Monday, May 25, 2009

Fixin' to pack my bag.

Yeah, I live in Oklahoma, we say FIXIN' TUH.

I have to be at the hospital at 5:15 AM, for a 7:15 AM surgery. Should be in my room by noon, and Doc says that I'll be there at least overnight, probably two nights. We'll see what happens.

Brian and I went and saw Wolverine (my second time seeing it, YUMMY Leiv Schreiber!) to calm my jittery nerves. I wasn't nervous until people kept ASKING IF I WAS NERVOUS.

Anyway, off to pack my bag. I'm going to be up at 3:30 so I can be sure to shave my legs. A girl has to have priorities, right?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Today was my 12th anniversary.

Guess how we celebrated? Geez....we're old.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Crying over spilled...soup.

I don't think I got enough protein or carbs today, and the little that I DID have just wasn't satisfying. I was also dealing with our former mortgage company, so I had that added stress. When I was at Bed Bath & Beyond I bought a Food Network magazine because it had a burger on the front. I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove a good burger. I haven't been having all that hard a time with cravings & such since my bumpy first day, so I thought I'd be OK.

Notsomuch. I don't know if my sugar bottomed out really hard or if my vitamins that I had taken over an hour earlier were finally hitting me, but as I was on the way to get Matt's lunch at Chick-Fil-A I was struggling not to throw up as I drove. The whole way home, with his nuggets next to me and knowing that just one nugget of solid protein goodness would make me feel, that was tough. I had to call my mom and tell her what was up, I needed her to talk me through it.

After I got Matt fed & off to school I came back home and sat out back with my magazine. I neglected to check the expiration date on the legs, arms, and chest are now blistered red. Y'know how you get bright red when you're embarrassed? (OK, at least I do.) My entire front is that red. Except my face & neck, of course, because the sunblock in my moisturizer is still OK. So much for a relaxing afternoon read.

Brian made a steak for him & the kids for dinner, and the fact that I didn't do my liquids very well today came roaring back. OMG, that steak smelled so freakin' good. I went outside and watered all my plants, but they were still eating when I came in. I ended up sweet talking Brian into giving me a tiny bite of steak on the promise that I'd chew chew chew and spit it out, just getting the flavor. It was a REALLY tender piece of meat, though, and it pretty much dissolved as I chewed. It was so good that I went and did something that I would have been horrified at my kids for doing.................I licked the plate that the steak was on. I could happily get through the rest of the liquid diet on steak juice.

I guess the thing that kind of topped everything off was that my ride for tomorrow (getting my IVC filter, conscious sedation so I can't drive) ended up not being able to go after all. I had a hell of a time finding somebody to begin with because Brian has a flight he can't get out of and almost everybody else I know either works or has small kids. Anyway, my pregnant neighbor was going to help me but she was offered a chance to get a 4D ultrasound of her baby, for free. Definitely take that chance!!! So I had to call around and finally got somebody (who is SO not a morning person) to help me. I hate having to ask for help.

After all this today, I went to make myself a cup of soup, and the ONE soup I wanted, the Tomato Parmesan Bisque, the seal was broken. It was like it broke a seal in me, too. I just walked into my room, fell face down on my bed (OW!) and started sobbing. Brian came in to find out why I've lost my mind this time (common occurence) and climbed up on the bed next to me, bumping my entire front. (OOOOOOOOW!!!) And of course, even though I won't tell him anything until he promises not to laugh at me, he laughs at me. Meanyhead.

so now I'm gong to go brush my teeth, crash into bed, and get up in 5 1/2 hours to go let somebody poke a hole in a vital vein in my neck. It's after midnight now, so.......five days!

Yaaaaaaaaaay! Do I get a sticker now?

Another poop post for Amy!

I haven't been able to poop pretty much since Sunday, and that's WITH eating the Activia. I'm an every day, 9 AM download kinda gal, so you can imagine the discomfort.

This morning I decided, "If I can't crap by tonight I'm taking some Metamucil!"

So as I was strolling around Bed, Bath & Beyond hit me. YAAAAAAAAAY! I GOTTA POOP!!! So I told Matt to follow me with speed and went in search of the restroom. They must have known I was coming, BOTH restrooms were being cleaned. Noooooooooooo..... We left the store, went over to get Matt's lunch from Chick-Fil_A (OMG it smelled so good!) drive thru, and hurried home.

