Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Bowie and Bing wrapped up in a Bow...

OK, maybe not, but it's fun to say.  I'm a HUUUGE Bowie fan, and this is one of my favorites of his.  How could it not be, when he's hangin' with Bing Crosby?  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

EVERYTHING gets smaller.

So when you lose the excess weight, EVERYTHING really does get smaller.  My feet have, most definitely.  I used to have to squish into a size 10 shoe just for the width.  Now I'm back in a 9-9.5.  Regular, not wide.  SUH-WEET.

Even BETTER though, is that my hands have gotten skinnier.  After Matt was born my hands were so puffy still that I ended up getting a new wedding set.  Hey, I gave Brian a SON, and two gorgeous daughters, I deserved it, right?  ;)  I ended up having to order a size 10 ring set.  At times even that was too tight.  There was about a year that I couldn't even wear it.  Once I finally started losing, though, my hands got slimmer pretty quick.  I had to pick up a ring sizer thingie (technical term!) to put on my bands to make them fit better.  Even that is too loose now, and they slide right off. 

So yesterday I went into a little family owned jewelry store just to find out how much it would cost to get them sized.  I've been wearing my original band and even that is too big.  Only a hundred bucks, so that's nice.  Then we sized my finger.

No freakin way.

I wear a size 7 ring.  And since my body is still normalizing, including my hands, it's likely to go even a little bit smaller.  Holy crapoly, I dig it!  So the jeweler wrote down all the info on his business card so I can give it to Brian.  Maybe I'll get my rings sized for Christmas or Valentine's Day? 

Friday, December 11, 2009

A few before pics

I had MIL send these.  I'm sure she's got more, I'll get them posted eventually.  The ones in the pink shirts were in Okinawa, and I'm sure I was over 350ish in those.  Probably about the same in the one where I'm at the table, but that was a few weeks after we had moved back stateside. 

It just makes me so sad to see these.  But I also wasn't READY to lose the weight back then.  I had a lot of emotional crap to deal with first, stuff to work through with my mom and about my brother's death.  I think even if I had had the surgery back then I would likely have sabotaged it somehow.

Anyway, here they are.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Size 8, baby!!!

So apparently I've lost even more than I realized.  I found a picture of Brian and me from when we lived in Japan and I was freakin' huge. I took it to seminar last night and showed it to Kim, my surgeon's wife, and she thinks I was around 350ish.  Which put me at almost 200 pounds lost.  *faint*  I was in such denial about how big I was, I refused to get on a scale.  I wouldn't even get on one at the doctor's office. 

I like these pics MUCH better, even though they're really shadowy.  Ann Taylor Loft pants!  Yay!  Size 9 boots, WITH stiletto heels and a super pointy toe.  YAY!  I used to have to buy shoes in a 10-11 just to deal with the width of my foot, the length was always way too big.  And fugghedabout stilettos, even chunky heels made me feel like I was walking on knives stabbing up through my heel & calf. 

I need to do another "I can" list.....

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Aaaaaaaactually, it's 102.  And I find the cupcakes amusing, since they're a contributing factor.

I made it!!!! 100 pounds in just over 6 months.  There's no way I could have done this without the surgery.  Before, every time I tried to diet & exercise it all away on my own I ended up just gaining even more, and sabotaging myself in depression.  But because I went ahead and had my guts rearranged and finally found a form of exercise that I enjoy (such a huge difference!) it's finally coming off.  6 pounds to go to my goal weight!!! 

My goal had been to hit my goal weight by my birthday, but I really don't think that's going to happen.  I'm OK with that though.  100 pounds is nothing to sniff at, and I've only got those few left to go.

I've been running into people that knew me "before."  Today it was the lady that used to do my nails, I went back to her.  We were chit-chatting and she kept looking at me funny, and then she finally got this look of realization on her face.  "You've lost weight!!!!"  She was so sweet about it. 

Brian's family was incredible about it, too.  His grandma and aunt both cried when they saw me.  They know everything I've gone through, and they know that I feel like my outside finally matches my inside again.  (I always said that the fat was just padding for the skinny bitch inside!)

This has all been so surreal, though.  I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again.  Yes, at times, it does feel like I'm taking the easy way out.  After all, the only other ones that are going to lose so significantly so fast are the ones on the Biggest Loser, and once they're back in the real world most gain back.  I'm not having to work AS hard as they do physically, and I don't restrict myself as much as they do when it comes to dietary concerns.  But I've made a commitment to my body that I can't take back.  I had a rearranging of the guts that makes it so I can only absorb about 70% of what I take in.  I have to work to get enough protein in.  (Blech, shakes.)  There are times that I DESPERATELY want to eat something, especially if it's chocolatey, but I can't because I know it will make me sick.  If I forget, and I still do sometimes, and eat too fast or take too big bites I get sick.  I'm terrible about not drinking enough water and run a high risk of getting dangerously dehydrated.  This is all something I'll live with for the rest of my life, I can't just change my mind.  Nothing easy about being strapped to the wagon.

It's all been such a gift though.  I do things that I never thought I'd do.  I'm becoming a totally different, and hopefully more pleasant! person.  On the way back from Iowa on Sunday I raced Catey to the restroom at a rest stop...UPHILL.  And I didn't get out of breath.  Yeah, I'm just a little impressed with myself! 

I have a lot to learn, and I'm determined to KEEP it off.  I just hope I can manage to live the rest of my life with the grace and peace that I've been given, and share it.

Wugh.  My thoughts are all over the place tonight...sorry.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Gobble Gobble.

I love you, Maaaannn!!!

Up at the in-laws house, thankful that we're with family this year.  Last year was rough.  We watched the Macy's Parade and I lost it, had to go climb into bed and just have a good cry because Thanksgiving is that big holiday for me.  So this year, being able to spend time with some of the people that I love the most (and some that drive me the craziest!) is such a blessing.  I just wish I could have my folks around, too. 

Going to try to drag my butt out of bed to hit the shops with my sister-in-law in the morning.  I don't do Black Friday, so we'll see how that goes.  Meagan may come home and need a glass of wine at 8 AM.  Hey, it's cocktail hour somehwere, right?

I hope everybody had a great Gobble Gobble day.  I need to go beat my kids into submission and get them to brush their rotting teeth.  (Please don't report me to Child Services, I'm totally half-kidding about beating them.)

Good night!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

This is how bored I am.

