Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Aaaaaaaactually, it's 102.  And I find the cupcakes amusing, since they're a contributing factor.

I made it!!!! 100 pounds in just over 6 months.  There's no way I could have done this without the surgery.  Before, every time I tried to diet & exercise it all away on my own I ended up just gaining even more, and sabotaging myself in depression.  But because I went ahead and had my guts rearranged and finally found a form of exercise that I enjoy (such a huge difference!) it's finally coming off.  6 pounds to go to my goal weight!!! 

My goal had been to hit my goal weight by my birthday, but I really don't think that's going to happen.  I'm OK with that though.  100 pounds is nothing to sniff at, and I've only got those few left to go.

I've been running into people that knew me "before."  Today it was the lady that used to do my nails, I went back to her.  We were chit-chatting and she kept looking at me funny, and then she finally got this look of realization on her face.  "You've lost weight!!!!"  She was so sweet about it. 

Brian's family was incredible about it, too.  His grandma and aunt both cried when they saw me.  They know everything I've gone through, and they know that I feel like my outside finally matches my inside again.  (I always said that the fat was just padding for the skinny bitch inside!)

This has all been so surreal, though.  I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again.  Yes, at times, it does feel like I'm taking the easy way out.  After all, the only other ones that are going to lose so significantly so fast are the ones on the Biggest Loser, and once they're back in the real world most gain back.  I'm not having to work AS hard as they do physically, and I don't restrict myself as much as they do when it comes to dietary concerns.  But I've made a commitment to my body that I can't take back.  I had a rearranging of the guts that makes it so I can only absorb about 70% of what I take in.  I have to work to get enough protein in.  (Blech, shakes.)  There are times that I DESPERATELY want to eat something, especially if it's chocolatey, but I can't because I know it will make me sick.  If I forget, and I still do sometimes, and eat too fast or take too big bites I get sick.  I'm terrible about not drinking enough water and run a high risk of getting dangerously dehydrated.  This is all something I'll live with for the rest of my life, I can't just change my mind.  Nothing easy about being strapped to the wagon.

It's all been such a gift though.  I do things that I never thought I'd do.  I'm becoming a totally different, and hopefully more pleasant! person.  On the way back from Iowa on Sunday I raced Catey to the restroom at a rest stop...UPHILL.  And I didn't get out of breath.  Yeah, I'm just a little impressed with myself! 

I have a lot to learn, and I'm determined to KEEP it off.  I just hope I can manage to live the rest of my life with the grace and peace that I've been given, and share it.

Wugh.  My thoughts are all over the place tonight...sorry.


Amy W. said...

That's my girl. I thought about you when I was watching the victoria secret fashion show! I was thinking that I may be thinner one day, but I will never have long legs like them...and then i thought YOU DO! And I was again jealous of your long limbs. I like the irony of the cupcakes! Congrats poodles!