patients still have to eat and get energy SOMEhow, so yeah, diet applies there. And WLS is essentially a permanent reduction in caloric intake. For bypass patients it's even twofold, since we reduce calories by restriction and by malabsorption. It's a lifetime diet, if you want to think in "old fashioned" terms.

So the Today Show can kiss my wrinkly elephant-knee butt. We WLSers are losing "the old fashioned way" too!

Finally figured out how to do a real side by side collage.

2010-01-02T16:26:00.000-06:00

Start weight before surgery was 258, currently 154. Brian and I went on a date last night and I was feelin' purdy, so I had him take a pic. Them be size six jeans, baby!!!

Bowie and Bing wrapped up in a Bow...

2009-12-23T18:50:00.001-06:00

OK, maybe not, but it's fun to say. I'm a HUUUGE Bowie fan, and this is one of my favorites of his. How could it not be, when he's hangin' with Bing Crosby? I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!!

EVERYTHING gets smaller.

2009-12-22T06:37:00.000-06:00

So when you lose the excess weight, EVERYTHING really does get smaller. My feet have, most definitely. I used to have to squish into a size 10 shoe just for the width. Now I'm back in a 9-9.5. Regular, not wide. SUH-WEET.

Even BETTER though, is that my hands have gotten skinnier. After Matt was born my hands were so puffy still that I ended up getting a new wedding set. Hey, I gave Brian a SON, and two gorgeous daughters, I deserved it, right? ;) I ended up having to order a size 10 ring set. At times even that was too tight. There was about a year that I couldn't even wear it. Once I finally started losing, though, my hands got slimmer pretty quick. I had to pick up a ring sizer thingie (technical term!) to put on my bands to make them fit better. Even that is too loose now, and they slide right off.

So yesterday I went into a little family owned jewelry store just to find out how much it would cost to get them sized. I've been wearing my original band and even that is too big. Only a hundred bucks, so that's nice. Then we sized my finger.

No freakin way.

I wear a size 7 ring. And since my body is still normalizing, including my hands, it's likely to go even a little bit smaller. Holy crapoly, I dig it! So the jeweler wrote down all the info on his business card so I can give it to Brian. Maybe I'll get my rings sized for Christmas or Valentine's Day?

A few before pics

2009-12-11T06:50:00.000-06:00

I had MIL send these. I'm sure she's got more, I'll get them posted eventually. The ones in the pink shirts were in Okinawa, and I'm sure I was over 350ish in those. Probably about the same in the one where I'm at the table, but that was a few weeks after we had moved back stateside.

It just makes me so sad to see these. But I also wasn't READY to lose the weight back then. I had a lot of emotional crap to deal with first, stuff to work through with my mom and about my brother's death. I think even if I had had the surgery back then I would likely have sabotaged it somehow.

Anyway, here they are.

Size 8, baby!!!

2009-12-09T06:37:00.000-06:00

So apparently I've lost even more than I realized. I found a picture of Brian and me from when we lived in Japan and I was freakin' huge. I took it to seminar last night and showed it to Kim, my surgeon's wife, and she thinks I was around 350ish. Which put me at almost 200 pounds lost. *faint* I was in such denial about how big I was, I refused to get on a scale. I wouldn't even get on one at the doctor's office.

I like these pics MUCH better, even though they're really shadowy. Ann Taylor Loft pants! Yay! Size 9 boots, WITH stiletto heels and a super pointy toe. YAY! I used to have to buy shoes in a 10-11 just to deal with the width of my foot, the length was always way too big. And fugghedabout stilettos, even chunky heels made me feel like I was walking on knives stabbing up through my heel & calf.

I need to do another "I can" list.....

F'real???

2009-12-02T21:17:00.000-06:00

Aaaaaaaactually, it's 102. And I find the cupcakes amusing, since they're a contributing factor.

I made it!!!! 100 pounds in just over 6 months. There's no way I could have done this without the surgery. Before, every time I tried to diet & exercise it all away on my own I ended up just gaining even more, and sabotaging myself in depression. But because I went ahead and had my guts rearranged and finally found a form of exercise that I enjoy (such a huge difference!) it's finally coming off. 6 pounds to go to my goal weight!!!

My goal had been to hit my goal weight by my birthday, but I really don't think that's going to happen. I'm OK with that though. 100 pounds is nothing to sniff at, and I've only got those few left to go.

I've been running into people that knew me "before." Today it was the lady that used to do my nails, I went back to her. We were chit-chatting and she kept looking at me funny, and then she finally got this look of realization on her face. "You've lost weight!!!!" She was so sweet about it.

Brian's family was incredible about it, too. His grandma and aunt both cried when they saw me. They know everything I've gone through, and they know that I feel like my outside finally matches my inside again. (I always said that the fat was just padding for the skinny bitch inside!)

This has all been so surreal, though. I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again. Yes, at times, it does feel like I'm taking the easy way out. After all, the only other ones that are going to lose so significantly so fast are the ones on the Biggest Loser, and once they're back in the real world most gain back. I'm not having to work AS hard as they do physically, and I don't restrict myself as much as they do when it comes to dietary concerns. But I've made a commitment to my body that I can't take back. I had a rearranging of the guts that makes it so I can only absorb about 70% of what I take in. I have to work to get enough protein in. (Blech, shakes.) There are times that I DESPERATELY want to eat something, especially if it's chocolatey, but I can't because I know it will make me sick. If I forget, and I still do sometimes, and eat too fast or take too big bites I get sick. I'm terrible about not drinking enough water and run a high risk of getting dangerously dehydrated. This is all something I'll live with for the rest of my life, I can't just change my mind. Nothing easy about being strapped to the wagon.

It's all been such a gift though. I do things that I never thought I'd do. I'm becoming a totally different, and hopefully more pleasant! person. On the way back from Iowa on Sunday I raced Catey to the restroom at a rest stop...UPHILL. And I didn't get out of breath. Yeah, I'm just a little impressed with myself!

I have a lot to learn, and I'm determined to KEEP it off. I just hope I can manage to live the rest of my life with the grace and peace that I've been given, and share it.

Wugh. My thoughts are all over the place tonight...sorry.

Happy Gobble Gobble.

2009-11-26T21:20:00.000-06:00

I love you, Maaaannn!!!

Up at the in-laws house, thankful that we're with family this year. Last year was rough. We watched the Macy's Parade and I lost it, had to go climb into bed and just have a good cry because Thanksgiving is that big holiday for me. So this year, being able to spend time with some of the people that I love the most (and some that drive me the craziest!) is such a blessing. I just wish I could have my folks around, too.

Going to try to drag my butt out of bed to hit the shops with my sister-in-law in the morning. I don't do Black Friday, so we'll see how that goes. Meagan may come home and need a glass of wine at 8 AM. Hey, it's cocktail hour somehwere, right?

I hope everybody had a great Gobble Gobble day. I need to go beat my kids into submission and get them to brush their rotting teeth. (Please don't report me to Child Services, I'm totally half-kidding about beating them.)

Good night!!

This is how bored I am.

2009-11-21T20:54:00.000-06:00

I never ever ever do these things. I ignore them when I get them in emails. I iz bord. BORD! So I'm stealing this from Beth.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. I don't know anybody with the SAME birthday, but my daughter, my sister, and my best friend from high school all have the same birthday...which is my half birthday.

2. Where was your first kiss? Ew, I think it was behind the church building. Oooh, wait, no! My brother's closet, some boy that I can remember what he looks like but not his name, we were 8 and practicing for when we were growed-ups.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No, but my granddad threw my ex-husband's TV down the stairs for me...it made a LOVELY crash all the way down.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Just the occasional whacks at Brian, but he's too quick. Butthead always wins.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yup. High school choir, high school musicals, worship team at church, college choir, college worship team, and backup for Avery Stafford's first album, LIFT UP YOUR VOICE. And that's my claim to fame.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Arms. I love strong arms.
7. What really turns you off? Arrogance.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Grande Skinny SF Cinnamon Dolce, light whip, brulee sprinkles. NOM.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Marrying my ex, but it helped me become who I am, I learned a lot about myself, and the whole circumstance led me to Brian so I can't complain too much. Although I know we would have ended up together anyway.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes. I don't do it anymore. 'Nuff said.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I have an addiction to what my sister and I call Trashy Korean Whore Shoes. These shoes MUST have animal print on them.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? My nickname in HS was Molly Ringwald, so....

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I hear them because they're on, and if I'm in the same room reading I might look up every once in a while. But in general, pleasegodno!

14. Did you have braces? Nope, I haz purdy teefs.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes, but I could go for my husband being a little taller. He doesn't like when I wear heels, I end up 6'.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? He didn't have time to do anything for Valentine's Day because they were in the middle of an exercise, so he stopped on his way home and got a box of X-Men valentine cards. On each of them he wrote stuff like "To the sexy lady that I love, from the guy that can't keep his hands off of you." He hid them all over the house, and I got to find them all. I still have them. In fact, I think I may pull them out tonight and re-read them. Otherwise, I tell our friend Josh that he needs to give Brian romance lessons.

17. When do you know its love? When we can fart in the middle of gettin' it on and laugh about it. Not that I've EVER done that.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Crazy cat lady. I'm fluent.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? I have SAD, it helps a lot. I wish I could afford it right now.
20. What magazines do you read? I have a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens that will never die, but I read it every once in a while. I also have a subscription to Food Network Magazine, and I read that cover to cover as soon as I get it.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Nope. I'm po'.
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? My brother died when he was 18, I was 22.
23. Do you watch MTV? I don't even know what channel it's on. Same with VH1.

24. What’s something that really annoys you? WHINING. Matt's been driving me nuts.

25. What’s something you really like? When my kitties climb into my lap and start purring.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? His music is pretty much my life's soundtrack. I went & saw THIS IS IT, and cried because it brought back so many memories of my brother and some things we went through.

27. Can you dance? Yes, of course! Can I dance WELL? Um, the ballerina hippos in Fantasia are probably more graceful than I am. But I at least entertain my kids.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? I've gone awake for 36+ hours, can't remember why.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Nope.

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? When I iz bord. Like NOW.

Me & My Big Mouth

2009-11-19T10:21:00.000-06:00

I try really hard to be a positive & kind person. Sometimes, though, I let the snarky bitch inside get the best of me. It's worse when I'm bummed or flat out depressed, because I don't realize that I'm letting her take control.

Apparently I've been bitchier & more selfish than I realized. Yesterday it dawned on me that I hadn't seen a lady that I knew from way back when on FB recently. I really enjoy her happy posts, she's just a genuinely nice person. So I checked my friend list, and sure enough, she's not there anymore. I haven't seen any posts from her since just after Halloween. As far as I know she's still on FB, because she's still got an account. I try to not let the snarky bitch show her face too much on FB, and I refrain from the potty mouth there because I have a lot of my old church friends on my FB. So I'm not sure what I could have said to offend or hurt her so much that she'd un-friend me. But, apparently I did, and that makes me sad.

This morning I decided I'd un-hide somebody that I had hidden for whatever reason that I can't remember anymore. When I went to do so, I found that she wasn't on my friend list either. And she's deleted her FB account. WAIT!!!! HA!!! NO, I spelled her name wrong! Whew, I don't feel HALF as guilty now...Anyway...my whole point was this, last week I was talking to an old friend that knows this person, and I mentioned that the person is a little...um...intense. I left it at that, though. So I got all worried that my friend had said something to the person, and that I had hurt her feelings.

So there really is a tie-in for WLS/obesity with all of this. (You thought I was just rambling, huh?)

I've been in a funk lately. I haven't wanted to go exercise, so I don't. I eat things that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating. (Helloooo? Halloween candy?! For an RNY patient?!) I've been snarky and really hard on myself, feeling worthless and truly "non-marketable." I think a lot of it is stemming from the fact that I'm a people pleaser, and by not getting hired or really even any bites for a job it feels like I'm failing at everything. And because I can't self-medicate like I used to (delicious high fat foods & baked goods that I'd gorge on until I'd numbed whatever was bothering me) it starts the whole cycle all over again. And again. And again. This whole FB thing just kind of topped things off, I guess. With the first person un-friending me it reinforced the idea that I'm doing something wrong, or am not "pleasing." With thinking that the second person had gotten off of FB because I had said something potentially mean and it had gotten back to her (see how important I am in my world?) it made me realize how...cranky? petty? mean? negative? I've been lately.

Just because we're getting thinner after WLS, it doesn't change who we are. We may be happier with the circumstances in our life that are dictated by weight, but we may still have to work on being happy with WHO WE ARE, as well. We ended up obese because we didn't know how to deal with being unhappy with our circumstances or who we are. If we don't learn healthy ways to deal, and focus on the joys in life rather than what's dragging us down...what's the point? At some point we'll just start the ugly cycle again.

So I'm starting over, starting today. It's time to be positive, to bring joy wherever and to whoever I can, and to realize that *gasp* it's not all about me. It's time for me to allow myself to be pleased with who I am.

Slimer!

2009-11-18T09:52:00.000-06:00

As post-ops we have to be careful about how much we eat. It's no longer a matter of "ooooooooooohhhh, mah bellay hurts, I ate too much" and then be done with it. No way dude, we've gotta COMPLICATE things.

Bandsters generally get what they call the foamies, and PB's (Productive Belching - upchucking chunks). Amy has some fabulous tales of PB's, quite entertaining.

Not me though. I get the Slimies. Most of the time I know what's going to set it off...just eating too much usually does it. If I'm not paying attention and I'm either eating too fast, bites that are too big, or just too much, I'm done for. Off to scrub the toilet so I can make the noise of a cat hacking up a hairball. (Brian finds this greatly amusing.)

A few weeks ago Slimer really took me by surprise. I had made a roast in the crock pot, and I had figured that since it was so tender that it fell apart, I'd be ok. Notsomuch. I didn't think about the fact that the meat fell apart in long fibers. And it was beef, so no matter how much you chew chew chew, it's still going to ball up at least a bit in your pouch. Long fibers just make the ball worse. All it took was one bite, as I was getting the kids' plates dished up. In less than a minute I realized I was getting that slimy feeling in the back of my throat. Then it was filling up my mouth, so much that I could almost chew it. I kept swallowing to try to make it stop, but no go. Back up it came.

There IS a physiological reason for Slimer. If you eat something that your pouch isn't able to handle or pass through your body is going to try to provide the lube to get the job done. Slime. Once you have enough slime in your pouch it will either lube the food enough to slide through the opening, or it will make it easier to get it back up.

Thankfully, throwing up isn't the trauma that it was before surgery. Before, I would have panic attacks if I got sick, I was always afraid of choking on the bile and the grossness of it all was just...ew! Get it out of my head! Anyway, for a good long while post-op we don't have bile. And since the pouch is so small, just some hairball hacking can get whatever is disagreeing out with no problem. I'm not saying this to encourage bulimia...I'm just saying that since it IS going to happen sometimes, thank goodness it's not the traumatic event that it used to be.

There is, of course, an easy way to avoid all this. Don't eat things you shouldn't eat! If your doc or dietitian hasn't cleared you for beef yet, don't eat it. Eat TENDER meat. You're only getting a little bit, go ahead and get the tenderloin instead of the chuck steak. Don't overcook it, and don't overcook your chicken or pork. Take tiny bites. (That's what bites me in the butt the most.) As obnoxious as it sounds...chew chew CHEW! The closer your food is to baby food consistency, the fewer problems you'll have. Most important, pay attention to your pouch. If it says that it's STARTING to feel full, you've already eaten too much.

Have a great day, listen to your body, and you'll be free from meeting up with Slimer the Hairball Hacker!

GIT OUTTA MAH FOOOOOOD!!!!

2009-11-15T23:00:00.000-06:00

I have snacks that I buy just for me. Mostly protein bar type stuff, but I have the mom-stash of M&M's hidden in my nightstand drawer, beef jerky...stuff like that. Two weeks ago I bought a box of Atkin's Caramel Peanut Nougat protein bars, and ate one. I left the box in the van for my "Oh crap I forgot to eat!" moments.

Tonight I went and got the box out of the van. And a bar was missing.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......

I buy these people I live with PLENTY OF FOOD. I make them cookies! I supply them with fresh fruit and veggies that I don't put a limit on! There's ALWAYS leftovers. The ONE thing I ask is that they stay out of my mom-stash stuff, because almost all of it is PROTEIN for me, and I NEED MY FRIGGIN' PROTEIN.

I think I might just cave in and buy a lock-box for my snacks. MY SNACKS!