I feel like a big girl now, I want a sticker... Or at least a few red M&M's.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Works for now, don't think I could do it forever.

So yesterday my total caloric intake was about 680-ish calories, with 86 grams of protein, and less than 30 grams of carbs. In the beginning I had figured I'd be starving halfway through the day, but I wasn't at all. The only time I got a little bit hungry was a little while before I went to bed. I can't take my vitamins on an empty stomach anyway, so I took them with some GNC 100% whey protein - banana creme. Not bad, but from now on I'm making it with milk. It was too...thin...weird...something...

I think I had a problem with my blood sugar crashing yesterday because I got REALLY grumpy with Brian and the kids around dinnertime. After I had my cup of carrot soup (NOM!) I was a lot better.

Speaking of the carrot soup, I got the OK from my nutritionist to keep eating it through the liquids. She said she wants to try it, too. LOL

I am getting a little frustrated in that I've been at this since Saturday with only one slip up, and I've been active, but I don't seem to be losing anything. I know it's not a huge deal as long as I don't GAIN, but can I NOT lose weight at less than 1000 k/cal a day with moderate activity? I see all these people that say they lost 15-20 pounds during their liquid diet, and dammit, I want to be one of them.

I think I'm going to go buy a new scale tomorrow. Right now the one we have is just one of the crappy spring loaded ones. Maybe it's broken and goes to 250 lbs no matter what. (Hey, I can wish, right?)

Monday, May 18, 2009


Roasted Carrot Soup

6 or so peeled & roughly cubed carrots, about 1 inch pieces
1 big fat clove of garlic, still in skin
1 tsp olive oil
about 1 tsp or so sea salt
4 c low sodium chicken broth
1/4 c fat free half & half
1 scoop unflavored whey isolate protein

Toss the carrots and garlic clove in the olive oil, sprinkle with salt and spread on a baking sheet. Roast at 350° for at least 45 minutes, until the garlic is buttery soft and the carrots are fork tender.

After they've cooked a good bit, remove from the oven and move the carrots into a soup pot. Take the peel off the garlic and add that too. Cover with the chicken broth, bring to a simmer and allow to simmer for at least half an hour.

Cool a little bit so you don't melt your immersion blender like I did (it didn't COMPLETELY melt!), then hit it with the blender stick until the carrots are finely pureed like baby food. Whisk in the half and half and protein powder.

Serve chilled or warm, just don't simmer it again.

Works out to about 94 calories, 9 g protein, 9 carbs, and 5 sugars per 1 c serving. I'm just not sure if roasting the carrots will raise the sugars in the carrots.

It's still a bit chunky so I'll try cooking it longer next time. I'll have to run this by my nutritionist to make sure it's really OK for pre-op because of the tiny chunks. I COULD drink it through a straw, but it's kind of pushing the limits...

My kitchen smells so good right now.

I'm making carrot soup for my dinner tonight. I've got carrots and a clove of garlic roasting away in the oven, and they're sooooooo happy. *drool* I'll post a recipe tonight, after I figure out exact proportions & crap. (OK, so I really don't add crap to my soup...but you geddit.)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

So glad I'm on the liquids now ...

Since I'm now on the liquids only there's no way I'm going to cook. I'm a chef at heart, what you cook MUST be tasted as you go to know that it's right. Since I'm not cooking I told the girls that they need to help their dad. They've each been told to come up with something they want to make for dinner, look through the recipes and come up with a grocery list.

I submit to you the recipe created by my 11 year old daughter, exactly as she wrote it out.

Beth's malaria

spageti noodles (1/2)
feta cheese (handful)
bell peppers (2)
mushrooms (pack)
galic head
1 cup milk
beef broth (1 1/2 cups)
rosmary (cup)

I think a full cup of rosemary might be a tad overwhelming in malaria. LMBO stated, I've started liquids. Yesterday was a terrible day to start them, I had raging PMS and woke up hungry. WTF??? I NEVER wake up hungry, I'm not a breakfast person at all. Yet I woke up raging hungry, my stomach was even growling. And because day 1 of PMS is always the worst I had doG-awful head hunger all day too. I did ok through the entire day until I opened my big mouth and asked Brian if he just wanted to order pizza since we'd been doing yard sale stuff all day. DUMB. I don't even LIKE delivery pizza, but it smelled so freakin' good.