I never ever ever do these things.  I ignore them when I get them in emails.  I iz bord.  BORD!  So I'm stealing this from Beth

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. I don't know anybody with the SAME birthday, but my daughter, my sister, and my best friend from high school all have the same birthday...which is my half birthday. 

2. Where was your first kiss? Ew, I think it was behind the church building.  Oooh, wait, no!  My brother's closet, some boy that I can remember what he looks like but not his name, we were 8 and practicing for when we were growed-ups.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No, but my granddad threw my ex-husband's TV down the stairs for made a LOVELY crash all the way down.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?  Just the occasional whacks at Brian, but he's too quick.  Butthead always wins.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yup.  High school choir, high school musicals, worship team at church, college choir, college worship team, and backup for Avery Stafford's first album, LIFT UP YOUR VOICE.  And that's my claim to fame.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Arms.  I love strong arms. 
7. What really turns you off? Arrogance.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Grande Skinny SF Cinnamon Dolce, light whip, brulee sprinkles.  NOM.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Marrying my ex, but it helped me become who I am, I learned a lot about myself, and the whole circumstance led me to Brian so I can't complain too much.  Although I know we would have ended up together anyway.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.  I don't do it anymore.  'Nuff said.

11. Say something totally random about yourself.  I have an addiction to what my sister and I call Trashy Korean Whore Shoes.  These shoes MUST have animal print on them.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? My nickname in HS was Molly Ringwald, so....

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I hear them because they're on, and if I'm in the same room reading I might look up every once in a while.  But in general, pleasegodno!

14. Did you have braces? Nope, I haz purdy teefs.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes, but I could go for my husband being a little taller. He doesn't like when I wear heels, I end up 6'. 
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? He didn't have time to do anything for Valentine's Day because they were in the middle of an exercise, so he stopped on his way home and got a box of X-Men valentine cards.  On each of them he wrote stuff like "To the sexy lady that I love, from the guy that can't keep his hands off of you."  He hid them all over the house, and I got to find them all.  I still have them.  In fact, I think I may pull them out tonight and re-read them.  Otherwise, I tell our friend Josh that he needs to give Brian romance lessons.

17. When do you know its love? When we can fart in the middle of gettin' it on and laugh about it.  Not that I've EVER done that.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Crazy cat lady.  I'm fluent.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? I have SAD, it helps a lot.  I wish I could afford it right now.
20. What magazines do you read? I have a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens that will never die, but I read it every once in a while. I also have a subscription to Food Network Magazine, and I read that cover to cover as soon as I get it.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?  Nope.  I'm po'.
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?  My brother died when he was 18, I was 22.
23. Do you watch MTV?  I don't even know what channel it's on.  Same with VH1.

24. What’s something that really annoys you?  WHINING.  Matt's been driving me nuts.

25. What’s something you really like?  When my kitties climb into my lap and start purring. 

26. Do you like Michael Jackson?  His music is pretty much my life's soundtrack.  I went & saw THIS IS IT, and cried because it brought back so many memories of my brother and some things we went through.

27. Can you dance?  Yes, of course!  Can I dance WELL?  Um, the ballerina hippos in Fantasia are probably more graceful than I am.  But I at least entertain my kids.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? I've gone awake for 36+ hours, can't remember why.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?  Nope. 

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? When I iz bord.  Like NOW.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Me & My Big Mouth

I try really hard to be a positive & kind person.  Sometimes, though, I let the snarky bitch inside get the best of me.  It's worse when I'm bummed or flat out depressed, because I don't realize that I'm letting her take control.

Apparently I've been bitchier & more selfish than I realized.  Yesterday it dawned on me that I hadn't seen a lady that I knew from way back when on FB recently.  I really enjoy her happy posts, she's just a genuinely nice person.  So I checked my friend list, and sure enough, she's not there anymore.  I haven't seen any posts from her since just after Halloween.  As far as I know she's still on FB, because she's still got an account.  I try to not let the snarky bitch show her face too much on FB, and I refrain from the potty mouth there because I have a lot of my old church friends on my FB.  So I'm not sure what I could have said to offend or hurt her so much that she'd un-friend me.  But, apparently I did, and that makes me sad.

This morning I decided I'd un-hide somebody that I had hidden for whatever reason that I can't remember anymore.  When I went to do so, I found that she wasn't on my friend list either.  And she's deleted her FB account.  WAIT!!!!  HA!!! NO, I spelled her name wrong!  Whew, I don't feel HALF as guilty whole point was this, last week I was talking to an old friend that knows this person, and I mentioned that the person is a  I left it at that, though.  So I got all worried that my friend had said something to the person, and that I had hurt her feelings. 

So there really is a tie-in for WLS/obesity with all of this.  (You thought I was just rambling, huh?) 

I've been in a funk lately.  I haven't wanted to go exercise, so I don't.  I eat things that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating.  (Helloooo?  Halloween candy?!  For an RNY patient?!)  I've been snarky and really hard on myself, feeling worthless and truly "non-marketable."  I think a lot of it is stemming from the fact that I'm a people pleaser, and by not getting hired or really even any bites for a job it feels like I'm failing at everything.  And because I can't self-medicate like I used to (delicious high fat foods & baked goods that I'd gorge on until I'd numbed whatever was bothering me) it starts the whole cycle all over again.  And again. And again. This whole FB thing just kind of topped things off, I guess.  With the first person un-friending me it reinforced the idea that I'm doing something wrong, or am not "pleasing."  With thinking that the second person had gotten off of FB because I had said something potentially mean and it had gotten back to her (see how important I am in my world?) it made me realize how...cranky? petty? mean? negative? I've been lately.

Just because we're getting thinner after WLS, it doesn't change who we are.  We may be happier with the circumstances in our life that are dictated by weight, but we may still have to work on being happy with WHO WE ARE, as well.  We ended up obese because we didn't know how to deal with being unhappy with our circumstances or who we are.  If we don't learn healthy ways to deal, and focus on the joys in life rather than what's dragging us down...what's the point?  At some point we'll just start the ugly cycle again. 

So I'm starting over, starting today.  It's time to be positive, to bring joy wherever and to whoever I can, and to realize that *gasp* it's not all about me.  It's time for me to allow myself to be pleased with who I am.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


As post-ops we have to be careful about how much we eat.  It's no longer a matter of "ooooooooooohhhh, mah bellay hurts, I ate too much" and then be done with it.  No way dude, we've gotta COMPLICATE things.