And the best part......the protein bars don't even taste that great. I hope they get constipated. *pout*

Random Friday stuff

2009-11-06T09:16:00.000-06:00

1. My heart goes out to the family and friends of the Ft. Hood victims. I'm sick to my stomach and relieved at the same time that the shooter is alive. At least justice can be carried out this time.

2. OFFICIALLY NOT PREGNANT!! Thank you, God! I love my children, I love babies, but I just want to borrow babies.

3. A friend that I've talked to for a few years via message board has moved to OKC, and she and her family are coming over tonight. I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED. She's one of my favorite people on the board. With a name like Amy she can't be bad, right? LOL

4. Did I mention that I'm looking for a job? It sucks, I really want to be a SAHM still, and if I could figure out this whole "get paid to blog" thing I'd just do that, but...well...NEED MUNNIES NOW. One of the jobs I applied for is "Canteen Supervisor" at a correctional facility in a town 30 minutes away. And, somehow, I'm qualified for it. They must be desperate. I'm hoping to get the "Social Services Assistant" job, though, doing transition assistance with members that are getting out of the military. I think I'd be good at that. I just REALLY don't want another call center job.

5. I'm vaguely thinking about writing a book. My mom is really encouraging me on it, she's always liked my writing. But that's what moms are supposed to do, right? I have a title and subject, but that whole "nobody wants to read what I have to say" thing is holding me back. Besides the fact that I wouldn't have the first clue on how to get published, although technically that's not true because I have some folks at a message board that could point me the right way.

6. We seriously need to win the lottery. I already have planned out exactly how we'd spend and invest, what we'd do, all that fun stuff. All we need is that winning ticket.

7. I saw my PA in passing this week, the one that got me started on this whole surgical weight loss thing. I called out to her and she saw me and looked confused. I stood up and said, "It's Meagan!" and she just gaped at me. She didn't recognize me at all. LOL Felt great!

8. This week is the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street. I loved that show when I was a kid, and....(can you keep a secret?) I still do. If I knew what channel PBS was on I might even watch it by myself. Wow. It was only 7 years old when I was born. I'm getting oldish. I used to sing a bunch of Sesame Street songs to my kids when they were babies, and my favorite is still Ernie's "I'd Like to Visit the Moon." The version with Shawn Colvin is still beautiful. I still get teary eyed when I hear it. Happy Birthday, Sesame Street!

9. I really need to clean my office. Maybe if I do I'll find the inspiration to come in here and start writing my book?

10. If we won the lottery, I'd totally hire an organizer to come to my house and get everything in order. And train my kids on how to be organized. I'm good at STARTING being organized, but I don't stick to it.

11. The loveseat is here in the office right now. Do I want to keep it in here, or move it back into the living room?

12. I think I've been really depressed lately. Probably from the whore-moans being all wacky, with a little bit of current financial circumstances thrown in for good measure. Think I'm going to have to bump up my Happy Mommy Pills.

13. I've been stuck at 169ish pounds for a few weeks now. After my last cycle I dropped ten pounds in just over a week. I'm really hoping that happens with this cycle. If it does I might actually make goal weight by my birthday after all. At the least I'd like to make goal by my next appointment, December 22nd.

14. Bri's been working on an ORI (Operational Readiness Inspection) all week, so he's had to be at work before dawn some days. This is really jacking with my sleep. He's noisy when he gets up, and always kisses me goodbye. Once I'm awake, I'm awake. Grrrrrr....... At least he kisses me goodbye. Un-grrrrr.....

15. I've been playing a dangerous game this week and telling myself it's OK because it's the PMS. I've been getting into the Halloween candy. I love me some fun size Butterfingers. And if I only eat one (at a time!) I don't get sick. Problem is I do this several times a day. Good thing is...Butterfingers are almost gone. ;) Thankfully I don't crave chocolate or sugar all the time, I think this week has just been particularly cravey.

16. I love watching my cats sleep. The sprawl is just hilarious. Yeah, I speak crazy cat lady, fluently.

17. I think we're going to find a church to start going to, again. I have nothing nice to wear so it's going to have to be a super casual church (finally there are a few here in OK) but I'm still most comfortable with Church of Christ in some ways. Then again, because of some things that happened looooooooong ago, I have a hard time trusting the Church of Christ. I have to tell myself that it was different people, different circumstances. Anyway, I've been having that feeling in my heart that I just really need to get back to church. I miss it.

18. I need some nicer clothes. For work and for church. Back in September I gave away an entire wardrobe of business casual clothes and haven't been able to replace anything. I don't even have a nice pair of pants, just jeans. And it's one of those, "I need a job so I can get some decent clothes, but can't get decent clothes until I have a job" type things. ERGH.

19. Lottery.

20. Lottery.

This is what I get for joking that I want another baby.

2009-11-03T14:15:00.000-06:00

Because I DON'T want another baby. We took measures to be sure that we WON'T be having more babies. The three we've got right now do JUST GREAT driving me crazy, they don't need any more help.

Back in July I had a crazy menstrual cycle. Lots of clotting, super gross, I ended up in the ER. I think I blogged about it, because...well...I blog about everything. Anywhoozle...since then my cycles have been fine. Maybe a little bit lighter and shorter in duration, but still REGULAR.

Now I'm about a week late. I had a few PMS symptoms last week, mostly really sore breasts and craving chocolate. But I never started my period. My breasts started getting sore again last night, and I had some really light (as in "am I imagining this?") spotting last night, but it's gone today. And I'm so freakin' tired. Then again, that could be from the time change and probably being a bit anemic since I'm out of my iron supplement.

Here's the thing. I've peed on a stick TWICE now, and I think I might again tomorrow. One of my friends online has told me that I need to get some white pants and spend $20 on pregnancy tests and THAT will start my period. LOL

I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. Like...90% sure. And that 10% scares the crap out of me. It's really not healthy to get pregnant so soon after weight loss surgery, and every single surgeon will advise against it. Your body is already working so hard at losing the weight and then it gets all confused because it has to work even harder to grow a new life. (Your body works as hard to grow a baby as it would to climb a mountain. Didja know that?)

I've been looking up articles online and most of the studies I've seen reference menstrual cycles becoming MORE regular after weight loss. I haven't found a single one that mentions a missed cycle. And while I have lost a lot of weight fairly quickly, it's been a steady loss and it's not an unhealthy loss to where I'm underweight. Amenorrhea just doesn't make sense to me, in this situation.

Brian had a vasectomy, six years ago. (In fact, the day I was supposed to start my cycle was the anniversary. LOL) So like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I'm still freaking out. I think I'm going to go call Sarah, Dr. G's nurse.

Beth & Shelly, I could use your input on this!!!

Deep Zumba thoughts

2009-11-03T09:00:00.000-06:00

When I'm bouncing and shaking my stuff at Zumba, I'm also thinking really deep thoughts. And by deep I mean a lot of them start with "Dude!" Super deep, right? I really amuse myself with my deep thoughts, and every once in a while I might even get a little profound. OK, not often, but still...

* Dude! I just bought these pants two weeks ago! Don't fall off already!

* Look at all those husbands watching us. Wusses. Get yer butts in here, you can DOOOO iiiit!!!

* No more coffee for Joan. NO MORE! (Joan is my favorite instructor, and I swear she was on speed yesterday. The good kind!)

* Huh. Why are people watching me to keep up? I'm watching that chick up there, SHE's keeping up with Joanie! Oh wait, I guess I am too. COOL! People are actually watching ME to keep up!! Who'da thunk it?

* Crap, my water is gone. Bigger bottle next time!

* Ooooh, yay! My favorite song! BOOM BOOM!

* More spins! Pick a spot to focus on so you don't get dizzy. Who am I kidding? I'll get dizzy anyway.

* Dude! I just did the salsa-kicky-thing almost right! Suh-weet!

* Chicken dance? Really? I can't do that by itself without falling over, how am I supposed to do it and swing my hips at the same time? Nah-nah-nah-nah-nuh-nuh-nuh....

* Move feet! Quit tripping me!

* Hey, Halloween is over! Why do I still have batwings? Good thing there's nobody behind me, they might get smacked by flying flesh.

* Dude! I can see my collar bones! I'm still shocked every time...

* HOW is that woman not breaking a sweat? She's keeping up just as well as everybody else. Dang, if she weren't so cute I'd have to hate her.

* Why do women bother getting all prettied up with full makeup to go work out? Doesn't it feel like a mask sliding off once you start sweating? EW.

* More water! I think I've sweated it all out. I smell like I did!

* I wonder if the sno-cone place is still open? Mmmmmmmmm.......snooooooowwwwwcoooonnne....

* More husbands watching. Dude, they look jealous that we can Zumba and they think they can't.

* Wish I could get Brian to Zumba. He won the motorcycle battle, I should be able to get his ass in here, to at least try it once.

* I want to be a Zumba instructor when I grow up. Too bad I'd fall on my face in front of everybody. "THAT WASN'T PART OF IT!!!"

* Classic Rock Zumba would be freakin' awesome. Queen! Bowie! The Who! Zepplin! The Doors! AC/DC!!!!!

OK, so that was just a smidge....maybe someday I'll grace you with more Zumba thoughts...LOL

Let's Get Some Shoes, Betch!

2009-10-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

This is my sister's an my favorite video on YouTube. I'm all about the shoes, betch. Now you can be too. Oprah has posted a 50% off coupon for full purchases at Payless, but it ends on the 30th. I hope I have time to get to the store!! I REALLY hope it doesn't turn into another KFC debacle.

Anyway...video...

And coupon....http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20091016-tows-payless

AV-ER-AGE!

2009-10-24T17:23:00.000-05:00

Suh-WWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!! According to FINDMYBMI.COM I am finally of AVERAGE weight. This is different from the Obesity Help BMI calculator, it says I have 4 or 5 pounds to go, but it also only takes into consideration height and weight. FINDMYBMI.COM takes height, weight, age, and gender, so I think that one is a bit more complete. I DIG!!!!

I also recently joined RealizeMySuccess.com. AWESOME site. It's from Johnson&Johnson, the company that brings us the Realize band, but they've opened it to just about all weight loss surgery patients. So if you've had LapBand or RNY, you can join. It's got some incredible features. Lots of goodies on the home page, a MyProgress tab (stats, goals, pics, "theNewMe"), MyPersonalPlan tab (reminders, appointments, nutrition, temptations, success strategies, support team), MyNutrition (Food diary, recipes), MyFitness (diary & plan), and a search and share tab. I'm just now getting in to it, but it looks like the best of all the "health" sites I've joined. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, best of all....EET EEES FREE. My favorite word. (Along with AVERAGE. Hehehe) The virtual model is really fun. I think the best feature of all, though, is that almost all of the bariatric surgeons in the US are connected to this, so they can check & see how we're doing. (OK, sometimes that's a bad thing, but usually good!)

In a funk and want to eat.

2009-10-23T22:59:00.000-05:00

I'm irritated with my husband and my sewing machine, in that order. I've been asking him to watch a movie with me for over a week now, and it's clear he won't. OK, fine whatever. I'm stupidly irritated, but it's a deeper issue than just the movie and I know it. Get over it, Meagan. As far as the sewing machine, I paid $60 a few weeks ago to get a tune up and replace the bobbin winder belt. Heeeeeeeeyy....my bobbin winder doesn't work AGAIN! And I'm trying to make a curtain for my friend's classroom. GRRR....

Anyway...point of all this is that I really want to go digging in the kitchen. Or in my nightstand for those M&M's. I'm not hungry, I know it's emotional. I had a protein shake for breakfast/lunch, coffee later in the day, some Triscuits with cheese as a snack (lesson learned about Triscuits, HOLY BLOATY), tortilla chips with cheese and salsa for another snack, taco soup for dinner, and a SF ice cream bar for dessert. I'm nowhere NEAR hungry. And I'm overloaded on carbs for today between the triscuits and the tortilla chips. But I still want to crunch. Like Dortios. Thank God we don't have any in the house.

OK....water.....drink water and go to bed and read. Maybe pop an extra Wellbutrin?

(It's really good I don't have wine in the house right now....I WOULD be drinking it.)

Sabotage

2009-10-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

What a great word! SABOTAGE. It makes me think of spies, bad guys, intentional chaos, loss of control, and FAMILY.

My dear friend Amy was talking about how her mom doesn't intend to sabotage her weight loss. And I'm sure she doesn't. But inevitably, the people we depend on most for support will inevitably end up sabotaging our efforts at one point or another. Sometimes it might even end up as self-sabotage. We might go visit the folks and they'll have their normal junk food in the house. That Oreo looks so good! It won't hurt to have just one! But that one turns into another one half an hour later, and before we know it we've eaten half a package of Oreos in a single day. Or a whole bag of chips. Or that bag of M&M's that's in my nightstand drawer. (Don't tell the kids! That's MOM'S stash!)

Sometimes we don't think about the fact that we're putting excess calories and fat into our mouths, and where it's going. We may be eating and grazing because we're bored. It may be because the people we're around cause us stress and eating is our soothing mechanism. It may be just because it's what everybody else is doing. We MUST think about every single thing we put in our mouths, and why we're doing it. We made the choice to have a body modification to help us lose weight, but (I hate saying this) it's just a tool. If we're making the choice to eat the crap then WHY have weight loss surgery?

What are your junk addictions that you're having a hard time putting away? Why do you think it's so difficult to put it aside and turn it away when it's screaming in your face? What can you do to deal with those addictions?

The holidays are coming up faster than I care to think of, and for a lot of people it's a stressful time. We'll be gathering with family and carrying on traditions that have gone on for generations. Inevitably, those traditions are going to center on food. One of the most important things I've learned since having surgery is that a family gathering is about the time we spend together as a family, it's not about the food. I don't have to sample every single thing that's out on the table just because it's there. Not only will people not care if I don't eat it, they likely won't even notice because we're so busy just spending good time together.

What about those people that DO notice, though? The ones that are pushy and want you to eat more? It depends...Are you open with your family about your surgery and weight loss? Tell them that your tummy only gives you "Iiiiiiitty bitty living space!" and "Thanks, but I'm really just not hungry." Still pushing? Give them FACTS. Your stomach, fully stretched to capacity, only allows you to hold 1/4 to 3/4 cup of food. Because of this you have to be selective about your food choices and need to get good filling proteins in first, then veggies. That doesn't leave room for much of anything else. You might choose to have a bite or two of pumpkin pie later on (if you know your tummy can handle it) but for right now, thanks but no thanks.

If you're not sharing your weight loss with your family and they start noticing that you're eating less, and maybe start pushing you to eat more...there's still nothing wrong with saying no. Maybe "Thanks, but I'm working on living healthier." DON'T pretend to eat more, because you WILL eat more. You don't have to be honest with the people around you about your surgery, but you DO have a responsibility to be honest with YOURSELF.

So back to the issue of family or friends bringing crap around you when you're not sure you can refrain from it. It's really hard to speak up, especially when you don't want to point out THEIR eating issues. I firmly believe, though, that the best gift we can give ourselves and our families is our gentle honesty. There's absolutely nothing wrong with sitting a family member down and making a point of having a discussion. Explain that while you respect their choice to eat what they want it's difficult for you to not eat those things when that person is around. It's a habit to share those foods with that person, and food habits are the oldest habits most of us have, and are the hardest to break. You want to continue spending time with that person, but it would be so helpful to YOU if they'd not bring the snack junk around you. Who knows, maybe you can put your heads together and come up with some healthier choices to snack on? (Mmm....homemade hummus and veggies!) I think my biggest point, really, is that we need to speak up for ourselves.

Think about everything you're putting in your mouth. Do you need it or do you want it? Are you going to regret it later? Why do you want it? Is it an emotional or physical craving? Can you stop yourself at one cookie, one chip, one sip? Do you want it just because it's a habit? Be honest with yourself!

Thumbs up!! When people question why I'm eating so slowly or leaving so much on my plate I show them my thumb. "This is how big my stomach is. Iiiiiiiiitty bitty living space!!!" Sometimes a simple explanation is the best.

Quality, not quantity. Enjoy the family you're with. You might even have MORE fun without that loaded plate in hand.

Be honest with yourself and those around you. You can be honest with somebody and not tell them the full truth.

I CAN....

2009-10-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

I can lean over to tie my shoes. And the tie is on top, not the side, of the shoe.

I can go hard on the elliptical for more than two miles and barely break a sweat.