I broke. I had a slice, dunked in the deliciousness that is the garlic butter dipping sauce. Then I had a few bites of brownie with Nutella spread on them. (GIADA DI LAURENTIS, I CURSE YOU AND YOUR CULINARY GENIUS!!!!) Not enough to equal a full brownie, but still. The whole time I was eating it all I was shoveling, looking around like a kid about to get caught...praying that Brian wouldn't come in and see what I was doing. The whole time I was doing it I KNEW what I was doing was wrong, but the head hunger had so overpowered me that I was too emotional too resist. It was like, "I know what I'm doing is wrong and I don't FREAKIN' CARE ANYMORE!!!"

It bit me in the ass though. (Heh, bit me. Obsessed with eating much?) For two hours afterward I was soooooooo sick to my stomach, I wanted to make myself puke and I HATE to puke.

I figure if I'm going to have my one bad day, it's better to have it at the beginning than the end. It's not going to happen again, I'm positive. There's too much at risk, there's no way I want Dr. G cutting in to me only to have to stitch me up again because I was non-compliant. I had a bad day, it's done, it's in the past. Nothing but good days from here.

I'm all better today though. I've had a total of about 760 calories, and I've allotted myself 950 a day. The closest I've come to really eating anything was lowfat cottage cheese, and that one is allowed. I've also had about 120 ounces of water. Only 8 ounces shy of a gallon! I'm going to pee all night, aren't I?

I also worked off at LEAST every calorie that I took in today. I finally got my "mommy corner" planted, after planning on doing it since we moved in 3 years ago. Maybe sometime within the next 3 years I'll get it properly edged? I'll post a pic of it soon, it's purdy. Tropicannas, varigated ginger, cordylines, calla lillies, and something else I can't remember the name of.'s almost 11 and I'm beat. Trying to not take any Advil for the little bit of sunburn I got, but this stupid aloe with lidocaine isn't touching it. I'll sleep it off instead.

Goodnight my loves!!!

Friday, May 15, 2009


(Title is a link!)

I've had that song in my head since yesterday morning when I realized that TODAY starts my final countdown. Today is my last day of solids for a VERY.LONG.TIME. Tomorrow I officially start my liquid diet. WHOO-HOO!!! Who knew I'd ever be excited about subsisting on liquids only?

Today is such an incredibly beautiful day. We've had some pretty miserable weather lately, so I'm especially thankful for the blue blue blue sky. It's a tad windy (this is Oklahoma, when is it NOT windy?) but that just dries the soggy ground out a little faster. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able to plant the plants that I bought for the back yard four weeks ago. I think I'll open the windows and let the breeze come through as I get my chores done. I love this kind of weather, it just gives me that extra bolt of happiness.

We're supposedly having a yard sale this weekend, but I've done jack & squat to get ready for it other than get the garage cleaned & price a few items. I have a feeling I'm going to be up all night getting ready for it. I seem to have lost my motivation for it.

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to post this for a while. A few weeks ago I was in my room folding laundry when the kids got home from school. They all came in to do their homework in my room, and we were chit-chattin', when Catey asked me, "Mommy, why do you want to be not fat anymore?"


First I had to explain to her that we don't call people fat, and I don't call myself fat. Trying to get the healthy body image stuff rooted in their heads now so it's not such a worry later on. Then I went on to explain that while yes, I am severely overweight, I'm not doing it to be skinny. That's just an added bonus. I'm doing this so I can be healthy and run around and do more fun stuff with them. She accepted that and we carried on with laundry and homework.

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd now......I'm realizing that I do let the "f" word and "s" word slip out more than I should. It's so easy to say that I'm NOT doing this because of my body image, but a lot of ways I am. In my head I'm still the cute, skinny 20 year old that I was when I met Brian. Even after being overweight for so long I'm still surprised every time I look in the mirror. My kids have only ever known a fluffy mommy, and I don't want their memories of their childhoods to be with me sitting on the sidelines because I couldn't participate. I wonder how my WLS will define the rest of their growing up, and can only pray that it will be positive for them as well.