Bandsters generally get what they call the foamies, and PB's (Productive Belching - upchucking chunks).  Amy has some fabulous tales of PB's, quite entertaining.

Not me though.  I get the Slimies.  Most of the time I know what's going to set it off...just eating too much usually does it.  If I'm not paying attention and I'm either eating too fast, bites that are too big, or just too much, I'm done for.  Off to scrub the toilet so I can make the noise of a cat hacking up a hairball.  (Brian finds this greatly amusing.)

A few weeks ago Slimer really took me by surprise.  I had made a roast in the crock pot, and I had figured that since it was so tender that it fell apart, I'd be ok.  Notsomuch.  I didn't think about the fact that the meat fell apart in long fibers.  And it was beef, so no matter how much you chew chew chew, it's still going to ball up at least a bit in your pouch.  Long fibers just make the ball worse.  All it took was one bite, as I was getting the kids' plates dished up.  In less than a minute I realized I was getting that slimy feeling in the back of my throat.  Then it was filling up my mouth, so much that I could almost chew it.  I kept swallowing to try to make it stop, but no go.  Back up it came.

There IS a physiological reason for Slimer.  If you eat something that your pouch isn't able to handle or pass through your body is going to try to provide the lube to get the job done.  Slime.  Once you have enough slime in your pouch it will either lube the food enough to slide through the opening, or it will make it easier to get it back up. 

Thankfully, throwing up isn't the trauma that it was before surgery.  Before, I would have panic attacks if I got sick, I was always afraid of choking on the bile and the grossness of it all was just...ew!  Get it out of my head!  Anyway, for a good long while post-op we don't have bile.  And since the pouch is so small, just some hairball hacking can get whatever is disagreeing out with no problem.  I'm not saying this to encourage bulimia...I'm just saying that since it IS going to happen sometimes, thank goodness it's not the traumatic event that it used to be.

There is, of course, an easy way to avoid all this.  Don't eat things you shouldn't eat!  If your doc or dietitian hasn't cleared you for beef yet, don't eat it. Eat TENDER meat.  You're only getting a little bit, go ahead and get the tenderloin instead of the chuck steak.  Don't overcook it, and don't overcook your chicken or pork.  Take tiny bites. (That's what bites me in the butt the most.)  As obnoxious as it sounds...chew chew CHEW!  The closer your food is to baby food consistency, the fewer problems you'll have.  Most important, pay attention to your pouch.  If it says that it's STARTING to feel full, you've already eaten too much. 

Have a great day, listen to your body, and you'll be free from meeting up with Slimer the Hairball Hacker!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I have snacks that I buy just for me.  Mostly protein bar type stuff, but I have the mom-stash of M&M's hidden in my nightstand drawer, beef jerky...stuff like that.  Two weeks ago I bought a box of Atkin's Caramel Peanut Nougat protein bars, and ate one.  I left the box in the van for my "Oh crap I forgot to eat!" moments. 

Tonight I went and got the box out of the van.  And a bar was missing.


I buy these people I live with PLENTY OF FOOD.  I make them cookies!  I supply them with fresh fruit and veggies that I don't put a limit on!  There's ALWAYS leftovers.  The ONE thing I ask is that they stay out of my mom-stash stuff, because almost all of it is PROTEIN for me, and I NEED MY FRIGGIN' PROTEIN. 

I think I might just cave in and buy a lock-box for my snacks.  MY SNACKS! 

And the best part......the protein bars don't even taste that great.  I hope they get constipated.  *pout*

Friday, November 6, 2009

Random Friday stuff

1.  My heart goes out to the family and friends of the Ft. Hood victims.  I'm sick to my stomach and relieved at the same time that the shooter is alive.  At least justice can be carried out this time.

2.  OFFICIALLY NOT PREGNANT!!  Thank you, God!  I love my children, I love babies, but I just want to borrow babies. 

3.  A friend that I've talked to for a few years via message board has moved to OKC, and she and her family are coming over tonight.  I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED.  She's one of my favorite people on the board.  With a name like Amy she can't be bad, right?  LOL 

4.  Did I mention that I'm looking for a job?  It sucks, I really want to be a SAHM still, and if I could figure out this whole "get paid to blog" thing I'd just do that, but...well...NEED MUNNIES NOW.  One of the jobs I applied for is "Canteen Supervisor" at a correctional facility in a town 30 minutes away.  And, somehow, I'm qualified for it.  They must be desperate.  I'm hoping to get the "Social Services Assistant" job, though, doing transition assistance with members that are getting out of the military.  I think I'd be good at that.  I just REALLY don't want another call center job.

5.  I'm vaguely thinking about writing a book.  My mom is really encouraging me on it, she's always liked my writing.  But that's what moms are supposed to do, right?  I have a title and subject, but that whole "nobody wants to read what I have to say" thing is holding me back.  Besides the fact that I wouldn't have the first clue on how to get published, although technically that's not true because I have some folks at a message board that could point me the right way. 

6.  We seriously need to win the lottery.  I already have planned out exactly how we'd spend and invest, what we'd do, all that fun stuff.  All we need is that winning ticket.

7.  I saw my PA in passing this week, the one that got me started on this whole surgical weight loss thing.  I called out to her and she saw me and looked confused.  I stood up and said, "It's Meagan!" and she just gaped at me.  She didn't recognize me at all.  LOL  Felt great!

8.  This week is the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street.  I loved that show when I was a kid, and....(can you keep a secret?) I still do.  If I knew what channel PBS was on I might even watch it by myself.  Wow.  It was only 7 years old when I was born.  I'm getting oldish. I used to sing a bunch of Sesame Street songs to my kids when they were babies, and my favorite is still Ernie's "I'd Like to Visit the Moon."  The version with Shawn Colvin is still beautiful.  I still get teary eyed when I hear it.  Happy Birthday, Sesame Street!

9.  I really need to clean my office.  Maybe if I do I'll find the inspiration to come in here and start writing my book? 

10.  If we won the lottery, I'd totally hire an organizer to come to my house and get everything in order.  And train my kids on how to be organized.  I'm good at STARTING being organized, but I don't stick to it. 

11.  The loveseat is here in the office right now.  Do I want to keep it in here, or move it back into the living room?

12.  I think I've been really depressed lately.  Probably from the whore-moans being all wacky, with a little bit of current financial circumstances thrown in for good measure.  Think I'm going to have to bump up my Happy Mommy Pills. 