I can lean over and hold my ankles, and my boobs touch my knees. Not because of gravity, either!

I can do the dishes without incredible back pain. Just don't tell my daughter!

I can last 400 miles on the back of my husband's motorcycle.

I can wear boots and not have to worry about getting a size bigger to fit my calves.

I can jump onto my husband and have him hold me and not worry about hurting him.

I can get into my van with the door barely opened (thanks to the person that parked way too close to me) and not have to squeeze in.

I can say hello to my neighbor and have her give me a "who the hell are you?!" look because she doesn't recognize me.

I can catch my 10 year old when she runs away from me.

I can work in my garden without back pain.

I can keep up with my husband when we're walking somewhere.

I can look in the mirror and believe that I am smaller than the average American woman. (Wow, that sounds arrogant!)

I can have a few bites of chocolate or ice cream and be able to push them away before I eat so much that I get sick.

I can spend time with family in a food centered situation and realize that it's not about the food, it's about the family.

I can do naughty things with my husband that he says are none of your business!!!

I can dance and Zumba my cares away and not feel like a cow tripping around about to land on somebody.

I can shop in the "regular" misses section. Still automatically going to the plus section, but then I realize I'm in the wrong place!

I can shop in "normal" stores! Gap! Eddie Bauer! Banana Republic! American Eagle! Victoria's Secret! (OK, so I haven't shopped at Vicky's yet, but I'll be hitting that next payday. I want perky boobs!)

I can sit in my van and not overflow the driver's seat.

I can sit in my jacuzzi bathtub and have four inches to spare on each side of me.

I can fit in the flapper Halloween costume that I wore the first Halloween that Brian and I were together, before I found out I was pregnant with Bethany. (Hm, might wear that this Halloween!)

I can wear high heels without pain. I can even walk through downtown in heels without killing myself. I can even DANCE in high heels.

I can stand face to face with my husband and kiss him, and not have to reach to do it.

I can cuddle with my husband and have his arms wrapped all the way around me, not just reaching.

I can mow the front yard without feeling like I'm going to fall over and die. I still break out in hives, but I don't fall over and die.

I can climb up to the top bunk on my girls' bed and not feel like I'm going to come crashing down on my 12 year old.

I can carry two heavy bags of groceries out to the van from the store and not drop them.

I can carry things in front of me, instead of having to prop them on my hip because my stomach is in the way.

I can cross my legs like a LADY.

I can stand with my arms hanging down to my sides, instead of sticking out like an ape. OK, they stick out a little bit, but that's because of my boobs.

I can look down and not have three chins.

I can tilt my head downward and not have two chins.

I can look at a picture of myself and see a difference.

I can be proud of what I've accomplished so far.

I can have faith in myself that I WILL lose the last 20 pounds.

I can have faith in myself that I will keep the weight off for the rest of my life.

I spend too much time thinking about this...

2009-10-15T14:34:00.000-05:00

I'm down to 169 by my scale today. And I like my scale so that's the number I'm going with. So, OCD freak that I am, I figured out that if I lose an average of 3 pounds a week I WILL MAKE GOAL WEIGHT BY MY BIRTHDAY.

Starting Monday my butt will be back in the gym, I don't care if I'm still not feeling well. I WILL make it by my birthday.

I just applied for the Ambush Makeover on the Today Show...

2009-10-14T11:04:00.000-05:00

I sent them the pics that are below and told them about how I've "undergrown" my clothes, and now when I go shopping I have to send text pics to my friends to get the OK for what I'm trying on. I have no clue how to dress myself anymore!

Feel Yourself Up and Get to Know Your New Boobies

2009-10-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

After WLS EVERYTHING changes...and I do mean everything. Even the tissues in our breasts can change. This morning I was feelin' myself up in the shower (aka doing my breast exam) and I kind of freaked myself out for a moment.

I felt lumps.

OK, I admit, it scared the shit out of me.

Then I realized, "Heeeeeeeeeey, those are my RIBS!!!!"

Feel yourself up frequently as your body changes, so you can recognize what lumps, bumps, and bones SHOULD be there.

By the way....

2009-10-12T23:46:00.005-05:00

Bought two pair of size 10 jeans this weekend. Yeah baby!!! Down 85 pounds, 23 to go.

Size 22, 258 pounds the 173 pounds, 85 pounds down,
night before surgery. 23 to go.

Gastric Bypass Makes for a CHEAP Date

2009-10-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

Brian and I are hoping to have a nice date night this weekend. If we do, we'll hit a steakhouse that offers a surf & turf dinner. He'll have the steak, prepared the way I like it so I can have a bite or three, and I get the lobster/shrimp/fish/whateveritisbecauseIloveseafood. (Because it's all about me, right?) On top of that, though, I'm going to have WINE. I'll only need about half a glass to have a grand old time, though.

I love wine. I started getting into wine about two years ago, but back then I preferred sweet wines. I wasn't all that big on reds unless they were dessertish. I preferred a nice fruity pinot over a chardonnay. Notsomuch anymore. Now I'm all about the dry. I think it's because I don't care for sweet as much on anything anymore. I had a glass of Fat Bastard Cabernet Sauvignon last week that made me just want to climb on the roof like in those Dunkin' Donuts coffee commercials, though. "I love this wine!!!"

The great part, though, is that it only takes about half a glass to give me a nice buzz. Let me state for the record right now, I DO NOT DRINK TO GET DRUNK, I DO NOT LIKE TO BE DRUNK. My dad is an alcoholic and I won't put my kids through what I went through. I do, however, enjoy a glass once a month or so (more often in the last few weeks, maybe once or twice a week in the last three weeks). Half a glass is enough to get me good & giggly and appreciative of my incredibly handsome husband. (Sigh...isn't he gorgeous?)

Here's the thing...because we've had so much of our stomach removed, the wine is going directly to our small intestine where it's immediately absorbed into the bloodstream. In a normal stomach it would take as much as twenty to thirty minutes to start to metabolize into the system, and because metabolization would start IN the stomach, there's be less to absorb through the intestines, and it would take more for the buzz to hit. Now, with the immediate absorption, it only takes a good two ounces or so to get us legally drunk. Granted, it's going to go THROUGH us faster, but it hits us harder and faster too.

Talk to your doctor before you start drinking again. ESPECIALLY if you think you may have addiction transfer issues. If you do, then avoid it altogether, it's not worth the heartache of what you'd do to your family were you to allow that monkey on your back. If you and your doctor decide that it IS OK, enjoy in moderation, take it slow, and know that a bottle of wine tastes just as beautiful a few nights later as it does the night you open it.

Be jealous, I know I would be!!

2009-10-06T06:25:00.000-05:00

Chef Dave is coming to OKC, and he's going to talk to us about cooking for the family post-surgery. I believe he'll be preparing a recipe and bringing cookbooks for sale as well. I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!! Don't know who Chef Dave is? SHAME ON YOU! No, not really, but you should get to know him. He's all neato & stuff. Clicky the linky up top, or to go to his site, clicky HERE.

He'll be at the Integris Baptist Support Group in the main auditorium, Tuesday October 20, 6:30 to 8 PM. If you're local, PLEASE join us. If you're not, hop on a plane! I've got plenty of floorspace for a campout!

Gee, ya think?

2009-10-05T07:11:00.001-05:00

A study has shown that SODA CONSUMPTION IS LINKED TO OBESITY.

I used to drink up to 8 sodas a day. In high school my nickname was C.C, as I got through the day on a 6 pack of Cherry Coke and Cherry Pop-Tarts. (As skinny as I was, I can only wonder what I would have looked like had I eaten HEALTHY.) At my worst I worked my way through a case of soda in two days. Unfortunately, this is fairly standard with Americans.

A teaspoon of sugar weighs 4.2 grams, and there's approximately 39 grams of sugar in one 12 oz can of soda. That works out to just over 9 teaspoons of sugar per can. At 8 12 oz sodas a day, I was consuming just over 74 teaspoons of sugar a day. One cup is 48 teaspoons. That's over a 1 1/2 cups of sugar a day, JUST IN THE LIQUID I WAS CONSUMING. Not including the crap I was eating.

In all reality, I did have a fairly healthy diet when it came to my regular meals. It was my snacking that was getting me in trouble, all of my snacks were either sugary or loaded with corn syrup as a stabilizer/preservative. I'm sure that between my soda intake and the junk I was getting over two cups of sugar a day. I can't believe I didn't end up diabetic earlier than I did.

Now here's my biggest issue in all of this...my prior diet/habits are STANDARD for most American kids. Their parents choose to feed their kids crap, because theoretically it's cheaper than eating healthy. Or they don't want to hear their kids whining for the crap, so they shut them up by stuffing their faces. It sickens me to see a two year old with a huge can of soda, and the mom thinking nothing of it. And parents just can't figure out why their kids are fat.

Through all of my terrible habits, I am glad to say that I was pretty selfish about it. I didn't allow my kids to have soda except on special occasions, and snacks consisted of cheese, fruit, and whole grain crackers. (At least I tried to. Sometimes I did let them have some crap, but it was rare.) Good habits start early, bad habits start even earlier. I'm praying that I didn't pass my food issues on to my kids. If I did, I really hope that I can help them understand what lies beneath these habits, and teach them about being HEALTHY.

Give yourself credit!!

2009-10-05T06:27:00.002-05:00

At the ball last week I saw my surgeon, and he hadn't seen me in a while. Nice guy that he is, he told me I looked great. I gave him a big hug and told him, "This is thanks to you, you know!!"

He said, "I know." Rather smugly...

That's when it hit me. Yes, he is a wonderful surgeon, but he did a TWO HOUR procedure on my guts. I AM THE ONE THAT IS PUTTING IN ALL THE WORK. It's up to me to make the right food choices, to exercise, and to seek support when I need it. I truly appreciate that he's given me the physical ability to finally lose the weight so my outside can match my inside, but I didn't realize until that night that I need to give myself credit for what I'm doing.

I'm not just doing this for myself. I'm doing this for my husband and my kids. But I AM THE ONE THAT'S DOING IT.

We're saving second base!!!!!

2009-10-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

I went to a TWO HOUR LONG Zumba-thon tonight, and we raised OVER $1700 FOR A TEAM WALKING IN THE DALLAS 3-DAY WALK FOR THE CURE!!!!! I'm so stinkin' happy and proud that I'm almost crying. We also raised an additional $400 in T-shirt sales. Yay for healthy knockers!!!!

Old Fashioned Strawberry Milkshake

2009-10-01T06:38:00.000-05:00

Mmmmmm......I thought I was in an old fashioned ice cream shop!

2/3 c frozen sliced strawberries
1/2ish cup water
1 serving Strawberry Blast Chike protein powder

Buzz it up really well in your blender, and feel like you're drinking something naughty. FOUR NOMS.

MMMMMMMMMM.....proteiny goodness!!!

2009-09-29T08:20:00.003-05:00

FINALLY!!!! A protein supplement that DOESN'T make me want to puke my guts out!!

I contacted the folks at Chike and asked for some samples for my support group, and holy cow did they come through. Each sample comes in half portion measures, just right for testing out. Each measure is to be mixed into four ounces of water.

The nutrition info for each flavor:

Nutritional Facts:
	Chocolate Bliss		Strawberry Burst		Orange Creme		Banana Magic		Very Vanilla
	2 Scoops	3 Scoops	2 Scoops	3 Scoops	2 Scoops	3 Scoops	2 Scoops	3 Scoops	2 Scoops	3 Scoops
Amount per Serving	(48g)	{72g}	(48g)	{72g}	(48g)	{72g}	(48g)	{72g}	(48g)	{72g}
Calories	190	280	190	280	190	280	190	280	190	280
Calories from Fat	35	50	35	50	35	50	35	50	35	50
Percent Daily Value
Total Fat 4g*	6%	9%	6%	9%	6%	9%	6%	9%	6%	9%
Saturated Fat 1g	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 15mg	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%	5%	8%
Sodium 210mg	9%	13%	9%	13%	9%	13%	9%	13%	9%	13%
Potassium 240mg	7%	10%	7%	10%	7%	10%	7%	10%	7%	10%
Total Carbohydrate 11g	4%	5%	4%	5%	4%	5%	4%	5%	4%	5%
Dietary Fiber 3g	12%	20%	12%	20%	12%	20%	12%	20%	12%	20%
Sugars 3g
Protein 28g	56%	84%	56%	84%	56%	84%	56%	84%	56%	84%

INGREDIENTS: Whey protein isolate, whey protein concentrate, natural and artificial flavor (includes annatto and turmeric added for color), soy protein isolate, sunflower oil, maltodextrin, polydextrose, corn syrup solids, magnesium phosphate, cellulose gum, soy lecithin, dextrose, sodium caseinate, salt, mono- and diglycerides, potassium phosphate, calcium phosphate, sucralose, medium chain triglycerides, acesulfame K, ascorbic acid, zinc sulfate, alpha¬tocopherol acetate, tocopherols added to protect flavor, niacinamide, L-selenomethionine, reduced iron, calcium pantothenate, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate, vitamin A palmitate, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin, thiamine mononitrate, folic acid, chromium chloride, biotin, potassium iodide, sodium molybdate, phytonadione, vitamin 03, vitamin B12.

OK, so I don't love that you have to use so many scoops to get a full serving of protein, but then again it does help reduce the thick milky feeling that so many protein supps have. It also gives you the option of having just a snack instead of a full meal replacement.

Tastewise....IS NOM!!! So far I've only tried the Chocolate, Very Vanilla, and Banana. I'll be getting into the Strawberry and Orange Creme today. The chocolate and vanilla are both divine. The Banana tastes like the yummy banana pudding from childhood, that should ALWAYS be scooped up with Nilla wafers. Creamy, thick but not overly so, and don't leave that "GAAAAAAG I just drank curdled milk!" feeling. It fills you up nicely without sitting heavily in your stomach. And they blend up with ice PERFECTLY, without getting foamy. I also really like that you don't have to use milk to blend it. When blended with room temp tap water it mixed up great, no lumps at all. (Nobody loves a lumpy protein!) This would be great for tossing into a formula container for a take-along. I'll be blending with cold water today to check for "cold-blend-ability."

This is going to be great for using in my own shake recipes and drinks. I did try the vanilla in my coffee one day...oops, it was too hot! If you want to use it as a powdered creamer LET YOUR COFFEE COOL FOR A FEW MINUTES FIRST or you'll have scrambled coffee. I tried it again the right way...GOOD STUFF. I'll post a few ideas at the end...

It IS a little pricey, but I'm learning that good protein is worth spending money on. For a 1.59 lb tub with 15 servings it's $26.50. BUT WAIT!!!! I have a discount code for you!!! YOU can pay just 22.53 with my 15% discount code, keeler15. And really, who doesn't love saving money? With the discount code that works out to $1.50 per serving. And because it IS a whey protein isolate, you're getting high quality absorbability.

All in all, I give it...FOUR NOMS.

Contact the folks at Chike, and get some proteiny goodness. You won't regret it!!

Shake ideas:

Chocolate/PB/Nanner

1 serving CHIKE Chocolate protein supplement

1 tbsp JIF Natural peanut butter

1/2 banana

1 cup crushed ice

1/2 cup water

Buzz in the blender until smooth & creamy.

Peach Pie

1 serving CHIKE Very Vanilla protein supplement

4-6 slices frozen peach (yes, frozen works better)

dash of cinnamon (I love love love Pampered Chef Cinnamon Plus)

1/2 cup ice

1/2 cup water

Buzz in the blender until smooth & creamy.

Banana Cream Pie Shake (like Sonic used to make!)

1 serving CHIKE Banana protein supplement

2 tbsp fat free half & half

1 tbsp banana or vanilla sugar free pudding mix

1/2 cup ice

1/2 cup water

2 Murray sugar free vanilla wafers, crushed

a good squirt of Whipped Cream from the can

Buzz up everything BUT the wafers & whipped cream until smooth & creamy, add in the wafers for just a quick pulse. Top off with some whipped cream just before serving

Later on today I'll be making myself a Peppermint Mocha Frappucino

1 serving CHIKE Chocolate protein supplement

1 cup strong, cold coffee

1 cup crushed ice

2-4 pumps DaVinci SF Peppermint Paddy syrup

Whipped cream to top

Take a wild guess on what to do...

That's just a few ideas for now. Some friends have been asking for protein shake recipes, so I'll be posting those over the next few days. I meant to do it last week....but...well, you know me. I put off procrastinating!!

Have a beautiful day!!!

A WOW moment...for my husband.