While my mom was here she saw the way Bethany eats and said something to her about it, which REALLY ticked me off. Granted, Beth eats a ton right now. However, SHE'S 11 AND GROWING LIKE CRAZY. She's grown 5 inches just this school year. She's skinny as a whip, too. She eats like a teenage boy sometimes. But she almost always makes healthy choices. Even when she's sneaking into food (which is my only issue with this, I snuck food a lot when I was a teen) she's sneaking fruit & cheese. Yeah, if there's chocolate in the house she'll get into that, but she doesn't eat it all at once. Anyway, when I heard my mom tell Beth that she needs to be careful about the way she eats because someday her body is going to decide that it doesn't need that much food anymore, and if she keeps eating that way she'll end up heavy...I WAS LIVID. Yes, it was true. However, I'M her mom, and if I think that she's approaching a problem I WILL DEAL WITH IT. For the time being she's a growing girl with a normal and healthy appetite.

I don't want the kid to have the body issues that I did when I was a teen. I was 5'7" and about 150-160, wore a size 12 and I was convinced I was fat. All the other girls around me weighed maybe 115 and wore a size 4. Then again, they were 5'2" and bulimic/anorexic. My grandmother didn't help by telling me when she noticed my weight fluctuating by just a few pounds. A few years ago I saw a pic of myself when I was a senior, wearing one of the snap-crotch body suits, jeans, and a crochet vest. I COULD NOT BELEIVE HOW SLENDER I WAS. I wasn't fat at all. I just had curves, when none of the bulimic girls did. I had been visiting some old friends from school when I saw this pic, and we got into a conversation about teenage body image and how ugly and fat we (the girls) felt. The husband looked at me with a "what the hell are you talking about" look, and told me, "Um, were smokin' in high school. Most of the guys didn't talk to you because you were hot AND you had a confidence that scared them."

Um...right. Whatever. I still don't see it, but it sure felt good to hear it.

Ok, that went on way longer than I had expected it to, and I need to go get cleaned up for grocery shopping and errands.

Hehehe...Matt just came in here and got the umbrella stroller that I'm putting in the yard sale. He's got his stuffed Goofy in it, and he took him out to the back yard to wheel him around. He's such a good little daddy!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Which would you do?

1. Brian and I have the reservations at Mickey Mantle's on Friday night for my "last supper." It's supposed to be one of the best steakhouses in OKC, and something we've been looking forward to and putting off for a long time.

2. Our neighbors are moving and the husband is leaving on Sunday. I just found out tonight that there's going to be a cul-de-sac get together on Friday, likely starting in the afternoon and running all night long. Everybody's bringing food, and the get togethers are always fun. Our sons are best friends, like brothers.

We could do 1 or 2, or we could be kind of rude and do both. Which would you do?

My Last Supper

I've been pretty good about not having a ton of last suppers, so I made reservations for Brian and I to go out for a really nice dinner on Friday night. For OKC, this is a REALLY expensive restaurant, but I've only heard good things about it. Poor Brian will have to dress nice though, the dress code is business casual. Poor guy.

Mmmmmmm....beefy goodness.... (< Is a link!)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy freakin' Mother's Day, we hate each other.

I woke up at 7 AM to hear all 3 kids fighting on the other side of the wall from me, at top volume. DH went in to deal with them, they continued fighting anyway. I also had the joy of waking up with back spasms, so decided to take a bath. Every time I turned off the jets I heard the kids in the living room, fighting again. They're just venomous and hateful today.

Brian has also been asking me for days what he should get me for Mother's Day. I told him that IF he was going to get me something, which he really didn't have to do, I would appreciate something that he put thought and care into.
Last night as we were putting fresh sheets on the bed he tells me he's had a stroke of genius about my Mother's Day gift, and he'd even take me to the mall so I could pick it out. This morning he finally tells me, "I'm going to take you to pick out some new sheets for the bed."

Really? New sheets, when we have three sets of sheets in the closet? That's his idea of thought and care? I've married a caveman. And of course, because I don't want to be an ungrateful bitch all I can say is, "Honey, we really don't need any more sheets, I appreciate the thought though."

So now the kids are bossing each other around in the bedroom, and Brian is out in the garage either watching TV or playing video games. And I'm here feeling sorry for myself because I didn't get my fucking Hallmark & Folgers moment.

Friday, May 8, 2009

WLS and medication

I've got meds on the mind today.