13.  I've been stuck at 169ish pounds for a few weeks now.  After my last cycle I dropped ten pounds in just over a week.  I'm really hoping that happens with this cycle.  If it does I might actually make goal weight by my birthday after all.  At the least I'd like to make goal by my next appointment, December 22nd. 

14.  Bri's been working on an ORI (Operational Readiness Inspection) all week, so he's had to be at work before dawn some days.  This is really jacking with my sleep.  He's noisy when he gets up, and always kisses me goodbye.  Once I'm awake, I'm awake.  Grrrrrr.......  At least he kisses me goodbye.  Un-grrrrr.....

15.  I've been playing a dangerous game this week and telling myself it's OK because it's the PMS.  I've been getting into the Halloween candy.  I love me some fun size Butterfingers.  And if I only eat one (at a time!) I don't get sick.  Problem is I do this several times a day.  Good thing is...Butterfingers are almost gone.  ;)  Thankfully I don't crave chocolate or sugar all the time, I think this week has just been particularly cravey. 

16.  I love watching my cats sleep.  The sprawl is just hilarious.  Yeah, I speak crazy cat lady, fluently.

17.  I think we're going to find a church to start going to, again.  I have nothing nice to wear so it's going to have to be a super casual church (finally there are a few here in OK) but I'm still most comfortable with Church of Christ in some ways.  Then again, because of some things that happened looooooooong ago, I have a hard time trusting the Church of Christ.  I have to tell myself that it was different people, different circumstances.  Anyway, I've been having that feeling in my heart that I just really need to get back to church.  I miss it.

18.  I need some nicer clothes.  For work and for church.  Back in September I gave away an entire wardrobe of business casual clothes and haven't been able to replace anything.  I don't even have a nice pair of pants, just jeans.  And it's one of those, "I need a job so I can get some decent clothes, but can't get decent clothes until I have a job" type things.  ERGH. 

19.  Lottery.

20.  Lottery.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This is what I get for joking that I want another baby.

Because I DON'T want another baby.  We took measures to be sure that we WON'T be having more babies.  The three we've got right now do JUST GREAT driving me crazy, they don't need any more help.

Back in July I had a crazy menstrual cycle.  Lots of clotting, super gross, I ended up in the ER.  I think I blogged about it, because...well...I blog about everything.  Anywhoozle...since then my cycles have been fine.  Maybe a little bit lighter and shorter in duration, but still REGULAR. 

Now I'm about a week late.  I had a few PMS symptoms last week, mostly really sore breasts and craving chocolate.  But I never started my period.  My breasts started getting sore again last night, and I had some really light (as in "am I imagining this?") spotting last night, but it's gone today.  And I'm so freakin' tired.  Then again, that could be from the time change and probably being a bit anemic since I'm out of my iron supplement. 

Here's the thing.  I've peed on a stick TWICE now, and I think I might again tomorrow.  One of my friends online has told me that I need to get some white pants and spend $20 on pregnancy tests and THAT will start my period. LOL 

I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Like...90% sure.  And that 10% scares the crap out of me.  It's really not healthy to get pregnant so soon after weight loss surgery, and every single surgeon will advise against it.  Your body is already working so hard at losing the weight and then it gets all confused because it has to work even harder to grow a new life.  (Your body works as hard to grow a baby as it would to climb a mountain.  Didja know that?)

I've been looking up articles online and most of the studies I've seen reference menstrual cycles becoming MORE regular after weight loss.  I haven't found a single one that mentions a missed cycle.  And while I have lost a lot of weight fairly quickly, it's been a steady loss and it's not an unhealthy loss to where I'm underweight.  Amenorrhea just doesn't make sense to me, in this situation. 

Brian had a vasectomy, six years ago.  (In fact, the day I was supposed to start my cycle was the anniversary. LOL)  So like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I'm still freaking out.  I think I'm going to go call Sarah, Dr. G's nurse. 

Beth & Shelly, I could use your input on this!!!

Deep Zumba thoughts

When I'm bouncing and shaking my stuff at Zumba, I'm also thinking really deep thoughts.  And by deep I mean a lot of them start with "Dude!"  Super deep, right?  I really amuse myself with my deep thoughts, and every once in a while I might even get a little profound.  OK, not often, but still...

* Dude!  I just bought these pants two weeks ago!  Don't fall off already!

*  Look at all those husbands watching us.  Wusses.  Get yer butts in here, you can DOOOO iiiit!!! 

*  No more coffee for Joan.  NO MORE!  (Joan is my favorite instructor, and I swear she was on speed yesterday.  The good kind!)

*  Huh.  Why are people watching me to keep up?  I'm watching that chick up there, SHE's keeping up with Joanie!  Oh wait, I guess I am too.  COOL!  People are actually watching ME to keep up!!  Who'da thunk it?

*  Crap, my water is gone.  Bigger bottle next time!

*  Ooooh, yay!  My favorite song!  BOOM BOOM!

* More spins!  Pick a spot to focus on so you don't get dizzy.  Who am I kidding?  I'll get dizzy anyway.

*  Dude!  I just did the salsa-kicky-thing almost right!  Suh-weet!

*  Chicken dance?  Really?  I can't do that by itself without falling over, how am I supposed to do it and swing my hips at the same time?  Nah-nah-nah-nah-nuh-nuh-nuh....

*  Move feet!  Quit tripping me!

*  Hey, Halloween is over!  Why do I still have batwings?  Good thing there's nobody behind me, they might get smacked by flying flesh.

*  Dude!  I can see my collar bones!  I'm still shocked every time...

*  HOW is that woman not breaking a sweat?  She's keeping up just as well as everybody else.  Dang, if she weren't so cute I'd have to hate her.

*  Why do women bother getting all prettied up with full makeup to go work out?  Doesn't it feel like a mask sliding off once you start sweating?  EW.

*  More water!  I think I've sweated it all out.  I smell like I did!

*  I wonder if the sno-cone place is still open?  Mmmmmmmmm.......snooooooowwwwwcoooonnne....

*  More husbands watching.  Dude, they look jealous that we can Zumba and they think they can't. 

*  Wish I could get Brian to Zumba.  He won the motorcycle battle, I should be able to get his ass in here, to at least try it once.