2009-09-27T14:16:00.001-05:00

After bariatric surgery we start having our WOW moments. Sometimes it's a moment when we see ourselves in a mirror and don't recognize ourselves. Other times it may be the fact that we can do something that we never would have done before surgery. Last night my WOW moment was actually my husband's, and it put a huge grin on my face for the rest of the night.

We went to the Ball from Obesity last night, and hadn't yet showed Brian my dress. I wanted him to get the full effect. So I was finally ready to go and came out of the bedroom just as Brian was talking to a friend on the phone. My husband went speechless for a few moments, his jaw dropped, and he just got this great smile on his face. I have never felt so beautiful or sexy in my life as I did in that moment. And he made me feel that way over and over again through the night, as we danced and had a fabulous time. He danced with me more last night than he did at our wedding!

I also had a little moment of clarity last night. (I can hear the snickers, shut it! LOL) At the Ball some of my tablemates and I were talking about how easily the weight comes off after surgery, and all of the wonderful ways our lives have changed. As I've said here before, bariatric surgery is certainly NOT an easy way out of obesity. But the comments really got me thinking. So much of this seems easy, with the way the weight is melting off. Then my clarity...Bariatric surgery isn't an easy way out, it makes what was once impossible POSSIBLE. It's made aspects of my life easier, but it's something I work at every day, either by taking the time to exercise, being careful about my food intake so I don't get sick, making sure I get enough protein... It just feels easy, because my life has improved so greatly.

I'm so thankful that I had surgery. I'm not a different person, and I'm definitely shrinking in stature. But the best parts of me are bigger and better than ever.

Ball from Obesity

2009-09-24T17:34:00.000-05:00

We can't do the Walk on Saturday morning because Brian has to coach Matt's football game (BTW, little 5 & 6 year old boys playing football = CUTEST THING ON EARTH!!!). BUUUUUUUUT, we're going to the Ball from Obesity that night. It's a last minute thing, we weren't going to go because we be broke, but my sugreon's office very generously "had to give away some tickets," so we get to go after all.

So of course I HAD to get a new dress, because I got rid of all my fat clothes. And guess what guess what GUESSWHAT....

I bought a size 10.

Holy crapoly! Has vanity sizing really gone that much bigger? Because I didn't even wear a 10 in high school. I forgot to do the sit-down test in it, but I don't think it will be that bad. At least, I hope.

I've gone from a 26 at my biggest, to a 10. And I still have 33 pounds to lose.

Wanna see the dress?

Can't find the shoes online, I'll have to get a pic of them later.

Brian is in Vegas right now...

2009-09-20T21:56:00.000-05:00

He'll get home on Friday, and I can't wait. In the meantime, though, he really needs to hit the casino and win me some money. I've decided that I want my own motorcycle!! I've been parousing, and I'm back & forth between a V-Star and a Vulcan Nomad. 'Cause I'm all badass now, apparently. LOL

Protein first...

2009-09-17T07:35:00.000-05:00

I've really been neglecting the "Protein first" rule, and had been doing "caffeine first" instead. Sooooo...starting today I'm back to protein first. I'm making myself have some sort of protein beverage BEFORE coffee every day. My goal is to get 70 grams of GOOD protein every day (Goldfish crackers just don't cut it, even if they do have 4 grams of protein per serving. And yes, I got excited over that.), so the earlier in the day that I start...the better.

Today I'm having a Pumpkin shake for breakfast. It really reminds me of those awesome pumpkin pie shakes that I used to get at Dairy Queen EVERY FREAKIN' DAY when I was in high school. I got the recipe from Beth's site. NOM NOM NOM. I added a touch of Pampered Chef's Cinnamon Plus, and it's purrrrfect. NOM.

And did you know that pumpkin has a TON of Vitamin C, which helps you absorb iron? Good stuff, Maynard.

OK, I think I've found a cut that I like... (AKA, pic of unknown lady on my blog)

2009-09-11T07:59:00.001-05:00

Whatchoo think? That's how thick my hair USED to be, and I don't think I'd wear it down over my forehead like that (oil slick much?) but that's about the length that I want. Brian's gonna haaaaaaaaaaate it. LOL

Even as short as it is, it's still pretty versatile. And I can even spike it when I'm feeling like a badass. Fauxhawk anybody?

Choice

2009-09-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

I made the conscious decision to eat ice cream. Real ice cream, full fat, full sugar, my best buddies Ben and Jerry. I'm on the edge of losing my shit and I chose to self medicate with the number one thing that made me fat to begin with.

Of course, it didn't make me feel better. It didn't numb me like it used to. Instead, I want to cry even more because I'm so aware of the choice that I made. It's not like it was even an "OOPS, I started out with a full pint, it's all gone now!"

Granted, I didn't eat the entire pint this time. I don't think I even had a full serving, maybe a quarter cup, at most. It's the fact that I chose to risk dumping. I turned to my entrapment to deal with my emotions and still wasn't able to deal with them because I sat there pissed off at myself for having the spoon in one hand and the pint in the other. I was pissed because there wasn't an immediate solution to what I was stressing about, and the kids were running around being sneaky and I lost my shit. Brian, my best friend and the person I love most in the world, left this morning for two weeks so I couldn't even go to him for support. I'm spoiled by having him around all the time (fuck...I hate crying...) and even though he can't make it better, he at least makes me FEEL better.

I HAVE to find a different release. I HAVE to get back to exercising, that was helping immensely. But I have to find something for when going to the gym isn't feasible. (Killing a bottle of wine by myself probably isn't such a great choice either.)

Fuck, I hate this. I hate that I chose to eat it. I hate that I've been choosing to eat crap for the last few weeks and haven't been working on my protein like I should. I'm so angry at myself, and I end up taking it out on everybody else because I turn into a raging bitch, and then I get even more angry at myself.

So now I'm wallowing...and I've got bubble gut. So far no actual dumping symptoms, but I think I'm going to get a big glass of water and try to get the poison to wash through my system faster, maybe turn on some CD's and light some candles in the bathroom.

I want Brian home. :( Ben & Jerry don't remotely compare to him...

SSSSSHHHHHH.....

2009-09-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

Don't tell Brian, but I'm thinking of getting my hair cut. Short. Like Beth's. He hates short hair on me, and doesn't want me cutting it shorter than my chin. But I'm losing so much hair right now, and it's making me insane.

I've got until the 15th to decide. I have a coupon for a $30 wash, cut, & style at Ulta, so I figured I'd use it. I need SOMETHING done. I think I'm going to get some Nioxin shampoo, too, and see if it actually works. Otherwise I may very well be the first person to ever go bald from post-surgical protein loss.

HELP ME FIND GOOD HAIR!! If not something as short as Beth's, something CUTE. All I ever end up with is a variation on a bob, and I'm sick of it.

So proud of myself.

2009-09-07T13:55:00.000-05:00

I just got down about 18 grams of FOOD protein. I had a scrambled egg and two slices of ham. If you know me, you know that's BIG. I have a hard time getting down enough protein.

My goal is to start getting down 70 grams of protein a day. That's up from the 30-40 that I usually get on a really good day. This means I'm going to have to REALLY start getting serious about the protein drinks. Whiiiiiich can be a problem, because I still have issues with milkiness. I thought it was because of the intense heat this summer, but it's not. I just can't do milky anymore. I even tried Muscle Milk, which is supposed to be one of the easier ones to get down, and I just can't do it. PUKE.

I can, however, do Nectar. The only one I've tried so far is the Roadside Lemonade, but it's really good. On it's own it's kind of flat and missing the acidity that makes real lemonade so good, but it's GREAT mixed in a Chick-Fil-A diet lemonade, or with a packet of Ocean Spray Cran-Lemonade. That's my favorite. Only do one scoop servings, as opposed to the suggested two scoops, though. One scoop is 23 grams of protein, which is just right for a post-WLS patient. Any more and your body wouldn't be able to absorb it. Kind of a waste, considering how expensive protein supplements can be!!!

I have GOT to get my protein up, though. My post-surgery hair loss started a few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, and it's terrible. I know that the fact that I'm not getting enough protein doesn't help, either. I also need to start taking a zinc supplement. Did you know that it's protein, calcium, AND zinc that you need in order to keep your hair? I'm only 33, and I've heard that hair plugs don't work so well on women, so I need to do something! :)

Mmmmm.....thoop!

2009-09-03T16:35:00.001-05:00

We are a family that loves soup. I think I've only ever made one soup they didn't like, and that was a split pea. I wasn't too fond of it either, for that matter. In fall, when it starts cooling off, we usually have soup once or twice a week. It's cheap, it goes far, and it's so incredibly comforting.

So a few days ago I was watching my CrackTV (also known as Food Network) and Ina Garten made a lentil sausage soup. It looked divine!!! Of course I had to make it!

So now it's simmering away on the stovetop, and I can't wait until we get back from football practice so we can dig in.

Here's the recipe. Take note that it makes SIX FRIGGIN QUARTS, you might want to cut it in half. I just used the recipe as a guideline, did my own measurements. Enjoy!!!

Oh yeah, and one of these days I'll post the recipe for DADDY Soup. BEST SOUP EVER, and the way Brian makes it only comes out to 4 WW points for a huge bowl. GOOD STUFF, MAYNARD.

And just for the record, it came out ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. One of the best soups I've ever made. The only person that didn't like it was Brian...and...well...there's just something wrong with him.

WOW.

2009-09-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

I knew I wasn't getting much in the way of caloric intake, but I didn't realize just HOW low it was. I'm supposed to be aiming for about 800 calories a day, and 50-60 grams of protein. Notsomuch.

ObesityHelp.com has an awesome new nutrition tracker that I love love love, and just started using yesterday. I did a LOT better on my intake yesterday than I did today.

Yesterday:

2 huge cups of coffee
About half of a leftover baked potato with a little bit of butter, sour cream, & cheese
About 3 oz steak
Maybe 2 oz of the scrambled egg I made
A slice of ham in the egg

Which all worked out to about 768 calories, and a beautiful 59 g protein. Yay me, even though I don't think I did well on my water. Who does?

Today:

1 huge cup of coffee
Roadside Lemonade Nectar protein with a packet of cranberry-lemonade Ocean Spray stuff (also counts as a water, take THAT caffeine!)
Maybe 2 oz of roasted chicken breast
About 1 oz mashed taters with butter & fat free half & half

That's it. I'm stuffed. And that was a whoppin' 237 calories and 42 g protein. Gah. I'm going to have to have another lemonade before I go to bed. I have GOT to get my protein to 60 g a day, I want my hair back!!

Check out the nutrition tracker, it's an eye opener. I think I'm going to go back to my habit of posting my eats for the day, too. I need to be more accountable.

BTW, as of this morning, 70 POUNDS GONE!!!! 38 to go until I re-evaluate what my goal should be.

Do you go to a Support Group?

2009-09-01T08:07:00.000-05:00

I'm still looking for the actual percentage rate, but did you know that patients that consistently go to support group have a higher rate of loss and success than those that just have WLS and go on with their lives? And it makes sense, really... Going to a support group gives the patient a chance to talk with somebody who's had to deal with head hunger, protein issues, food getting stuck, and people that just don't get it. It gives the new post-op a chance to see folks that are a few years down the line and are still maintaining their loss, which can be such a HUGE encouragement. It gives the long-timers a chance to remember why they went through with the surgery, and maybe to hold themselves accountable. (You know how I am about accountability!!) And it gives the pre-ops a chance to talk about their fears and helps them understand what they're about to go through.

As you may have guessed, I'm going through the training with Obesity Help to become a support group leader. My surgeon's office does a meeting twice a month, every third Tuesday and first Saturday, and they haven't had a leader for the bypass group for a long time. At our last meeting the nurse that runs the support groups mentioned that they were looking for new leaders, so OF COURSE I said yes. I'm a big believer that education before, during, and after WLS is the biggest key to success. Not just for the patient, either, but for the entire support system. My husband nailed it on the head when he came to my first support group meeting, he realized that it wasn't just me that was having surgery, it was our whole family.

Yesterday was my first tele-training session, and it got me so excited about doing this. I'll have access to so much information about all varieties of WLS, a subscription to OH Magazine specifically for support group leaders, 10 issues of the standard OH Magazine that I can take to group and give away, a vendor sample program...and sooooo much more. The thing I'm most excited about, though, is all the educational information. I'm going to make a binder that I can keep with me, since I talk to so many people about WLS already. (Few things make me more angry than somebody that just assumes that WLS is a fatpass. Grrrr.)

My next tele-training session is today, and we'll be covering nutrition. YAY! I've not been as...um...vigilant about my nutrition as I should be lately, and I do feel it at times. I printed out a 37 page packet that we'll be going over, and it's CHOCK full of information, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Soooooooo.....today's plan.

9:00 head to the gym for weights, elliptical, and Zumba. I haven't worked out for two weeks, my ass NEEDS it.

Back home by noon. Do some housework & try to get caught up on laundry.

1:00 Tele-training

After that....blech...more laundry.

Don't forget to take your vitamins today!!! (I've been forgetting to take mine...)

Getting back on track...

2009-08-25T11:32:00.005-05:00

One of my many hobbies that I've always loved is photography. I've played with the idea of making it a career, and I'm getting closer to it. It's a big step and I'm rather nervous about it, but I figure...baby steps! So I've been working on getting my portfolio set up. This is what I have so far. BTW, that's a link!

Next week I'm doing maternity shots of my friend Mendy, and I'm so excited. This is her 5th baby, and she SAYS it's her last. ;) I've got some great ideas for shots and can't wait to see how they work out.

In our journey for self improvement we need to re-focus on what brings us joy. What is your joy?

I'm not such a fatty anymore!!!!

2009-08-21T09:13:00.002-05:00

At 5'8" tall and 194 lbs, I am now officially MODERATELY OVERWEIGHT. Yeah baby!!!! I can drop the obese label! I hate that word. When I started this whole thing I was morbidly obese, and I'm sure at one point I may have even been super-morbidly obese. BUT NO MORE AND NEVER AGAIN. I'm stupid giddy, I'm so excited!!! I'm down to a size 14-16, more of a 14. My goal is about a 10, although my PCM seems to think I can make it to an 8. She forgets that I've had giant babies, so I don't think an 8 is realistic. A hope, but not reality. Anyway, I don't care, I'll be happy with 10-12.

I also tried on my original wedding set this morning, since my set that I got a few years ago is too big. My original set fits, it just slid right on!! I don't have to fight to get them off, either. I haven't been able to wear them without them cutting painfully since before Matt was born 6 years ago.

I love seeing RESULTS from all this! What are YOUR favorite results lately?

OOOOWWWW!!!!

2009-08-19T07:24:00.004-05:00

I'm not one for just sliding into the water and taking things slow. I jump right in, cannonball style. Which is what I did on Monday.

I had forgotten that Zumba doesn't start until 12:30 on Mondays, so I got there at 10:15ish for the earlier class. Oops. It would have been stupid and a waste of gas for me to go home then come back, so I decided to just do a full workout. And by full, I mean FULL. I not only did weights, I ADDED abdominals and obliques. And it's been so long since I've done weights....Oh holy protein balls!!! Yeah, when it comes to shoulder presses, MEG IS A WUSS. It's two days later and the muscle sort of behind my armpit is STILL sore. After weights I jumped onto the elliptical and did a really hard two miles. I was keeping pace with the guy on the treadmill next to me, and he was running pretty hard. Finally, it was time for Zumba, so off to class I went. And within 10 minutes I had such a stitch in my side I had to fall out for about half a song. I felt so stupid, but IT'S NOT SMART TO PUSH THROUGH A STITCH. I learned that from my cross-country runner hubby. So I went in the back and drank some water until I felt better, then I was able to get in and "baile, baile!!!"

Now, it's all well & good to get the exercise in...but I didn't go back yesterday. I was so tired (we old folks really need to start going to bed earlier!) I really should have, because the repetition would have helped with the soreness. The plan is to go back in today, depending on what time I can get to the doc and to the chiropractor. (More on that in a moment.)

The thing about exercise that I think we all tend to try to forget is that we need the consistency. Doing a good, hard, two and a half hour workout once a week just doesn't cut it, no matter how intense the workout is. We need to exercise at LEAST three days a week, preferably four to five. I think it's something that we really let slip to the wayside in the business of life. And if we don't have somebody that we keep ourselves accountable to it's even easier to lose track of our focus. When we only work out once a week or less, we're not seeing the results that we want and end up so discouraged that we end up giving up.