WLS will affect the way that your body absorbs medication, that's a given. Bypass is a malabsorbative surgery, so the meds are not going to be absorbed as well as they were before. So if you're thinking about WLS and you are on prescription meds, talk to your doctor about any adjustments you may need.

Most of the meds I'm on (the handful each night) are for issues that will be soon resolved with WLS. HCTZ for blood pressure, Nexium for that little rash in my duodenum, Fenoglide for my ucky triglycerides. I'll be on Synthroid for the rest of my life, but no biggie's a tiny pill and dissolves quickly. Any adjustments with that will be simple.

My biggest concerns, and the ones I'll be focusing on when I talk to Dr. G on Tuesday, are my Wellbutrin and Buspar. I've sworn that I'll never be off the Wellbutrin, I'm a completely different person now that I'm on it. Honestly, I'm a bit afraid to ever go off it. I was having suicidal thoughts before, and while I know I'll never act on them...that's just scary. Wellbutrin has brought me closer to finally being myself than I had been probalby since...well...ever. The type I currently take, though, is a sustained release. The effects of the med last longer throughout the day, with a longer half life. My prescription says that I'm to take one tablet twice a day, but I only take one tablet once a day unless I otherwise need extra due to anxiety. As far as the Buspar, I only take it when I absolutely need it, and while it doesn't work as well as I'd like it to, it does work. I just have to take a full tablet as opposed to the 1/3 that's prescribed.

Buspar isn't all that big and can be cut, no problem, so that shouldn't be a huge issue. I just need to find out if I should take more when I need it. My worry is the Wellbutrin. SUSTAINED RELEASE MEDICATIONS SHOULD NEVER BE CUT, even the OTC meds. (So if you're taking Tylenol Arthritis, don't cut it. Either take less if you don't need the full dose, or take regular Tylenol.) After WLS, it's extremely difficult to take pills/tablets. In fact, our vitamins for the first long while are supposed to be chewable or dissolvable in liquids, and if we do have to continue taking a pill or tablet it needs to be smaller than the tip of our pinky finger. Wellbutrin SR, 150 mg is a fairly large tablet, almost a full centimeter in circumference. So I'm definitely going to need an adjustment. When I've finally found something that works well for me, though, the idea of transitioning to a med that may not work as well is daunting. I don't want to go back to being that person that I was. While I sometimes struggle now, it's nothing compared to where I was. So yeah, #1 topic on my list of stuff to talk to Dr. G about will be meds.

Here's a better explanation of controlled/sustained release medications. A good rule of thumb, if there's a score line on the tablet, it can be cut. If not, DO NOT CUT IT. (The job I just left was at a mail order pharmacy, I loved our pharmacists, they were so informative!)


Other medications are designed in a Controlled-Release (CR) format. This means that the tablet or capsule slowly degrades as it passes through your digestive system, so there is more drug in the pill, but the drug is introduced more slowly into your body. This can be a good thing because it may mean you have to take less doses per day, or even may help to prevent side effects. The hazards of crushing a controlled-release medication can be severe and sometimes fatal. This is like giving a drug you were supposed to absorb slowly over as long as one day, all in one shot in a matter of hours or even minutes. You can see why this might be dangerous. So, as a rule of thumb, do not crush or split controlled-release medications. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but you should ask about these exceptions individually with your prescriber or pharmacist.

The tricky thing about controlled-release medications are that they do not always clearly state "controlled release" or even "CR". There are some other short-forms that accompany drug names to look out for, that also mean "controlled release":

  • -CD (controlled-delivery)
  • -ER (extended-release)
  • -LA (long-acting)
  • -SR (sustained-release or slow-release)
  • -XR (extended-release)
  • -XT (extended-release)
  • -Contin and Eslon are both associated with specific brands of controlled release drugs such as OxyContin

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Green Porno

(Click the title for a good time)

Isabella Rosellini is a genius. And a bit of a pervy genius at that! Yeah, I know, no significance to WLS, but too funny not to share. Make sure to check out the earthworm and snail bits. Sadomasochistic snails, indeed!

Make sure to find out what your Green Porno name is, as well. I am the ever sexy Leather Greenfinger.