*  I want to be a Zumba instructor when I grow up.  Too bad I'd fall on my face in front of everybody.  "THAT WASN'T PART OF IT!!!" 

*  Classic Rock Zumba would be freakin' awesome.  Queen!  Bowie!  The Who!  Zepplin!  The Doors!  AC/DC!!!!! 

OK, so that was just a smidge....maybe someday I'll grace you with more Zumba thoughts...LOL

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Let's Get Some Shoes, Betch!

This is my sister's an my favorite video on YouTube.  I'm all about the shoes, betch.  Now you can be too.  Oprah has posted a 50% off coupon for full purchases at Payless, but it ends on the 30th.  I hope I have time to get to the store!!  I REALLY hope it doesn't turn into another KFC debacle.

And coupon....

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Suh-WWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!  According to FINDMYBMI.COM I am finally of AVERAGE weight.  This is different from the Obesity Help BMI calculator, it says I have 4 or 5 pounds to go, but it also only takes into consideration height and weight.  FINDMYBMI.COM takes height, weight, age, and gender, so I think that one is a bit more complete.  I DIG!!!! 

I also recently joined  AWESOME site.  It's from Johnson&Johnson, the company that brings us the Realize band, but they've opened it to just about all weight loss surgery patients.  So if you've had LapBand or RNY, you can join.  It's got some incredible features.  Lots of goodies on the home page, a MyProgress tab (stats, goals, pics, "theNewMe"), MyPersonalPlan tab (reminders, appointments, nutrition, temptations, success strategies, support team), MyNutrition (Food diary, recipes), MyFitness (diary & plan), and a search and share tab.  I'm just now getting in to it, but it looks like the best of all the "health" sites I've joined.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, best of all....EET EEES FREE.  My favorite word.  (Along with AVERAGE. Hehehe)  The virtual model is really fun.  I think the best feature of all, though, is that almost all of the bariatric surgeons in the US are connected to this, so they can check & see how we're doing.  (OK, sometimes that's a bad thing, but usually good!)

Friday, October 23, 2009

In a funk and want to eat.

I'm irritated with my husband and my sewing machine, in that order.  I've been asking him to watch a movie with me for over a week now, and it's clear he won't.  OK, fine whatever.  I'm stupidly irritated, but it's a deeper issue than just the movie and I know it.  Get over it, Meagan.  As far as the sewing machine, I paid $60 a few weeks ago to get a tune up and replace the bobbin winder belt. bobbin winder doesn't work AGAIN!  And I'm trying to make a curtain for my friend's classroom.  GRRR....

Anyway...point of all this is that I really want to go digging in the kitchen.  Or in my nightstand for those M&M's.  I'm not hungry, I know it's emotional.  I had a protein shake for breakfast/lunch, coffee later in the day, some Triscuits with cheese as a snack (lesson learned about Triscuits, HOLY BLOATY), tortilla chips with cheese and salsa for another snack, taco soup for dinner, and a SF ice cream bar for dessert.  I'm nowhere NEAR hungry.  And I'm overloaded on carbs for today between the triscuits and the tortilla chips.  But I still want to crunch.  Like Dortios.  Thank God we don't have any in the house. 

OK....water.....drink water and go to bed and read.  Maybe pop an extra Wellbutrin? 

(It's really good I don't have wine in the house right now....I WOULD be drinking it.)

Thursday, October 22, 2009


What a great word!  SABOTAGE.  It makes me think of spies, bad guys, intentional chaos, loss of control, and FAMILY.

My dear friend Amy was talking about how her mom doesn't intend to sabotage her weight loss.   And I'm sure she doesn't.  But inevitably, the people we depend on most for support will inevitably end up sabotaging our efforts at one point or another.  Sometimes it might even end up as self-sabotage.  We might go visit the folks and they'll have their normal junk food in the house.  That Oreo looks so good!  It won't hurt to have just one!  But that one turns into another one half an hour later, and before we know it we've eaten half a package of Oreos in a single day.   Or a whole bag of chips.  Or that bag of M&M's that's in my nightstand drawer.  (Don't tell the kids!  That's MOM'S stash!)

Sometimes we don't think about the fact that we're putting excess calories and fat into our mouths, and where it's going.  We may be eating and grazing because we're bored.  It may be because the people we're around cause us stress and eating is our soothing mechanism.  It may be just because it's what everybody else is doing.  We MUST think about every single thing we put in our mouths, and why we're doing it.  We made the choice to have a body modification to help us lose weight, but (I hate saying this) it's just a tool.  If we're making the choice to eat the crap then WHY have weight loss surgery? 

What are your junk addictions that you're having a hard time putting away?  Why do you think it's so difficult to put it aside and turn it away when it's screaming in your face?  What can you do to deal with those addictions?

The holidays are coming up faster than I care to think of, and for a lot of people it's a stressful time.  We'll be gathering with family and carrying on traditions that have gone on for generations.  Inevitably, those traditions are going to center on food.  One of the most important things I've learned since having surgery is that a family gathering is about the time we spend together as a family, it's not about the food.  I don't have to sample every single thing that's out on the table just because it's there.  Not only will people not care if I don't eat it, they likely won't even notice because we're so busy just spending good time together. 

What about those people that DO notice, though?  The ones that are pushy and want you to eat more?  It depends...Are you open with your family about your surgery and weight loss?  Tell them that your tummy only gives you "Iiiiiiitty bitty living space!" and "Thanks, but I'm really just not hungry."  Still pushing?  Give them FACTS.  Your stomach, fully stretched to capacity, only allows you to hold 1/4 to 3/4 cup of food.  Because of this you have to be selective about your food choices and need to get good filling proteins in first, then veggies.  That doesn't leave room for much of anything else.  You might choose to have a bite or two of pumpkin pie later on (if you know your tummy can handle it) but for right now, thanks but no thanks.

If you're not sharing your weight loss with your family and they start noticing that you're eating less, and maybe start pushing you to eat more...there's still nothing wrong with saying no.  Maybe "Thanks, but I'm working on living healthier."  DON'T pretend to eat more, because you WILL eat more.  You don't have to be honest with the people around you about your surgery, but you DO have a responsibility to be honest with YOURSELF. 