Like I tell my kids...you won't see the results unless you put the hard work in! Post-workout pain can be rather discouraging as well, but with the consistency will come tolerance and less pain. And sexy, sexy results!

Who are you accountable to, besides yourself, when it comes to exercise? Do you have somebody that you keep posted about what you do? I post it on my Facebook, not for all the pats on the back that it gets me (but hey, those feel good too!), but because when I don't post about my exercise for a while there are people who will ask me if I HAVE been working out. They keep me on track, and challenge me to do better. If you don't have somebody to be accountable to, find an exercise buddy! Confide in somebody that you trust, and ask them to be your cheerleader. Make time for yourself to get the solid, consistent exercise that your body craves, and give yourself the opportunity to SEE results.

(Re: The doc...the rash is back. It's on my left side & lower back above my butt, and it hurts like hell. It's apparently just contact dermatitis, not the yeasty beasties after all, but it comes back every time I sweat. I CAN'T WIN. So I'm calling the doc again today and asking for another steroid shot. I have a feeling I might be on the juice for a while, the steroid cream isn't cutting it.)

IT's a POOP POST!

2009-08-14T09:22:00.002-05:00

No, really! Even though it looks like a coffee post, it's really a poop post. Because I love you!

Ever since I was on my liquid diet before surgery, I've had the poopy problems. Giant, rock hard logs that would impress any man, and only about once a week. Sometimes I even have to...um...help it out by pressing on the rectal wall from inside my lady station. Not a sexy moment, and definitely something that requires privacy!!

It's a given that most WLS patients are going to have to deal with constipation. Doctors will recommend that we drink more water and take Miralax. I did that. On the rare occasion that Miralax worked I ended up with peanut-butter-butt. EW. It still left me feeling like I had a gut full of ick stuck to my intestines. Probably because I did.

So I've recently started drinking coffee. I've never been a huge coffee drinker, because I was spoiled rotten by really good coffee from being raised in Western Washington. But I've been absolutely exhausted lately, so a big mug of coffee in the morning was in order.

Woo-hoo!!! I can poop now!!! I'm a big girl! I didn't even think about the fact that caffiene is a diuretic. It's really woken up my guts, and I've been able to go every morning for the last three days. I'm sure it's kind of pathetic to be so excited about being able to take a crap, but I don't care. When you finally have painless poopies, that's worth excitement.

So whichever oddball it was that noticed his goats eating the berries off that bush and getting so much more energy...I thank him. My house will be cleaner due to all the extra energy, and my gut will be happier, too.

(Disclaimer: Talk to your doc about starting caffiene after surgery. I'm being a naugty girl and drinking it even though I'm really not supposed to. Also, if you do imbibe, make sure to drink twice as much water as coffe ON TOP OF what you'd normally drink. That whole diuretic thing can be rather dehydrating, not such a great thing if you end up in the hospital from it.)

Got my new military dependent ID yesterday.

2009-08-12T16:41:00.002-05:00

I had had the old once since 2005 or so, and I waited as long as I could to get the new one so I could have SKINNY FACE on it. YAY SKINNY FACE!!!

When we got back here to Oklahoma 3 years ago (huh, almost 3 years exactly) I was probably close to 300 pounds. I don't know for sure, but knowing what I looked like at certain weights...it was probably around 300. It was definitely the biggest I've ever been. I had to get my Oklahoma drivers license looking like that! Can you say ROUND FACE? I hate looking at that picture, because my face literally takes up the entire frame. Gigantor.

So now I have my new military ID, and I can compare the two pictures. Holy crapoly! Such a difference! Yes, I fibbed a bit on my weight still...I said I was 180. I figure I'll be down to 180 by mid-November at the latest (I hope) so it's not hugely far fetched. I was only lying by 16 lbs. But the difference in my face is amazing. Just...wow. I'm hoping I can borrow a scanner so I can post the two pictures. I've actually been showing a few people the two ID's, so they can see the difference. LOL

At least it's not contagious!

2009-08-10T17:45:00.002-05:00

I have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad rash. S'riously. It's on my back in those two spots where my backfat is still trying to crease, but doesn't quite make it. It's also on my back just above my butt crack. Then it's on my front, on my abdomen, just below and between my boobs. AND it's on the outer half of each of my boobs!

It started about three weeks ago, I think, but I'm not sure. I didn't really pay attention, I just had a few red bumps in each of those areas and I figured it was because Bethany probably ran a load of laundry with my gym clothes in it and used a full cup of fabric softener. (Because it's normal to wash laundry with just fabric softener and nothing else, right? That's what mom taught, isn't it?) I figured it was a combination of the excess softener and sweat. But it kept getting worse & worse, and then worser (yep, it's a word, I said so) still.

Finally, I guess about a week and a half ago, I caved and went to see my primary care provider. I had been using hyrdocortizone, regular cortizone, Ultra-Medicated Gold Bond lotion, baby powder...nothing was taking care of it. She gave me an anti-fungal cream and a steroid cream. It started to clear up the first few days, and the painful burn eased up, but it ended up coming back with a vengance. Used up all the goop she gave me, so I even used Monistat cream on it over the weekend. Not even that helped.

So I called this morning and said that I MUST see her again, and thankfully I was able to get in. I got a steroid shot in the butt, she gave me a stronger anti-fungal cream, and two more tubes of steroid cream. We also took pics to send out for a "teledermatology consult." That will take 3-5 days. Either way...I'm pretty sure it's yeasty beasties, so if it's not starting to clear up bigtime by Friday morning, I'm calling and begging for Diflucan. I meant to today, but got sidetracked because I had the kids with me.

The whole issue is getting really frustrating, because the rash gets significantly worse when I work out. It's in all the areas that my shirt touches my skin when it's soaked with sweat. I desperately need to get an UnderArmour type shirt & shorts to wear for workouts, but I just can't afford it right now. It's back to school season, & we've got a vacation coming up that I need to take money out for, AND I desperately need to take my dog to the vet. (I think she may have cancer, and it's scaring the shit out of me. I don't want my doggie to die but we can't afford a surgery, much less treatments.) GAH...all of this piling up and a rash just makes everything seem so much bigger. Besides, I can't go really bra shopping, like at Sessy Time Victoria's Secret, until it's completely healed. So I'm stuck in a crappy "Barely There" bra that rubs RIGHT WHERE THE FUCKING RASH IS.

Gah...just call me Alexander.

Sex after WLS

2009-08-07T09:50:00.003-05:00

Yes, I really will talk about anything.

So last week Brian and I were getting our bow-chicka-wow-wow on. We both noticed around the same moment that because he wasn't having to lean over the giant gut he was actually fitting in a bit deeper. WOOOOOOW. And mmmmmmmmm..... Movement is so much easier now, too. I'm able to move in ways that I haven't since before I had kids. (The elliptical strenghtening my thighs has a lot to do with that. LOL) Now sometimes this makes sex end a lot faster than expected, because...um...well...surprise orgasm anybody?

After we were done that night, Brian kind of surprised me when he said, "I had to check and make sure it was still you! It feels almost like I'm making love to a different woman, and it freaks me out." I think if the weight loss hadn't been so fast & drastic it wouldn't be such a big deal, but every time we have sex SOMETHING is different. What a way to spice up the sex life, huh?

The only thing that somewhat bothers me is how much more often he wants me now. Before, he said he loved me no matter what and always wanted me, and the sex was good for both of us. But now...it's almost like I'm back with that 19 year old that I first fell in love with. It makes me realize just how much our physical bodies do matter in every single aspect of our lives. It's yet another reason that I'm so thankful that I've had WLS, and that I'm getting healthier and back to the body I used to have...

Pray for me....

2009-08-01T13:18:00.001-05:00

Brian is on day 1 of quitting smoking. Again. It was bad enough the first time around. Keep me in your prayers over the next 4 weeks...

Two things...

2009-08-01T00:55:00.000-05:00

In Zumba tonight, one of the girls that just got certified as an instructor did one of the songs. She was a big girl!! It was so great to have a big girl take the initiative and get certified like that. I just thought it was so cool. :)

And last night, Matt (my 6 year old) gave me a big "squishy" hug before going to bed. With his arms still around my waist he looked up at me with amazement and told me, "Mommy, you're almost SKINNY!!!"

Le Sigh! I love that kid!!!

Dr. G can stick it.

2009-07-31T10:12:00.002-05:00

When I had my 8 week appointment last week he told me that the next 10 lbs that I lost would probably take about four weeks. My weight that day was 211. I had a biiiiiiiiiiiig problem with this, because I had set a goal to be below 200 lbs by August 1st. He had already told me that at 8 weeks out I was actually at the loss he'd expect for a 12 weeker, so that was great. But f'real, don't tell me that I'm suddenly going to STOP FREAKIN' LOSING.

So yeah...I've been working out pretty much every day this week. And because I commit the ultimate WLS sin every day and WEIGH MYSELF EVERY DAY....I was at 198.8 yesterday morning. Today I'm at 197.

Dr. G...you can bite me.

(I updated my weight on OH, so the ticker should have updated, but for some reason it's not.)

Sorry I haven't been around much. The kids have been keeping me busy, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on with Bethany's Jr. High. I still haven't heard anything about when the back to school night is, and she's getting really anxious. No supply lists posted...nuttin'. They're supposed to start in just over two weeks!!!

I'm also kind of worried about my dog. She's had this lump on her abdomen for years, and a vet told us it was a hernia. But she's lost a lot of weight recently, and I just realized a few days ago that the lump is getting bigger. It used to be the size of my thumb from the top knuckle to the tip, now it's the size of a large egg. The wierd thing is that she's acting healthier and happier than she has in forever. She's constantly on her back, wiggling around on the floor, lots of happy growling. She's nuts! LOL We've had her since the night before Matt was born, and she treats Matt like he's her puppy. She sleeps in his room every night. We'll all be devastated if there's something wrong.

We're also getting ready to head up to Branson at the end of August to meet Brian's parents for the weekend. They're bringing down dad's big ol' boat, and renting a 3 bedroom condo. I just need to get myself a new bathing suit (I think the four I've got would all fall off of me now!) and save up some gas money to get up there and back. Not the best timing for it, since we need to buy school supplies and at least a few things for school clothes.

OK...time to pay bills...ick.

New pics...

2009-07-26T15:15:00.003-05:00

The striped shirt ones are early last week or maybe the week before...I wish I had downloaded them when we took them. I believe I was about 45 pounds down at the time. The dress was last night, we got dolled up and went to a wedding, only to end up the best dressed people at the ER. (Long gross story for another post.) I was feelin' really good about myself last night. 52 pounds down.

Miss you, dude.

2009-07-25T12:56:00.002-05:00

Today is the 11th anniversary of my brother's death. He was 18 years old.

I still get so angry at him for dying so young. We found out the day that he died that his ex was pregnant with his kid. He never told us. My nephew will never know his dad, my kids will never know their uncle. His death essentially destroyed the remainder of my family.

I never got to know him as an adult. We didn't get along as kids...at all. The last time I saw him I had just turned 22, he was 17, and it was Christmas. Brian, Bethany and I flew home to be with my family for the holiday. That was the last time my family has ever been all together on a holiday. Getting to know him over those few days...he's somebody I would have wanted to know.

Some years his anniversary just passes by unnoticed. I remember it, but it doesn't bother me as much. This year it's like a slap in the face. I've been dreading today for over a week now. I think it's because back in February my mom told me some details about the crash that I had never known. It's fresh all over again. I woke up this morning from a dream about him. He's been on my mind all day. I can't put into the right words for my kids why I'm in such a mood today, even though I'm trying to be in a decent mood. I'm impatient with my husband, and I'm sorry for it. Everything is just raw today, no matter how hard I try to mask it.

Hell...I even ate 1/4 of a doughnut.

Anyway...I miss you, bro.

Anthony Scott Wick January 17, 1980 - July 25, 1998

Officially from the doc:

2009-07-22T14:42:00.000-05:00

48 lbs down, 51% of excess body weight GONE.

Yeah baby!!!

Feelin' GOOD!! (And random rambling because it's been so long since I've posted...)

2009-07-19T11:19:00.003-05:00

Brian and I went out on a date last night, and the entire night was faaaabulous.

I couldn't find the jeans I usually wear when I ride on the back of the bike, so I grabbed another pair of Levi's (I'm finally BACK IN LEVI'S!!!) out of my closet. Held them up and thought there was no way in hell they were going to fit. They looked so like 12's or smaller that I had to check the label. Huh. They say 16. Got them on and they fit beautifully. And they barely muffin topped. Woo-hoo! I put on a pink & black camisole that I haven't been able to wear since I bought it 5 years ago...and it fit beautifully, too. More woo-hoo!!! I looked in the mirror and actually LIKED what I saw. And when I put on my ho-boots...well, that just completed it. RAWR, if I do say so myself. (Ho-boots: Black suede knee high boots, stiletto heels. Brian lurves 'em.) I wore a gray ballet wrap just so I wouldn't be completely sleveless on the bike, since I won't let Brian buy me a jacket until I'm below 200.

Got to the theater and realized that when I had my heel hooked on the peg it rested on the pipe, so my stiletto heel melted a bit. Meh, nothing a black magic marker won't fix. LOL

After the movie we went & had coffee...first caffiene I'd had since before surgery. PINGY!!!! I wasn't ready to go home yet, so we decided to ride down to Norman and see if there were any bars that had live bands playing. Got down there, and while we were at a light on Campus Corner a car with two young guys in it stopped next to us. The driver looked me up & down, gave a little wave, and turned to say something to his friend. Friend looked out the window, and did the same thing, with a very obvious wave. Brian was completely obvlivious. LOL Now, they were probably mocking the old chubby chick on the bike, but I was feeling really good about myself last night, so I'm going to choose to beleive that they were flirting. I GOT FLIRTED AT BY COLLEGE KIDS. Holy crap!!! That hasn't happened since I was college age, 13 years ago.

Finally got home, got the kids in bed, and had a great time...um...completing the evening. Yeah...that!

So I'm down 45 pounds now, and am at 213-ish. My goal is to be down to 199 by August 1st, and since I'm dropping about a pound a day as long as I'm working out it should be attainable. My big problems are still hydration and protein. My fingertips were actually pretty wrinkled on Friday, which is bad news. Technically I probably should have gone to get a few bags of fluid, but I didn't want to end up getting checked in to the hospital. I've finally figured out that orange juice with a scoop of vanilla protein powder, a little bit of SF vanilla syrup, and crushed ice all blended up is a damn good creamcicle/orange julius. Yay, protein supplement that I can actually KEEP DOWN.

Did I mention that I've resorted to protein bullets to try to get down enough protein? Even that makes me want to puke. 27 grams of protein in less than 3 ounces makes for syrupy sweet yuck. And that's the GOOD flavor, fruit punch. The first time I took a bullet, though, I didn't realize that it had the "tingle" stuff in it. HOLY CRAPOLY, I thought I was having an allergic reaction. It was awful, my entire body, even my tongue and eyeballs, itched. Now I just save them for right before a workout, that way I don't feel the itch.

So...after discovering last night that badass ho-boots do not equate to badass motorcycle boots...I need new motorcycle boots. I hate hate HATE wearing my sneakers on the bike. So I'm either going to get these FIRE BOOTS or these KICKASS BOOTS. I love the fire boots, but I could wear the kickass boots with more stuff. Hell, I love both pairs. Maybe I'll get the kickass ones to start with and get the fire ones later on. Or maybe I'll get the fire ones first since it's still hotter than Hades out....but the kickass ones only have two pair left in stock. HELP ME DECIDE!!!!

And I feel kinda bad...I sort of but not really but kinda did...griped my sister out on FB. Since I've finally gotten on Brian's bike, and yes, I do bring it on myself for posting about it...people have been calling me biker mama, biker chick, biker babe...all that crap. And a LOT of people are doing it. I don't want that to be my identity, it's not who I am. I'm Brian's wife, mom of his three hysterically funny and obnoxious kids, sarcastic as all get out with all my friends, working my ass off to get healthy & thin again...I want THAT to be my identity. I guess it doesn't help that my stereotype of "biker chick" is trashy. Anyway, it irritates the hell out of me, and part of that may be irrational, but it still irritates me. So I said something about it when my sister called me a biker, again. On FB, of all places. So...Ker, if you're reading this, my irritation wasn't directed at you and I'm sorry if it came across that way. It's just frustrating in general. Forgive me? Please?