Blech. We went to Mimi's Cafe for dinner last night. I had a little bit of the artichoke dip (not nearly as good as what it used to be, and not nearly as good as my recipe), a cup of the french onion soup, and the balsamic chicken & pistachio salad, which was REALLY good. Saved my carrot muffin for today's breakfast. And then I opened my big mouth. I'd heard so many great things about the bread pudding from Mimi's, and this was my last chance to try it. So I ordered one. And didn't think to ask for the petite order.

That thing was HUGE, it probably could serve four easily. But it was MIIIIIIINE. I was only able to eat a few bites, and ended up getting a box to take it home. This morning, I had the bread pudding AND the muffin for breakfast. Can we say sugar shock? Blech, I'm going to be chugging a ton of water today just to try to purge the sugar from my system.

It was sooooooo good though, almost worth the sugar shock. Almost. Thankfully that's enough to last me for several years....

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Trying to fix the comments...

I think it's the templates from Pyzam...

HAPPY DANCE and a poop post for Amy.

I called this morning and finally got my biopsy results back.
Non-cancerous thyroiditis! YEE-HAW!! It feels so GOOD to get some good news! I have my final pre-op with Dr. G on Tuesday, so I'll find out then if I'll need to have a partial thyroidectomy, but if I do it won't be until after I've healed from my RNY. *whew* The show will go on...

And now the promised poop post for Miss Amy. Hehehe...

When I was working my friend Ginger would always eat a little container of Activia at her desk every day. Seriously. EVERY day, she was dedicated. She kept a tiny little blue refrigerator on her desk that held six Activia containers. Somehow we got around to the subject of the Jamie Lee Curtis commercials, and Ginger told me that the stuff really does work. She can be a bit of a health-convenience food nut, and I try really hard to not buy packaged foods, especially those with sugar in them, so I pretty much forgot about the conversation.

Recently I started making protein shakes in the mornings, and light/sugar free yogurt is a good way to get a bit of extra protein and add some creaminess to the shakes. I thought about using the Weight Watchers yogurts, but I don't care for all the artificial flavors. Then I saw that my grocery store has Activia Light. Figured I'd give it a try.

In normal times, when I'm eating regular stuff and still drinking my water, I usually poop once a day, usually in the mornings. If I haven't been drinking enough water I'll go several days between "downloads." It's not something I really pay attention to, if I've gotta go I go. If I don't, I'm not going to chart how many days it's been since I've gone.

About a week and a half after I started the shakes with the Activia Light, though, I realized, "wow, I've crapped, like, four times today." Usually if I'm going that much in one day it's because I don't feel good. But I was fine. And I realized that I'd been pooping several times a day for...well...several days. And it wasn't overly stinky. (Yeah, I said it. My shit don't stink!) And it wasn't sticky icky mess that you need a wet wipe to clean up. It was CLEAN POOP.

Wow. That Activia stuff really works. And I only eat one a day. For a few weeks, recently, I ran out of the yogurt and didn't have the time or inclination to go to the store to get any. Hooooooly crap. (Hehehe) I was wishing I had. When you're used to cleaning out the guts at least twice a day with regularity, you notice when you don't anymore. Once I got back on the juice though, all was again right with my world.

The best part? Walmart has come out with their own brand, and I think a few other stores are as well. Walmart's is called Benefit, I think, and it's just as good. So you can get your poop on for cheap. (Wow, that just sounds gross.)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Where mah kids?

Gidget went with me to pick up the kids this afternoon. She decided she was going to sit on my lap and hang out at the window to wait for them. Her loves her kids!

I don't geddit.

OK, how do I get this: to show up at the top of the screen and stay there? I has a stupid.

Thankful vs. Gratitude

(Click the title to link to the blog I found this at...)

In searching for some images about being thankful I found this, and I liked it. It's exactly the attitude that I'm working on changing to.

Being thankful is to acknowledge the contributions of others. While, thankfulness represents an understanding of such contributions, it does not necessarily represent a deep, heartfelt embrace of the contributions.

Having gratitude is to really feel and embrace the contributions of others and the power of the universe in your life. Gratitude moves the intellectual acknowledgment of being thankful to a deep feeling representing the intersection of intellect and soul.

So, there you have it … a quick look at the distinction between gratitude and thankfulness. We’d love to know what you think about this distinction and how it shows up in your life.

My name is Meagan, and I am a slacker.