So back to the issue of family or friends bringing crap around you when you're not sure you can refrain from it.  It's really hard to speak up, especially when you don't want to point out THEIR eating issues.  I firmly believe,  though, that the best gift we can give ourselves and our families is our gentle honesty.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with sitting a family member down and making a point of having a discussion.  Explain that while you respect their choice to eat what they want it's difficult for you to not eat those things when that person is around.  It's a habit to share those foods with that person, and food habits are the oldest habits most of us have, and are the hardest to break.  You want to continue spending time with that person, but it would be so helpful to YOU if they'd not bring the snack junk around you.  Who knows, maybe you can put your heads together and come up with some healthier choices to snack on?  (Mmm....homemade hummus and veggies!)  I think my biggest point, really, is that we need to speak up for ourselves. 

Think about everything you're putting in your mouth.  Do you need it or do you want it?  Are you going to regret it later?  Why do you want it?  Is it an emotional or physical craving?  Can you stop yourself at one cookie, one chip, one sip?  Do you want it just because it's a habit?  Be honest with yourself!

Thumbs up!!  When people question why I'm eating so slowly or leaving so much on my plate I show them my thumb.  "This is how big my stomach is.  Iiiiiiiiitty bitty living space!!!"  Sometimes a simple explanation is the best.

Quality, not quantity.  Enjoy the family you're with.  You might even have MORE fun without that loaded plate in hand.

Be honest with yourself and those around you.  You can be honest with somebody and not tell them the full truth. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I CAN....

I can lean over to tie my shoes.  And the tie is on top, not the side, of the shoe.

I can go hard on the elliptical for more than two miles and barely break a sweat.

I can lean over and hold my ankles, and my boobs touch my knees.  Not because of gravity, either!

I can do the dishes without incredible back pain.  Just don't tell my daughter!

I can last 400 miles on the back of my husband's motorcycle. 

I can wear boots and not have to worry about getting a size bigger to fit my calves.

I can jump onto my husband and have him hold me and not worry about hurting him.

I can get into my van with the door barely opened (thanks to the person that parked way too close to me) and not have to squeeze in.

I can say hello to my neighbor and have her give me a "who the hell are you?!" look because she doesn't recognize me.

I can catch my 10 year old when she runs away from me.

I can work in my garden without back pain.

I can keep up with my husband when we're walking somewhere.

I can look in the mirror and believe that I am smaller than the average American woman.  (Wow, that sounds arrogant!)

I can have a few bites of chocolate or ice cream and be able to push them away before I eat so much that I get sick.

I can spend time with family in a food centered situation and realize that it's not about the food, it's about the family.

I can do naughty things with my husband that he says are none of your business!!! 

I can dance and Zumba my cares away and not feel like a cow tripping around about to land on somebody.

I can shop in the "regular" misses section.  Still automatically going to the plus section, but then I realize I'm in the wrong place!

I can shop in "normal" stores!  Gap! Eddie Bauer!  Banana Republic! American Eagle! Victoria's Secret!  (OK, so I haven't shopped at Vicky's yet, but I'll be hitting that next payday.  I want perky boobs!)

I can sit in my van and not overflow the driver's seat. 

I can sit in my jacuzzi bathtub and have four inches to spare on each side of me.

I can fit in the flapper Halloween costume that I wore the first Halloween that Brian and I were together, before I found out I was pregnant with Bethany.  (Hm, might wear that this Halloween!)

I can wear high heels without pain.  I can even walk through downtown in heels without killing myself.  I can even DANCE in high heels.

I can stand face to face with my husband and kiss him, and not have to reach to do it.

I can cuddle with my husband and have his arms wrapped all the way around me, not just reaching.

I can mow the front yard without feeling like I'm going to fall over and die.  I still break out in hives, but I don't fall over and die.

I can climb up to the top bunk on my girls' bed and not feel like I'm going to come crashing down on my 12 year old.

I can carry two heavy bags of groceries out to the van from the store and not drop them.

I can carry things in front of me, instead of having to prop them on my hip because my stomach is in the way.

I can cross my legs like a LADY.

I can stand with my arms hanging down to my sides, instead of sticking out like an ape.  OK, they stick out a little bit, but that's because of my boobs.

I can look down and not have three chins. 

I can tilt my head downward and not have two chins.

I can look at a picture of myself and see a difference.

I can be proud of what I've accomplished so far.

I can have faith in myself that I WILL lose the last 20 pounds.

I can have faith in myself that I will keep the weight off for the rest of my life.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I spend too much time thinking about this...

I'm down to 169 by my scale today.  And I like my scale so that's the number I'm going with.  So, OCD freak that I am, I figured out that if I lose an average of 3 pounds a week I WILL MAKE GOAL WEIGHT BY MY BIRTHDAY. 

Starting Monday my butt will be back in the gym, I don't care if I'm still not feeling well.  I WILL make it by my birthday.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I just applied for the Ambush Makeover on the Today Show...

I sent them the pics that are below and told them about how I've "undergrown" my clothes, and now when I go shopping I have to send text pics to my friends to get the OK for what I'm trying on.  I have no clue how to dress myself anymore!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Feel Yourself Up and Get to Know Your New Boobies

After WLS EVERYTHING changes...and I do mean everything.  Even the tissues in our breasts can change.  This morning I was feelin' myself up in the shower (aka doing my breast exam) and I kind of freaked myself out for a moment. 

I felt lumps. 

OK, I admit, it scared the shit out of me. 

Then I realized, "Heeeeeeeeeey, those are my RIBS!!!!"

Feel yourself up frequently as your body changes, so you can recognize what lumps, bumps, and bones SHOULD be there. 

Monday, October 12, 2009

By the way....

Bought two pair of size 10 jeans this weekend.  Yeah baby!!!  Down 85 pounds, 23 to go.

Size 22, 258 pounds the                                           173 pounds, 85 pounds down,
night before surgery.                                                      23 to go.

Gastric Bypass Makes for a CHEAP Date

Brian and I are hoping to have a nice date night this weekend.  If we do, we'll hit a steakhouse that offers a surf & turf dinner.  He'll have the steak, prepared the way I like it so I can have a bite or three, and I get the lobster/shrimp/fish/whateveritisbecauseIloveseafood.  (Because it's all about me, right?)  On top of that, though, I'm going to have WINE.  I'll only need about half a glass to have a grand old time, though.