OK, I have a shit-ton more to say, but I've already made this a hugely long post, so I'll save it. Except for this: I HAS COLLARBONES AGAIN!!!! Yay me!

Drained.

2009-07-14T11:10:00.002-05:00

I had big plans for death by Zumba today, but it's just not happening.

We went to the Y yesterday and I tried doing the elliptical, but only lasted about 10 minutes. Don't know if it's because I didn't have my music (Zunepass needed to re-sync), or if I really was that wiped out. So I moved on to do weights. I had to drop the weight on almost every single machine. SUCKS. I feel...weak I guess.

I've also discovered that I'm extremely carb sensitive. I ate half a slice of pizza the other night *drool!* and within minutes of finishing it I had to go lay down for an hour. Completely crashed. So last night I made fish poached in white wine and sauteed zucchini. Apparently zucchini has a ton of carbs in it too. (Smell the sarcasm?) 7.3 grams per 1/2 cup serving, that's it. But I still crashed. Gah.

So last night I tried running again, week 1 of the Couch to 5K program. Maybe it was because two other folks were with me throwing off my pace, but I don't think so. I'm just feeling WEAK, and not in a loser sort of way.

Who knows, maybe I just need to bump up my vitamins or something. For once I know I'm getting protien because I'm eating Greek yogurt like it's going out of style, and doing a 23 gram protein bullet (PUKE!) every day. It's getting harder to get my water in, but I'm getting my minimum in by the end of the day. It just takes for-freakin'-ever.

My 8 week followup is next week...so we'll see what G says.

Yummy creamy goodness for dinner tonight.

2009-07-10T17:42:00.002-05:00

It looks nasty, but it tastes soooooo good. This is my first time eating corn since I had surgery, so we'll see how I do.

Creamy Pico Chicken

5 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 jar pico de gallo
1 can black beans, drained & rinsed
1 c (or more if you like) frozen sweet corn
1 block fat free cream cheese
Shredded Mexican cheese to top

Throw everything EXCEPT the cheeses into the crotch pot, turn it to high for at least four hours. You can serve the boobies whole, but I think it works out better shredded. So shred up the chicken, then add the cream cheese for the last half hour of cooking.

The rest of the family gets it served up with rice, I just put a scoop in my little bowl and go to town. NOM!!!

In other news....after working on me since he's HAD the bike, Brian finally got me to go on rides with him. And I hate to admit it, but I like it. I've gone on three rides with him so far, and I'm hoping he'll take me again tonight. He even bought me a halfie helmet with awesome red flames on it on Wednesday. Now he's trying to convince me to get a bike of my own. I already have one! It's a HYPOTHECIAL bike. My HYPOTHETICAL bike is a 2008 Vulcan 900 in red & gold, with all the awesome goodies to go with it.

Gah, Brian calls...

This isn't what I had in mind...

2009-07-10T11:11:00.001-05:00

I'm all for looking younger, but f'real? Seriously? I'm drinking more water now than I have ever before in my life, but I'm breaking out like a 15 year old horomonal BOY. It's disgusting. Good grief I hope this passes fast...

Deep thoughts about Amy's deep thoughts...

2009-07-09T12:58:00.002-05:00

OK, so Amy was talking about keeping in mind what your band is doing FOR you, instead of focusing on what it's not doing for you. I think it needs to go a step further, though.

We always hear that WLS is a a rearranging of our guts, it's not a surgery on our brain. We hear that WLS is just a tool. It's true. My thumb size stomach isn't going to make the decision for me whether or not I'm going to eat biscuits & gravy for dinner. It will limit how much I eat, but the decison to shovel it down the gullet is mine and mine alone. (BTW, it was good and worth it, but only as a rare treat once or twice a year. I can't beleive I didn't get sick.) The fact that I've had gastric bypass isn't going to make me get off my butt and go to the YMCA for death by Zumba. I have to make that decision and follow through with it on my own.

My weight loss has stalled again, and it's frustrating, but it's not because my bypass isn't working. It IS. I'm extremely limited in how much and what I eat. The stall has come from the fact that I haven't been exercising. (Stupid torn abdomen!) Now that I'm picking up on exercise again I'll start losing again. My goal is to be below 200 by the end of July, and I think that's pretty realistic, AS LONG AS I KEEP WORKING.

So...I guess to continue Amy's thought...don't just think of what your WLS is doing for you...What are YOU doing for you?

(And Amy, to hyperlink, copy the link from where you want it to lead. In the blogger textbox type out what you want hyperlinked, highlight it, and then click on the little chain thing in the top of the text box, next to the text colors. Paste in the link you want and click OK. Easy Peasy!)

Puke! Hurl! Spew!

2009-07-09T12:47:00.001-05:00

So I went for water aerobics this morning, but there was no class so I just did some warmup type stretching and a few laps. Then I went and did 30 minutes, 2.25 miles of death by elliptical. Now that I'm coming down off the endorphin high all I want to do is...well...yeah...

PIctures, finally.

2009-07-02T17:08:00.004-05:00

I meant to take these last Tuesday, which was 4 weeks, but I never got around to it. So these are my 5 week pics instead.

Here's before. Start weight was 258.

And after. As of today I'm down 39 pounds, to 219. By my scale, that is. I'm sure my doc's scale would add about 5 lbs, grrr...

Now that I'm studying the pics I'm seeing it a bit more than I was at first. I was annoyed with myself that "I'm still huge!" when I first saw them. I'm starting to see now that my arms are smaller, as is the gigantus gut. And check out the awesome grease spots on the front of my shirt. I had no clue those were there. The joys of photography!

I've also made a decision. I AM going to go ahead and have plastics done, when the time comes. Not just to get rid of the meat apron, but to get the knockers fixed as well. Two years and one day before I had my RNY done I had a breast reduction. The surgeon was terrible, and while I don't regret the surgery itself, I don't like my boobs. The scarring was awful and I have corners. Some friends of mine call me Spongebob Square Boobs. Awesome, right? If you're brave and want to see pics, I do have a blog...Boobs, the Other White Meat. I desperately need to update it. Maybe later next week or so... Anyway, I'm hoping that when it comes time for plastics I can get the meat apron and the Spongebobs dealt with all at once. I don't want to have to have two more surgeries. One big one I can handle, but contrary to popular belief, I DON'T enjoy going under the knife. Either way, I'll be making sure to have it done with the plastic surgeon that works with RNY patients at my hospital, I WILL NOT go back to the first guy.

OK, gotta go make the dinner. Mustard chicken salad...mmmmm. I might be able to eat a few bites!!

I love me some bottom feeders.

2009-06-29T20:03:00.003-05:00

I made myself a mess of shrimp for dinner, cooked in a teeny bit of olive oil, a ton of garlic (c'mere, gimme a kiss!), a smidge of butter because it's just NEEDED, and some wine. I ate a whole THREE of them. And every single one was NOM. The leftovers will be NOM tomorrow.

Sadly, there's only about 1 g protein in one medium shrimp. What a ripoff!

Can't really is a word, and I'm OK with that. Just don't tell my kids.

2009-06-28T08:05:00.003-05:00

I'm having a really difficult time getting both enough hydration AND enough protein. I just can't do it, when I try on both it makes me want to puke. I'm fairly sure it's because it's so freakin' hot out, I've never been an eater when it's hot. So right now, I'm choosing hydration. I'm doing my best to eat about 10 g protein and drink one protein source a day, which would put me at about half of what I need. Even that, though, makes me want to puke.

I also can't eat or drink for at least an hour and a half after I get up. It's like my pouch is too tight, or something. I take my Synthroid as soon as I get up and even that sip of water to wash it down wants to come back up. I took it about 30 minutes ago and I can still feel it. It's wierd.

I can't eat scrambled eggs to save my life, either. I've tried several times, and each time I end up with that awful diverticulitis-type pain in my left side. I'm making sure to chew chew chew like we're constantly told to do, but it doesn't help. No matter how soft they are, scrambled eggs are just a no-go. I'm going to have to try poached eggs and see how that goes.

I also learned last week the folly of pushing too hard on getting started on exercise again. Monday, I did 12 minutes on the elliptical. Yay me! Used to be that even 5 minutes was too much. Tuesday, I thought I got my ass kicked in Zumba. It was fun, but I don't think I've EVER sweated that much! I lost 2 pounds that day!!! Wednesday, I did my first run for the Couch to 5K program, and I managed to run EVERY SINGLE INTERVAL. Yay me again! Buuuuuuut...I had started out with pain in my left side to begin with, and running definitely didn't help. Thursday I was still hurting on my left side, but I went to Zumba again anyway. This time, Zumba really did kick my ass. When I got home I crashed (didn't sleep well the night before anyway, ended up sleeping on the sofa), I couldn't even make myself take a shower. When I woke up I went to roll over and it was like something exploded in my gut. Graceful Meg that I am...I managed to tear ANOTHER FREAKIN' MUSCLE IN MY ABDOMEN. This time it was higher than the first, and a muscle that gets used more often. Good doG this sucks!!!

So this week I think I'm going to skip Zumba and do water aerobics. I'm hoping that I can stand running again, because I really want to do this Couch to 5K thing. My plan is:

Monday: elliptical in the morning, at least 20 minutes, and fast walking in the evening.
Tuesday: water aerobics, C25K in the evening
Wednesday: weights, fast walking in the evening
Thursday: water aerobics, C25K in the evening
Friday: elliptical, fast walking in the evening
Saturday: lazy day, C25K in the evening
Sunday: lazy day, fast walking in the evening

Huh. I should print that out and post it somewhere where I'll actually see it and FOLLOW it.

I didn't fall over dead, there may be hope after all!!!

2009-06-23T12:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got back on the exercise groove, and did a whole 12 minutes on the elliptical machine at the Y. Today I went to Zumba. I'm still ALIVE!! It was pretty fun, even thought it's been over half an hour since I got out and I'm still sweating like a may-un. Time for a cold shower.

I do need to get new shoes though, which sucks, because the ones I've got are new. But my little toe on my right foot keeps squishing under, I think the toe box is too tight or something. Sam's has some men's Reeboks on sale for $25, maybe those will work. I'm sick of constantly having to get new shoes because I have funkified feet.

QUIT GROWIN'!!!!

2009-06-22T10:17:00.003-05:00

My baby is SIX today! I took this pic back in December. I need to take some more.

I can't believe my baby is six. What happened to the giant baby in NICU?

SOMETHING is happening!!!

2009-06-21T15:36:00.001-05:00

I went shopping with one of my girlfriends yesterday. She got me into a Ross and I DIDN'T have an anxiety attack, which was amazing in and of itself. She also convinced me to try on a pair of size 16 shorts. I didn't think they'd fit, after all, I was wearing a size 20 at the time. I tried them anyway.

THEY FIT!!!

I also ended up getting a pair of size 16 Addidas shorts for running, and size 16 yoda pants. YAY!

One of the wonderful ladies on a message board that I post at had sent me a big box of jeans, almost all size 16, and almost all Levi's. I lived in Levi's when I was a kid. I held up a pair last night and was doubtful. They just looked SMALL. Meh. I tried them on anyway.

THEY FIT TOO!!! OK, so I had the massive muffin top going on, but the shirt I was wearing hid it, so as long as I'm wearing the right shirt it should be OK. But I DIDN'T have to lay down to zip them up, so to me, that counts as fitting.

So even though I've stalled at 28 lbs loss, apparently I'm still dropping in size.

Oooh, I bought some 16 capri's back in February when I was visiting my mom...I wonder if they'll fit now....I'm gonna go try them on! Hehehe...back to shopping in my closet! Maybe I should actually CLEAN it.

I ate FOOD last night!!!

2009-06-20T12:37:00.003-05:00

We went to the Bricktown Brewery to meet up with the OH Oklahoma group for dinner. I ordered the California Club sandwich, NO BREAD (got a funny look from the waitress for that) and had a little bit of French Onion soup with it. NOM. OK, so the turkey was just plain old salty lunchmeat, but it was FOOD. SOLID FOOD. I only had a few spoonfuls of the soup, then passed it on to Beth, but I ate almost an entire wedge of avocado, and about 1/4 of the turkey & cheese. I also took all the lean off the bacon and ate that. NOM. It was SO FREAKIN' GOOD.

Best part? It didn't hurt at all. I can't eat scrambled eggs for some reason, they end up hurting my colon where the diverticulits hurt, but the turkey went down beautifully.

I never thought I'd be so excited over eating lunchmeat. LOL

Fruity goodness!

2009-06-18T16:33:00.002-05:00

So I came up with a dessert that is sooooooooooooooo good, it's right up there with Chick-Fil-A Diet Lemonade. Yeah, it's THAT GOOD.

1/4 c fat free ricotta cheese (see, ricotta already makes it good!)
1/4 tsp fresh lemon zest
1/4 packet Splenda or Truvia
2 tsp sugar free blackberry or apricot jelly

Mix up the cheese, zest, & sweetener, top it off with the jelly, and just lightly swirl it in.

Seriously. It gets four NOMs.

Chick-Fil-A, I lurve you.

2009-06-17T15:55:00.003-05:00

A large diet lemonade just makes the world a bit sunshinier. Yeah, that's a word. I said so. And the Chick-Fil-A lemonade is so much better than diet Countrytime or diet Minutemaid or Diet Sonic Crap.

And on the site where I lifted the image of the beautiful lemonade, there was a great recipe for BASIL lemonade. Make a simple syrup (or Splenda syrup!) and throw in some basil leaves as it simmers. NOM! I might have to do this tonight, I've got some beautiful Thai basil out back.

Stalled Already.

2009-06-16T13:09:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been around much. The kids are home and I've been busy bossing them around. That's how they see it anyway.

I've also been just a bit too bummed to get online. I've stalled at 28 lbs lost. Already. I know it's because of the tear in my abdomen, since I can't exercise, but it's so frustrating. I'm only getting MAYBE 500 calories a day. If I were able to move and DO stuff I'd be able to kick my metabolism into gear. Instead my body is doing what it's always done when I diet. It notices that I'm not getting sufficient calories and it shuts down. Instead of feeding on the fat like it should it just hibernates & stores what it's got.

The tear isn't showing any sign of healing, either. I have to hold my stomach just right when I use my abdomen for anything, or it feels like it's tearing again. I've thought about going to my primary care doc about it, but there's really nothing she can do either. I have to take Lortab at night to be able to sleep, and still wake up in pain in the mornings.

This is really the first time I've questioned what it is that I've done to my body, and why. The thing is, this stall isn't coming from the WLS, it's because of something that just happened, completely unrelated. It sucks.

Sorry, just cranky and feeling sorry for myself. And while normally I'd bake up something yummy and drown my sorrows in it...yeah, can't do that. I have to find a new way to deal.

Good news...I'm on the tightest hook setting on my bra, and a C cup finally fits perfectly. The D cups are way too big, AND Lame Giant is having a Cacique sale. Yee-haw doggie!

Judy Blume must have been a fat kid.

2009-06-09T20:18:00.004-05:00

Years & years & years & years & years & YEARS ago (hey, I'm oldish) I read just about every Judy Blume book ever written for kids. One that always stuck with me, though, was Blubber.

It was about a little girl that was overweight and always made fun of. (Sound familiar?) I think her mom piled on the food for comfort, and the rest of the family just didn't understand because they were all thin. Or something along those lines.

The line that really got me, and has always resonated with me, was "I can see my feet!"

The little girl had finally started losing weight, and the moment that it sunk in for her was when she looked down and was able to see her feet for the first time in a long time.

Today, I looked down, and I had a moment like that. Only for me it was, "My gunt isn't sticking out past my boobs anymore!" Now, I have big knockers to begin with. Even after a breast reduction I'm still a really full C cup, or a D depending on the bra. I've also always carried a big portion of my weight in my belly. So today I put on a dress that MIL bought for me while she was here. The first time I wore it was a few days after surgery and I was still pretty swollen and had difficulty pulling my gut in. I looked pregnant in it. NOT TODAY. I looked down and DIDN'T SEE MY GUT. I think today is the first time I've really seen that physical change in myself. Brian says that he sees it in my face and the fact that I'm becoming more hourglass shaped, but I don't see that. Yes, I see that my clothes fit better, but I don't see the actual body changes. Until today. I DIDN'T SEE MY GUT. *HAPPY DANCE!!!*

In other news, I suddenly can't tolerate the milky protein supps anymore. I gag when I try to get them down. So now I'm drinking Isopure clear drinks mixed with Crystal Light or Peach Herbal tea all day. Goes down much better, even though it leaves a funny feeling in my mouth.