I had all these great intentions of tracking all the food I eat & posting the nutrition info. We see how well I did with that, right? I like the Daily Plate, but I don't love it. I prefer the Weight Watchers nutrition tracker, but I don't want to have to restart my membership to do it. I need to find something better than Daily Plate.

That said, it's what I've got for now and I need to get back on track. I do a lot better when I'm tracking my food. Who'da thunk it?

Breakfast: Caramel Macchiato Shake
8 oz 8th Continent Light Soy Milk
1 scoop GNC Whey Isolate 28 - vanilla
2 scoops CLICK Mocha Espresso powder
6 pumps SF Da Vinci caramel syrup
about 1/2 c crushed ice

310 calories
4 g fat
10 mg cholesterol
315 mg sodium
20 g carbs
14 g sugar
1 g fiber
49 g protein

Gah. I need to take a closer look & see where all the sugar is coming from.

Snack: EAS AtvantEDGE Carb Control (Strawberry Creme)
RTD Protein

110 calories
3 g fat
20 mg cholesterol
260 mg sodium
2 g carb
1 g fiber
0 g sugar
17 g protein

On another note, I'm reading Mike Fox's new book, Always Looking Up: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. I like it, but it's kind of hard to follow. He jumps around a lot. (No pun intended.) I love his basic philosophy though; You may not have control over what happens to you, but you CAN control how you react to it. It's what I've been preaching at Brian for years. Hehe... I can be pessimistic and hyper-critical at times, and it's something in me that I really DON'T like. I'm working hard on changing it, I can see how it affects my kids and I don't want to do that to them. There's also been studies done that confirm that people that live in a positive manner live healthier, longer lives. Yeah, I'll take it!!

In keeping with building a new mindset, I want to find at least three things every morning to be thankful for. If I find that something is irritating the hell out of me ( What? I NEVER get irritated!!!) I will do my best to find something from THAT to be thankful about. (i.e., Brian loves to push my buttons to drive me crazy, but he does it because he loves me and knows that I can't stay mad at him. He also does it because I probably need it!)

So for today:

I love that my son has been coming to me and asking me to scratch or tickle his back. I love when he sprawls on my lap and giggles when it tickles, and puppy growls when the scratches feel so good. I love the sly little smile he gets on his face when he's thinking that he's getting away with staying up a few minutes later when he gets the scratches.

I love that Caitlin has such an inquisitive mind, even when she won't. stop. asking. questions. She's smart beyond her age and hysterically funny and PASSIONATE. Even though it results in a LOT of temper tantrums, she has such a deep sense of justice.

I love that Bethany is growing up to be such personable young lady. I watch her with her friends and realize that she does know who she is, and thinks for herself. She knows to treat others with kindness and turns her back on those that don't.

I love watching my cats play. I can be in the worst mood, but if they start with their 'rasslin, everything washes away and I'm laughing. Queso is ping-pong kitty and defies gravity, Carne gets bunny feet when they wrestle and kicks at Queso.

I love that my dogs have to be in the same room as me, even if it does mean that they're constantly underfoot.

Ok....enough rhapsodising for now. I need to get chores done. (Ick! But when I get them done I have happyclean house. There. That's turning a a negative into a positive. LOL)

Friday, May 1, 2009

So crazy tired today...

I don't remember Brian getting up today, and usually I'm a light sleeper and get pissed at him for the multiple hits of the snooze button. Instead he came in from his Friday Running Club run at 8:30 and asked me if I was going to get up. The kids were all up and getting ready for school on their own, trying to be quiet. WOW. I ended up watching a DVR episode of Harper's Island until 10:00, poked around on the computer until 10:30, and took Matt to meet Bri for lunch. Went to Lowe's and my favorite nursery, spent too much money, and I STILL can't find any energy. The kids get home from school in 40 minutes, but I think I'm going to have to go crash. If I didn't know better I'd think I was pregnant, I'm so damn tired. (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!!! YES I'M SURE!!!!!)

Had my last mint-oreo concrete from Freddy's Frozen Custard today. MMMMMMMM....soo nom. My blood sugar isn't even spiking, which is wierd. I'm going to miss those concretes, but being skinny makes it worth giving them up.

OK...need nap...maybe I AM crashing, minus the spike...ugh...