I love wine.  I started getting into wine about two years ago, but back then I preferred sweet wines.  I wasn't all that big on reds unless they were dessertish.  I preferred a nice fruity pinot over a chardonnay.  Notsomuch anymore.  Now I'm all about the dry.  I think it's because I don't care for sweet as much on anything anymore.  I had a glass of Fat Bastard Cabernet Sauvignon last week that made me just want to climb on the roof like in those Dunkin' Donuts coffee commercials, though.  "I love this wine!!!"

The great part, though, is that it only takes about half a glass to give me a nice buzz.  Let me state for the record right now, I DO NOT DRINK TO GET DRUNK, I DO NOT LIKE TO BE DRUNK.  My dad is an alcoholic and I won't put my kids through what I went through.  I do, however, enjoy a glass once a month or so (more often in the last few weeks, maybe once or twice a week in the last three weeks).  Half a glass is enough to get me good & giggly and appreciative of my incredibly handsome husband.  (Sigh...isn't he gorgeous?)

Here's the thing...because we've had so much of our stomach removed, the wine is going directly to our small intestine where it's immediately absorbed into the bloodstream.  In a normal stomach it would take as much as twenty  to thirty minutes to start to metabolize into the system, and because metabolization would start IN the stomach, there's be less to absorb through the intestines, and it would take more for the buzz to hit.  Now, with the immediate absorption, it only takes a good two ounces or so to get us legally drunk.  Granted, it's going to go THROUGH us faster, but it hits us harder and faster too. 

Talk to your doctor before you start drinking again.  ESPECIALLY if you think you may have addiction transfer issues.  If you do, then avoid it altogether, it's not worth the heartache of what you'd do to your family were you to allow that monkey on your back.  If you and your doctor decide that it IS OK, enjoy in moderation, take it slow, and know that a bottle of wine tastes just as beautiful a few nights later as it does the night you open it. 

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Be jealous, I know I would be!!

Chef Dave is coming to OKC, and he's going to talk to us about cooking for the family post-surgery.  I believe he'll be preparing a recipe and bringing cookbooks for sale as well.  I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!  Don't know who Chef Dave is?  SHAME ON YOU!  No, not really, but you should get to know him.  He's all neato & stuff.  Clicky the linky up top, or to go to his site, clicky HERE

He'll be at the Integris Baptist Support Group in the main auditorium, Tuesday October 20, 6:30 to 8 PM.  If you're local, PLEASE join us.  If you're not, hop on a plane!  I've got plenty of floorspace for a campout!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Gee, ya think?


I used to drink up to 8 sodas a day.  In high school my nickname was C.C, as I got through the day on a 6 pack of Cherry Coke and Cherry Pop-Tarts.  (As skinny as I was, I can only wonder what I would have looked like had I eaten HEALTHY.)  At my worst I worked my way through a case of soda in two days.  Unfortunately, this is fairly standard with Americans.

A teaspoon of sugar weighs 4.2 grams, and there's approximately 39 grams of sugar in one 12 oz can of soda.  That works out to just over 9 teaspoons of sugar per can.  At 8 12 oz sodas a day, I was consuming just over 74 teaspoons of sugar a day.  One cup is 48 teaspoons.  That's over a 1 1/2 cups of sugar a day, JUST IN THE LIQUID I WAS CONSUMING.  Not including the crap I was eating.

In all reality, I did have a fairly healthy diet when it came to my regular meals.  It was my snacking that was getting me in trouble, all of my snacks were either sugary or loaded with corn syrup as a stabilizer/preservative.  I'm sure that between my soda intake and the junk I was getting over two cups of sugar a day.  I can't believe I didn't end up diabetic earlier than I did.

Now here's my biggest issue in all of prior diet/habits are STANDARD for most American kids.  Their parents choose to feed their kids crap, because theoretically it's cheaper than eating healthy.  Or they don't want to hear their kids whining for the crap, so they shut them up by stuffing their faces.  It sickens me to see a two year old with a huge can of soda, and the mom thinking nothing of it.  And parents just can't figure out why their kids are fat.

Through all of my terrible habits, I am glad to say that I was pretty selfish about it.  I didn't allow my kids to have soda except on special occasions, and snacks consisted of cheese, fruit, and whole grain crackers.  (At least I tried to.  Sometimes I did let them have some crap, but it was rare.)  Good habits start early, bad habits start even earlier.  I'm praying that I didn't pass my food issues on to my kids.  If I did, I really hope that I can help them understand what lies beneath these habits, and teach them about being HEALTHY.

Give yourself credit!!

At the ball last week I saw my surgeon, and he hadn't seen me in a while.  Nice guy that he is, he told me I looked great.  I gave him a big hug and told him, "This is thanks to you, you know!!"

He said, "I know."  Rather smugly...

That's when it hit me.  Yes, he is a wonderful surgeon, but he did a TWO HOUR procedure on my guts.  I AM THE ONE THAT IS PUTTING IN ALL THE WORK.    It's up to me to make the right food choices, to exercise, and to seek support when I need it. I truly appreciate that he's given me the physical ability to finally lose the weight so my outside can match my inside, but I didn't realize until that night that I need to give myself credit for what I'm doing.

I'm not just doing this for myself.  I'm doing this for my husband and my kids.  But I AM THE ONE THAT'S DOING IT. 

Saturday, October 3, 2009

We're saving second base!!!!!

I went to a TWO HOUR LONG Zumba-thon tonight, and we raised OVER $1700 FOR A TEAM WALKING IN THE DALLAS 3-DAY WALK FOR THE CURE!!!!!  I'm so stinkin' happy and proud that I'm almost crying.  We also raised an additional $400 in T-shirt sales.  Yay for healthy knockers!!!! 

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Old Fashioned Strawberry Milkshake

Mmmmmm......I thought I was in an old fashioned ice cream shop!

2/3 c frozen sliced strawberries
1/2ish cup water
1 serving Strawberry Blast Chike protein powder

Buzz it up really well in your blender, and feel like you're drinking something naughty.  FOUR NOMS.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

MMMMMMMMMM.....proteiny goodness!!!

FINALLY!!!!  A protein supplement that DOESN'T make me want to puke my guts out!!

I contacted the folks at Chike and asked for some samples for my support group, and holy cow did they come through.  Each sample comes in half portion measures, just right for testing out.  Each measure is to be mixed into four ounces of water.