I also had my first FOOD today. Technically I'm supposed to wait until after my follow up appointment with Dr. G, but I needed that extra fuel today. So I had a scrambled egg for breakfast that took me almost an hour to eat, and was full ALL DAY LONG on it. For dinner I had a little more than a quarter cup of runny refried beans (fat free) with some lowfat cheese melted in. That was soooooo good. If G gives me the OK I'm all over some steamed fish tomorrow night. NOM.

That's what I get for opening my big mouth.

2009-06-06T12:03:00.002-05:00

So earlier in the week I was commenting to my MIL that "wow, I'm really surprised at how well this is all going, I'm not having any problems at all!" I was able to get 4 oz of protein down at a time, and was drinking about 16 oz a day in my first week. 60 oz of water a day, minimum, and it's actually easier for me to drink iced.

Of course, the next day, my words bit me in the butt. I was having increasing pain in my left side all day long, and I thought it was just the incision. We took the kids to the Science Center in the afternoon and had a great time, but I needed to take more Tylenol even though I had just taken some a few hours earlier. When we got home I went to sit down and it was like something twisted in my left side, and it was agony. Nearly sent me into tears. By that time I had been off the Lortab for three days, but it was enough to make me take the Lortab again, and it still didn't touch the pain.

The next day I woke up mostly better, but within 20 minutes the pain was back with a vengeance. I called Dr. G's office and spoke with his nurse. She said that I had likely pulled the stitch in my left side, but to come in just in case. Unfortunately they weren't seeing patients on Thursday, so I had to go in first thing yesterday morning. I spent all day Thursday just sitting on the back porch reading, the only time I wasn't in pain was if I was completely still.

Went in yesterday and Doc G felt around the incision site, and it didn't hurt a bit. When he moved down a few inches lower it hurt like hell. So it definitely wasn't the stitch. He said because of the location and the fact that it's where they pulled the colon out to work on it, it could be diverticulitis or just an inflamed colon. Either way, he sent me for a CT to take a better look.

The CT tech that got me started was a flaming idiot. He brought out a 32 oz container of contrast liquid for me to drink and handed me a straw. I handed the straw back and told him I couldn't use it and he stood there and argued with me. I'm not sure what part of "I just had gastric bypass surgery, I'm not allowed to use straws because they allow too much to be swallowed at once and put air into my brand new thumb sized stomach pouch" he didn't understand, but he seriously expected me to drink the full 32 oz. I told him I'd do my best, but I was only able to get down 16. Not bad, considering I had to forgo the straw and it tasted awful.

Finally got the CT done, then went home to wait for results. One of the nurses called in the afternoon and said that the CT still wasn't clear if it was diverticulitis or just inflammation, but Doc wanted to treat it as diverticulitis, so he was going to put me on antibiotics. She called in a scrip for me and I picked it up last night. Hardcore! He's got me on Cipro 2x's a day for 7 days.

Anyway, I finally earned a sticker last night and was able to have a bowel movement (it always comes back to the poop, doesn't it?) and holy cow, the relief was almost instantaneous. My side still ached, but it was nothing like before. This morning, I'm pretty much all better. I'll still take the Cipro because it looks like it was diverticulitis after all, with a good side of constipation, but I haven't had to take ANYTHING for pain today. Not even a Tylenol, yay!

After all this, though, it's come to the point that I can't stand my protein drinks. I can get them down OK, but I gag and choke the whole time. I think it's just the fact that I'm so sick of them, I'm sick of all the sweet. THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL EGGS, COTTAGE CHEESE, AND REFRIED BEANS. Thankfully I'm still good on my water. I drink either Crystal Light or water all day, and there's no ick factor.

All in all, I'm down 22 lbs from my start weight.

I'm baaaaaa-aaaaaaack!!!

2009-06-03T12:39:00.002-05:00

I wasn't feeling up to being back online for the first few days, and when I finally was ready to get online I managed to fry my keyboard within the first five minutes. I could surf via mouse, but that was it. Now that I have a new wireless & spill-proof keyboard and mouse (ergo friendly, too!) all is right with my world.

Surgery went great, and for the first time out of all of my surgeries I woke up with NO problems. WOW. I was really worried about waking up, probably more than anything else, because I get violently ill (think Exorcist) and have the worst cold shivers for a few hours. It sucks big hairy donkey balls. I told all of this to my anesthesiologist, and he promised me he wouldn't let that happen to me this time. When I woke up my only problem was that I was desperately thirsty and dead tired. I don't remember the recovery room or being brought into my room.

The first day I pretty much spent hitting the morphine button and dozing. Brian stayed overnight with me, which was wonderful. It was really comforting to wake up in the middle of the night and know that he was there, he's never been able to stay with me before. I did have a baaaaaaad air bubble in the middle of the night, I thought I was dying. It was right under the left incision, the only incision with a stitch, so I thought something was going wrong with it. Excruciating pain, probably the worst I've had in all of this. The nurse came in and gave me something extra for the pain, then got me up and walking. WALKING IS GOOD.

The foley cath was pulled at 6 AM the next day, and such a relief. It felt like it kept backing up on me, so even though I had a cath I constantly had to pee. Brian spent a lot of time trying to get the cath to drain down to the bag. (What a great guy!) I was able to eat half a popcicle, a few sips of soup, and jello throughout all my meals, and was up & walking a LOT, so when Dr. G came to visit me around lunch time he said I might be able to get out that day. YES PLEASE!!! I ended up getting released at 7 PM, the day after surgery. It pays to be a good girl, right?

I was still groggy from the anesthesia for the first few days at home, but now all is good. My energy level is almost to where it used to be, though I do get worn out easily when I push myself too hard. Today is day 3 off the Lortab, thank goodness, that crap was nasty. Now I'm just taking 1000 mg Tylenol twice a day.

Nutrition wise, I brainfarted and wasn't drinking enough protein supplement, even though the supplement itself was enough protein. The release sheet says to drink 16-24 oz of supplement a day, I was getting 8-10. So I've switched supplements for a while. I HATE PROTEIN SUPPLEMENTS!!! They didn't bother me before surgery, but I'm so sick of the sweet cack!! Thankfully it's just a "I'm sick of this crap" issue, rather than not being able to get it down. I do have a REALLY hard time with the vitamins & calcium citrate, so I'm going to have to look for something else. There goes $100 down the drain! Maybe I'll be able to handle them later.

I haven't had any significant problems, which honestly, kind of worries me. I can drink an 11 oz supplement in half an hour, I have no problem getting my minimum of 60 oz water a day, and can usually get in closer to 80. I can eat an entire 1/2 cup of sugar free jello with no problems, and probably more quickly than I should. I'm sooooooooo ready to start on mushies, I want REAL food.

Well, that's a start for now....don't want to overwhelm you!! I'm going to have to write down a list of what all to blog about, so much has been happening, and I keep thinking, "OOh, I need to put that on my blog!"

OH, btw, I'm down 19 pounds from my start weight!!! Official start weight was 258, this morning I was a beautiful 239 and gettin' slimmer by the minute!!!

Fixin' to pack my bag.

2009-05-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I live in Oklahoma, we say FIXIN' TUH.

I have to be at the hospital at 5:15 AM, for a 7:15 AM surgery. Should be in my room by noon, and Doc says that I'll be there at least overnight, probably two nights. We'll see what happens.

Brian and I went and saw Wolverine (my second time seeing it, YUMMY Leiv Schreiber!) to calm my jittery nerves. I wasn't nervous until people kept ASKING IF I WAS NERVOUS.

Anyway, off to pack my bag. I'm going to be up at 3:30 so I can be sure to shave my legs. A girl has to have priorities, right?

Today was my 12th anniversary.

2009-05-24T22:37:00.001-05:00

Guess how we celebrated? Geez....we're old.

Crying over spilled...soup.

2009-05-20T23:53:00.004-05:00

I don't think I got enough protein or carbs today, and the little that I DID have just wasn't satisfying. I was also dealing with our former mortgage company, so I had that added stress. When I was at Bed Bath & Beyond I bought a Food Network magazine because it had a burger on the front. I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove a good burger. I haven't been having all that hard a time with cravings & such since my bumpy first day, so I thought I'd be OK.

Notsomuch. I don't know if my sugar bottomed out really hard or if my vitamins that I had taken over an hour earlier were finally hitting me, but as I was on the way to get Matt's lunch at Chick-Fil-A I was struggling not to throw up as I drove. The whole way home, with his nuggets next to me and knowing that just one nugget of solid protein goodness would make me feel better...wow, that was tough. I had to call my mom and tell her what was up, I needed her to talk me through it.

After I got Matt fed & off to school I came back home and sat out back with my magazine. I neglected to check the expiration date on the sunblock...my legs, arms, and chest are now blistered red. Y'know how you get bright red when you're embarrassed? (OK, at least I do.) My entire front is that red. Except my face & neck, of course, because the sunblock in my moisturizer is still OK. So much for a relaxing afternoon read.

Brian made a steak for him & the kids for dinner, and the fact that I didn't do my liquids very well today came roaring back. OMG, that steak smelled so freakin' good. I went outside and watered all my plants, but they were still eating when I came in. I ended up sweet talking Brian into giving me a tiny bite of steak on the promise that I'd chew chew chew and spit it out, just getting the flavor. It was a REALLY tender piece of meat, though, and it pretty much dissolved as I chewed. It was so good that I went and did something that I would have been horrified at my kids for doing.................I licked the plate that the steak was on. I could happily get through the rest of the liquid diet on steak juice.

I guess the thing that kind of topped everything off was that my ride for tomorrow (getting my IVC filter, conscious sedation so I can't drive) ended up not being able to go after all. I had a hell of a time finding somebody to begin with because Brian has a flight he can't get out of and almost everybody else I know either works or has small kids. Anyway, my pregnant neighbor was going to help me but she was offered a chance to get a 4D ultrasound of her baby, for free. Definitely take that chance!!! So I had to call around and finally got somebody (who is SO not a morning person) to help me. I hate having to ask for help.

After all this today, I went to make myself a cup of soup, and the ONE soup I wanted, the Tomato Parmesan Bisque, the seal was broken. It was like it broke a seal in me, too. I just walked into my room, fell face down on my bed (OW!) and started sobbing. Brian came in to find out why I've lost my mind this time (common occurence) and climbed up on the bed next to me, bumping my entire front. (OOOOOOOOW!!!) And of course, even though I won't tell him anything until he promises not to laugh at me, he laughs at me. Meanyhead.

so now I'm gong to go brush my teeth, crash into bed, and get up in 5 1/2 hours to go let somebody poke a hole in a vital vein in my neck. It's after midnight now, so.......five days!

Yaaaaaaaaaay! Do I get a sticker now?

2009-05-20T12:24:00.002-05:00

Another poop post for Amy!

I haven't been able to poop pretty much since Sunday, and that's WITH eating the Activia. I'm an every day, 9 AM download kinda gal, so you can imagine the discomfort.

This morning I decided, "If I can't crap by tonight I'm taking some Metamucil!"

So as I was strolling around Bed, Bath & Beyond today...it hit me. YAAAAAAAAAY! I GOTTA POOP!!! So I told Matt to follow me with speed and went in search of the restroom. They must have known I was coming, BOTH restrooms were being cleaned. Noooooooooooo..... We left the store, went over to get Matt's lunch from Chick-Fil_A (OMG it smelled so good!) drive thru, and hurried home.

I feel like a big girl now, I want a sticker... Or at least a few red M&M's.

Works for now, don't think I could do it forever.

2009-05-19T10:27:00.003-05:00

So yesterday my total caloric intake was about 680-ish calories, with 86 grams of protein, and less than 30 grams of carbs. In the beginning I had figured I'd be starving halfway through the day, but I wasn't at all. The only time I got a little bit hungry was a little while before I went to bed. I can't take my vitamins on an empty stomach anyway, so I took them with some GNC 100% whey protein - banana creme. Not bad, but from now on I'm making it with milk. It was too...thin...weird...something...

I think I had a problem with my blood sugar crashing yesterday because I got REALLY grumpy with Brian and the kids around dinnertime. After I had my cup of carrot soup (NOM!) I was a lot better.

Speaking of the carrot soup, I got the OK from my nutritionist to keep eating it through the liquids. She said she wants to try it, too. LOL

I am getting a little frustrated in that I've been at this since Saturday with only one slip up, and I've been active, but I don't seem to be losing anything. I know it's not a huge deal as long as I don't GAIN, but really...how can I NOT lose weight at less than 1000 k/cal a day with moderate activity? I see all these people that say they lost 15-20 pounds during their liquid diet, and dammit, I want to be one of them.

I think I'm going to go buy a new scale tomorrow. Right now the one we have is just one of the crappy spring loaded ones. Maybe it's broken and goes to 250 lbs no matter what. (Hey, I can wish, right?)

Deliciousness

2009-05-18T18:23:00.002-05:00

Roasted Carrot Soup

6 or so peeled & roughly cubed carrots, about 1 inch pieces
1 big fat clove of garlic, still in skin
1 tsp olive oil
about 1 tsp or so sea salt
4 c low sodium chicken broth
1/4 c fat free half & half
1 scoop unflavored whey isolate protein

Toss the carrots and garlic clove in the olive oil, sprinkle with salt and spread on a baking sheet. Roast at 350° for at least 45 minutes, until the garlic is buttery soft and the carrots are fork tender.

After they've cooked a good bit, remove from the oven and move the carrots into a soup pot. Take the peel off the garlic and add that too. Cover with the chicken broth, bring to a simmer and allow to simmer for at least half an hour.

Cool a little bit so you don't melt your immersion blender like I did (it didn't COMPLETELY melt!), then hit it with the blender stick until the carrots are finely pureed like baby food. Whisk in the half and half and protein powder.

Serve chilled or warm, just don't simmer it again.

Works out to about 94 calories, 9 g protein, 9 carbs, and 5 sugars per 1 c serving. I'm just not sure if roasting the carrots will raise the sugars in the carrots.

It's still a bit chunky so I'll try cooking it longer next time. I'll have to run this by my nutritionist to make sure it's really OK for pre-op because of the tiny chunks. I COULD drink it through a straw, but it's kind of pushing the limits...

My kitchen smells so good right now.

2009-05-18T12:23:00.002-05:00

I'm making carrot soup for my dinner tonight. I've got carrots and a clove of garlic roasting away in the oven, and they're sooooooo happy. *drool* I'll post a recipe tonight, after I figure out exact proportions & crap. (OK, so I really don't add crap to my soup...but you geddit.)

So glad I'm on the liquids now ...

2009-05-17T22:39:00.003-05:00

Since I'm now on the liquids only there's no way I'm going to cook. I'm a chef at heart, what you cook MUST be tasted as you go to know that it's right. Since I'm not cooking I told the girls that they need to help their dad. They've each been told to come up with something they want to make for dinner, look through the recipes and come up with a grocery list.

I submit to you the recipe created by my 11 year old daughter, exactly as she wrote it out.

Beth's malaria

spageti noodles (1/2)
feta cheese (handful)
bell peppers (2)
mushrooms (pack)
galic head
chicken
1 cup milk
beef broth (1 1/2 cups)
rosmary (cup)

I think a full cup of rosemary might be a tad overwhelming in malaria. LMBO

So...as stated, I've started liquids. Yesterday was a terrible day to start them, I had raging PMS and woke up hungry. WTF??? I NEVER wake up hungry, I'm not a breakfast person at all. Yet I woke up raging hungry, my stomach was even growling. And because day 1 of PMS is always the worst I had doG-awful head hunger all day too. I did ok through the entire day until I opened my big mouth and asked Brian if he just wanted to order pizza since we'd been doing yard sale stuff all day. DUMB. I don't even LIKE delivery pizza, but it smelled so freakin' good.

I broke. I had a slice, dunked in the deliciousness that is the garlic butter dipping sauce. Then I had a few bites of brownie with Nutella spread on them. (GIADA DI LAURENTIS, I CURSE YOU AND YOUR CULINARY GENIUS!!!!) Not enough to equal a full brownie, but still. The whole time I was eating it all I was shoveling, looking around like a kid about to get caught...praying that Brian wouldn't come in and see what I was doing. The whole time I was doing it I KNEW what I was doing was wrong, but the head hunger had so overpowered me that I was too emotional too resist. It was like, "I know what I'm doing is wrong and I don't FREAKIN' CARE ANYMORE!!!"

It bit me in the ass though. (Heh, bit me. Obsessed with eating much?) For two hours afterward I was soooooooo sick to my stomach, I wanted to make myself puke and I HATE to puke.

I figure if I'm going to have my one bad day, it's better to have it at the beginning than the end. It's not going to happen again, I'm positive. There's too much at risk, there's no way I want Dr. G cutting in to me only to have to stitch me up again because I was non-compliant. I had a bad day, it's done, it's in the past. Nothing but good days from here.

I'm all better today though. I've had a total of about 760 calories, and I've allotted myself 950 a day. The closest I've come to really eating anything was lowfat cottage cheese, and that one is allowed. I've also had about 120 ounces of water. Only 8 ounces shy of a gallon! I'm going to pee all night, aren't I?

I also worked off at LEAST every calorie that I took in today. I finally got my "mommy corner" planted, after planning on doing it since we moved in 3 years ago. Maybe sometime within the next 3 years I'll get it properly edged? I'll post a pic of it soon, it's purdy. Tropicannas, varigated ginger, cordylines, calla lillies, and something else I can't remember the name of.

Gah...it's almost 11 and I'm beat. Trying to not take any Advil for the little bit of sunburn I got, but this stupid aloe with lidocaine isn't touching it. I'll sleep it off instead.

Goodnight my loves!!!

It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!

2009-05-15T08:52:00.002-05:00

(Title is a link!)

I've had that song in my head since yesterday morning when I realized that TODAY starts my final countdown. Today is my last day of solids for a VERY.LONG.TIME. Tomorrow I officially start my liquid diet. WHOO-HOO!!! Who knew I'd ever be excited about subsisting on liquids only?

Today is such an incredibly beautiful day. We've had some pretty miserable weather lately, so I'm especially thankful for the blue blue blue sky. It's a tad windy (this is Oklahoma, when is it NOT windy?) but that just dries the soggy ground out a little faster. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able to plant the plants that I bought for the back yard four weeks ago. I think I'll open the windows and let the breeze come through as I get my chores done. I love this kind of weather, it just gives me that extra bolt of happiness.

We're supposedly having a yard sale this weekend, but I've done jack & squat to get ready for it other than get the garage cleaned & price a few items. I have a feeling I'm going to be up all night getting ready for it. I seem to have lost my motivation for it.

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to post this for a while. A few weeks ago I was in my room folding laundry when the kids got home from school. They all came in to do their homework in my room, and we were chit-chattin', when Catey asked me, "Mommy, why do you want to be not fat anymore?"

GAH.

First I had to explain to her that we don't call people fat, and I don't call myself fat. Trying to get the healthy body image stuff rooted in their heads now so it's not such a worry later on. Then I went on to explain that while yes, I am severely overweight, I'm not doing it to be skinny. That's just an added bonus. I'm doing this so I can be healthy and run around and do more fun stuff with them. She accepted that and we carried on with laundry and homework.

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd now......I'm realizing that I do let the "f" word and "s" word slip out more than I should. It's so easy to say that I'm NOT doing this because of my body image, but really...in a lot of ways I am. In my head I'm still the cute, skinny 20 year old that I was when I met Brian. Even after being overweight for so long I'm still surprised every time I look in the mirror. My kids have only ever known a fluffy mommy, and I don't want their memories of their childhoods to be with me sitting on the sidelines because I couldn't participate. I wonder how my WLS will define the rest of their growing up, and can only pray that it will be positive for them as well.

While my mom was here she saw the way Bethany eats and said something to her about it, which REALLY ticked me off. Granted, Beth eats a ton right now. However, SHE'S 11 AND GROWING LIKE CRAZY. She's grown 5 inches just this school year. She's skinny as a whip, too. She eats like a teenage boy sometimes. But she almost always makes healthy choices. Even when she's sneaking into food (which is my only issue with this, I snuck food a lot when I was a teen) she's sneaking fruit & cheese. Yeah, if there's chocolate in the house she'll get into that, but she doesn't eat it all at once. Anyway, when I heard my mom tell Beth that she needs to be careful about the way she eats because someday her body is going to decide that it doesn't need that much food anymore, and if she keeps eating that way she'll end up heavy...I WAS LIVID. Yes, it was true. However, I'M her mom, and if I think that she's approaching a problem I WILL DEAL WITH IT. For the time being she's a growing girl with a normal and healthy appetite.

I don't want the kid to have the body issues that I did when I was a teen. I was 5'7" and about 150-160, wore a size 12 and I was convinced I was fat. All the other girls around me weighed maybe 115 and wore a size 4. Then again, they were 5'2" and bulimic/anorexic. My grandmother didn't help by telling me when she noticed my weight fluctuating by just a few pounds. A few years ago I saw a pic of myself when I was a senior, wearing one of the snap-crotch body suits, jeans, and a crochet vest. I COULD NOT BELEIVE HOW SLENDER I WAS. I wasn't fat at all. I just had curves, when none of the bulimic girls did. I had been visiting some old friends from school when I saw this pic, and we got into a conversation about teenage body image and how ugly and fat we (the girls) felt. The husband looked at me with a "what the hell are you talking about" look, and told me, "Um, Meg...you were smokin' in high school. Most of the guys didn't talk to you because you were hot AND you had a confidence that scared them."

Um...right. Whatever. I still don't see it, but it sure felt good to hear it.

Ok, that went on way longer than I had expected it to, and I need to go get cleaned up for grocery shopping and errands.

Hehehe...Matt just came in here and got the umbrella stroller that I'm putting in the yard sale. He's got his stuffed Goofy in it, and he took him out to the back yard to wheel him around. He's such a good little daddy!

Which would you do?

2009-05-12T20:41:00.002-05:00

1. Brian and I have the reservations at Mickey Mantle's on Friday night for my "last supper." It's supposed to be one of the best steakhouses in OKC, and something we've been looking forward to and putting off for a long time.

2. Our neighbors are moving and the husband is leaving on Sunday. I just found out tonight that there's going to be a cul-de-sac get together on Friday, likely starting in the afternoon and running all night long. Everybody's bringing food, and the get togethers are always fun. Our sons are best friends, like brothers.

We could do 1 or 2, or we could be kind of rude and do both. Which would you do?

My Last Supper

2009-05-12T09:39:00.003-05:00

I've been pretty good about not having a ton of last suppers, so I made reservations for Brian and I to go out for a really nice dinner on Friday night. For OKC, this is a REALLY expensive restaurant, but I've only heard good things about it. Poor Brian will have to dress nice though, the dress code is business casual. Poor guy.

Mmmmmmm....beefy goodness.... (< Is a link!)

Happy freakin' Mother's Day, we hate each other.

2009-05-10T12:11:00.001-05:00

I woke up at 7 AM to hear all 3 kids fighting on the other side of the wall from me, at top volume. DH went in to deal with them, they continued fighting anyway. I also had the joy of waking up with back spasms, so decided to take a bath. Every time I turned off the jets I heard the kids in the living room, fighting again. They're just venomous and hateful today.

Brian has also been asking me for days what he should get me for Mother's Day. I told him that IF he was going to get me something, which he really didn't have to do, I would appreciate something that he put thought and care into.
Last night as we were putting fresh sheets on the bed he tells me he's had a stroke of genius about my Mother's Day gift, and he'd even take me to the mall so I could pick it out. This morning he finally tells me, "I'm going to take you to pick out some new sheets for the bed."

Really? New sheets, when we have three sets of sheets in the closet? That's his idea of thought and care? I've married a caveman. And of course, because I don't want to be an ungrateful bitch all I can say is, "Honey, we really don't need any more sheets, I appreciate the thought though."

So now the kids are bossing each other around in the bedroom, and Brian is out in the garage either watching TV or playing video games. And I'm here feeling sorry for myself because I didn't get my fucking Hallmark & Folgers moment.

WLS and medication

2009-05-08T09:16:00.003-05:00

I've got meds on the mind today.

WLS will affect the way that your body absorbs medication, that's a given. Bypass is a malabsorbative surgery, so the meds are not going to be absorbed as well as they were before. So if you're thinking about WLS and you are on prescription meds, talk to your doctor about any adjustments you may need.

Most of the meds I'm on (the handful each night) are for issues that will be soon resolved with WLS. HCTZ for blood pressure, Nexium for that little rash in my duodenum, Fenoglide for my ucky triglycerides. I'll be on Synthroid for the rest of my life, but no biggie there...it's a tiny pill and dissolves quickly. Any adjustments with that will be simple.

My biggest concerns, and the ones I'll be focusing on when I talk to Dr. G on Tuesday, are my Wellbutrin and Buspar. I've sworn that I'll never be off the Wellbutrin, I'm a completely different person now that I'm on it. Honestly, I'm a bit afraid to ever go off it. I was having suicidal thoughts before, and while I know I'll never act on them...that's just scary. Wellbutrin has brought me closer to finally being myself than I had been probalby since...well...ever. The type I currently take, though, is a sustained release. The effects of the med last longer throughout the day, with a longer half life. My prescription says that I'm to take one tablet twice a day, but I only take one tablet once a day unless I otherwise need extra due to anxiety. As far as the Buspar, I only take it when I absolutely need it, and while it doesn't work as well as I'd like it to, it does work. I just have to take a full tablet as opposed to the 1/3 that's prescribed.

Buspar isn't all that big and can be cut, no problem, so that shouldn't be a huge issue. I just need to find out if I should take more when I need it. My worry is the Wellbutrin. SUSTAINED RELEASE MEDICATIONS SHOULD NEVER BE CUT, even the OTC meds. (So if you're taking Tylenol Arthritis, don't cut it. Either take less if you don't need the full dose, or take regular Tylenol.) After WLS, it's extremely difficult to take pills/tablets. In fact, our vitamins for the first long while are supposed to be chewable or dissolvable in liquids, and if we do have to continue taking a pill or tablet it needs to be smaller than the tip of our pinky finger. Wellbutrin SR, 150 mg is a fairly large tablet, almost a full centimeter in circumference. So I'm definitely going to need an adjustment. When I've finally found something that works well for me, though, the idea of transitioning to a med that may not work as well is daunting. I don't want to go back to being that person that I was. While I sometimes struggle now, it's nothing compared to where I was. So yeah, #1 topic on my list of stuff to talk to Dr. G about will be meds.

Here's a better explanation of controlled/sustained release medications. A good rule of thumb, if there's a score line on the tablet, it can be cut. If not, DO NOT CUT IT. (The job I just left was at a mail order pharmacy, I loved our pharmacists, they were so informative!)

From askyourpharmacist.ca

Other medications are designed in a Controlled-Release (CR) format. This means that the tablet or capsule slowly degrades as it passes through your digestive system, so there is more drug in the pill, but the drug is introduced more slowly into your body. This can be a good thing because it may mean you have to take less doses per day, or even may help to prevent side effects. The hazards of crushing a controlled-release medication can be severe and sometimes fatal. This is like giving a drug you were supposed to absorb slowly over as long as one day, all in one shot in a matter of hours or even minutes. You can see why this might be dangerous. So, as a rule of thumb, do not crush or split controlled-release medications. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but you should ask about these exceptions individually with your prescriber or pharmacist.

The tricky thing about controlled-release medications are that they do not always clearly state "controlled release" or even "CR". There are some other short-forms that accompany drug names to look out for, that also mean "controlled release":

-CD (controlled-delivery)
-ER (extended-release)
-LA (long-acting)
-SR (sustained-release or slow-release)
-XR (extended-release)
-XT (extended-release)
-Contin and Eslon are both associated with specific brands of controlled release drugs such as OxyContin

Green Porno

2009-05-07T22:51:00.002-05:00

(Click the title for a good time)

Isabella Rosellini is a genius. And a bit of a pervy genius at that! Yeah, I know, no significance to WLS, but too funny not to share. Make sure to check out the earthworm and snail bits. Sadomasochistic snails, indeed!

Make sure to find out what your Green Porno name is, as well. I am the ever sexy Leather Greenfinger.

Regret

2009-05-07T09:48:00.002-05:00

Blech. We went to Mimi's Cafe for dinner last night. I had a little bit of the artichoke dip (not nearly as good as what it used to be, and not nearly as good as my recipe), a cup of the french onion soup, and the balsamic chicken & pistachio salad, which was REALLY good. Saved my carrot muffin for today's breakfast. And then I opened my big mouth. I'd heard so many great things about the bread pudding from Mimi's, and this was my last chance to try it. So I ordered one. And didn't think to ask for the petite order.

That thing was HUGE, it probably could serve four easily. But it was MIIIIIIINE. I was only able to eat a few bites, and ended up getting a box to take it home. This morning, I had the bread pudding AND the muffin for breakfast. Can we say sugar shock? Blech, I'm going to be chugging a ton of water today just to try to purge the sugar from my system.

It was sooooooo good though, almost worth the sugar shock. Almost. Thankfully that's enough to last me for several years....

Trying to fix the comments...

2009-05-06T22:46:00.000-05:00

I think it's the templates from Pyzam...

HAPPY DANCE and a poop post for Amy.

2009-05-06T10:28:00.003-05:00

I called this morning and finally got my biopsy results back.
Non-cancerous thyroiditis! YEE-HAW!! It feels so GOOD to get some good news! I have my final pre-op with Dr. G on Tuesday, so I'll find out then if I'll need to have a partial thyroidectomy, but if I do it won't be until after I've healed from my RNY. *whew* The show will go on...

And now the promised poop post for Miss Amy. Hehehe...

When I was working my friend Ginger would always eat a little container of Activia at her desk every day. Seriously. EVERY day, she was dedicated. She kept a tiny little blue refrigerator on her desk that held six Activia containers. Somehow we got around to the subject of the Jamie Lee Curtis commercials, and Ginger told me that the stuff really does work. She can be a bit of a health-convenience food nut, and I try really hard to not buy packaged foods, especially those with sugar in them, so I pretty much forgot about the conversation.

Recently I started making protein shakes in the mornings, and light/sugar free yogurt is a good way to get a bit of extra protein and add some creaminess to the shakes. I thought about using the Weight Watchers yogurts, but I don't care for all the artificial flavors. Then I saw that my grocery store has Activia Light. Figured I'd give it a try.

In normal times, when I'm eating regular stuff and still drinking my water, I usually poop once a day, usually in the mornings. If I haven't been drinking enough water I'll go several days between "downloads." It's not something I really pay attention to, if I've gotta go I go. If I don't, I'm not going to chart how many days it's been since I've gone.

About a week and a half after I started the shakes with the Activia Light, though, I realized, "wow, I've crapped, like, four times today." Usually if I'm going that much in one day it's because I don't feel good. But I was fine. And I realized that I'd been pooping several times a day for...well...several days. And it wasn't overly stinky. (Yeah, I said it. My shit don't stink!) And it wasn't sticky icky mess that you need a wet wipe to clean up. It was CLEAN POOP.

Wow. That Activia stuff really works. And I only eat one a day. For a few weeks, recently, I ran out of the yogurt and didn't have the time or inclination to go to the store to get any. Hooooooly crap. (Hehehe) I was wishing I had. When you're used to cleaning out the guts at least twice a day with regularity, you notice when you don't anymore. Once I got back on the juice though, all was again right with my world.

The best part? Walmart has come out with their own brand, and I think a few other stores are as well. Walmart's is called Benefit, I think, and it's just as good. So you can get your poop on for cheap. (Wow, that just sounds gross.)

Where mah kids?

2009-05-05T16:20:00.002-05:00

Gidget went with me to pick up the kids this afternoon. She decided she was going to sit on my lap and hang out at the window to wait for them. Her loves her kids!

I don't geddit.

2009-05-05T11:26:00.001-05:00

OK, how do I get this: to show up at the top of the screen and stay there? I has a stupid.

Thankful vs. Gratitude

2009-05-05T10:12:00.001-05:00

(Click the title to link to the blog I found this at...)

In searching for some images about being thankful I found this, and I liked it. It's exactly the attitude that I'm working on changing to.

Being thankful is to acknowledge the contributions of others. While, thankfulness represents an understanding of such contributions, it does not necessarily represent a deep, heartfelt embrace of the contributions.

Having gratitude is to really feel and embrace the contributions of others and the power of the universe in your life. Gratitude moves the intellectual acknowledgment of being thankful to a deep feeling representing the intersection of intellect and soul.

So, there you have it … a quick look at the distinction between gratitude and thankfulness. We’d love to know what you think about this distinction and how it shows up in your life.