The nutrition info for each flavor:

Nutritional Facts:

Chocolate Bliss
Strawberry Burst
Orange Creme
Banana Magic
Very Vanilla

2 Scoops
3 Scoops
2 Scoops
3 Scoops
2 Scoops
3 Scoops
2 Scoops
3 Scoops
2 Scoops
3 Scoops
Amount per Serving
Calories from Fat
Percent Daily Value

Total Fat 4g*
Saturated Fat 1g
Trans Fat 0g

Cholesterol 15mg
Sodium 210mg
Potassium 240mg
Total Carbohydrate 11g
Dietary Fiber 3g
Sugars 3g

Protein 28g
INGREDIENTS: Whey protein isolate, whey protein concentrate, natural and artificial flavor (includes annatto and turmeric added for color), soy protein isolate, sunflower oil, maltodextrin, polydextrose, corn syrup solids, magnesium phosphate, cellulose gum, soy lecithin, dextrose, sodium caseinate, salt, mono- and diglycerides, potassium phosphate, calcium phosphate, sucralose, medium chain triglycerides, acesulfame K, ascorbic acid, zinc sulfate, alpha¬tocopherol acetate, tocopherols added to protect flavor, niacinamide, L-selenomethionine, reduced iron, calcium pantothenate, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate, vitamin A palmitate, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin, thiamine mononitrate, folic acid, chromium chloride, biotin, potassium iodide, sodium molybdate, phytonadione, vitamin 03, vitamin B12.

OK, so I don't love that you have to use so many scoops to get a full serving of protein, but then again it does help reduce the thick milky feeling that so many protein supps have.  It also gives you the option of having just a snack instead of a full meal replacement.

Tastewise....IS NOM!!!  So far I've only tried the Chocolate, Very Vanilla, and Banana.  I'll be getting into the Strawberry and Orange Creme today.  The chocolate and vanilla are both divine.  The Banana tastes like the yummy banana pudding from childhood, that should ALWAYS be scooped up with Nilla wafers. Creamy, thick but not overly so, and don't leave that "GAAAAAAG I just drank curdled milk!" feeling.  It fills you up nicely without sitting heavily in your stomach.  And they blend up with ice PERFECTLY, without getting foamy.  I also really like that you don't have to use milk to blend it. When blended with room temp tap water it mixed up great, no lumps at all.  (Nobody loves a lumpy protein!)  This would be great for tossing into a formula container for a take-along.  I'll be blending with cold water today to check for "cold-blend-ability."

This is going to be great for using in my own shake recipes and drinks.  I did try the vanilla in my coffee one day...oops, it was too hot!  If you want to use it as a powdered creamer LET YOUR COFFEE COOL FOR A FEW MINUTES FIRST or you'll have scrambled coffee.  I tried it again the right way...GOOD STUFF.  I'll post a few ideas at the end...

It IS a little pricey, but I'm learning that good protein is worth spending money on.  For a 1.59 lb tub with 15 servings it's $26.50.  BUT WAIT!!!!  I have a discount code for you!!! YOU can pay just 22.53 with my 15% discount code, keeler15.  And really, who doesn't love saving money?  With the discount code that works out to $1.50 per serving.  And because it IS a whey protein isolate, you're getting high quality absorbability.

All in all, I give it...FOUR NOMS.  

Contact the folks at Chike, and get some proteiny goodness.  You won't regret it!!

Shake ideas:


1 serving CHIKE Chocolate protein supplement
1 tbsp JIF Natural peanut butter
1/2 banana
1 cup crushed ice
1/2 cup water

Buzz in the blender until smooth & creamy.

Peach Pie

1 serving CHIKE Very Vanilla protein supplement
4-6 slices frozen peach  (yes, frozen works better)
dash of cinnamon (I love love love Pampered Chef Cinnamon Plus)
1/2 cup ice
1/2 cup water

Buzz in the blender until smooth & creamy.

Banana Cream Pie Shake (like Sonic used to make!)

1 serving CHIKE Banana protein supplement
2 tbsp fat free half & half
1 tbsp banana or vanilla sugar free pudding mix
1/2 cup ice
1/2 cup water
2 Murray sugar free vanilla wafers, crushed
a good squirt of Whipped Cream from the can

Buzz up everything BUT the wafers & whipped cream until smooth & creamy, add in the wafers for just a quick pulse.  Top off with some whipped cream just before serving

Later on today I'll be making myself a Peppermint Mocha Frappucino

1 serving CHIKE Chocolate protein supplement
1 cup strong, cold coffee
1 cup crushed ice
Whipped cream to top

Take a wild guess on what to do...

That's just a few ideas for now.  Some friends have been asking for protein shake recipes, so I'll be posting those over the next few days.  I meant to do it last week....but...well, you know me.  I put off procrastinating!!

Have a beautiful day!!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A WOW moment...for my husband.

After bariatric surgery we start having our WOW moments.  Sometimes it's a moment when we see ourselves in a mirror and don't recognize ourselves.  Other times it may be the fact that we can do something that we never would have done before surgery.  Last night my WOW moment was actually my husband's, and it put a huge grin on my face for the rest of the night.

We went to the Ball from Obesity last night, and hadn't yet showed Brian my dress.  I wanted him to get the full effect.  So I was finally ready to go and came out of the bedroom just as Brian was talking to a friend on the phone.  My husband went speechless for a few moments, his jaw dropped, and he just got this great smile on his face.  I have never felt so beautiful or sexy in my life as I did in that moment.  And he made me feel that way over and over again through the night, as we danced and had a fabulous time.  He danced with me more last night than he did at our wedding!

I also had a little moment of clarity last night.  (I can hear the snickers, shut it! LOL)  At the Ball some of my tablemates and I were talking about how easily the weight comes off after surgery, and all of the wonderful ways our lives have changed.  As I've said here before, bariatric surgery is certainly NOT an easy way out of obesity.  But the comments really got me thinking.  So much of this seems easy, with the way the weight is melting off.  Then my clarity...Bariatric surgery isn't an easy way out, it makes what was once impossible POSSIBLE.  It's made aspects of my life easier, but it's something I work at every day, either by taking the time to exercise, being careful about my food intake so I don't get sick, making sure I get enough protein...  It just feels easy, because my life has improved so greatly.

I'm so thankful that I had surgery.  I'm not a different person, and I'm definitely shrinking in stature.  But the best parts of me are bigger and better than ever.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Ball from Obesity

We can't do the Walk on Saturday morning because Brian has to coach Matt's football game (BTW, little 5 & 6 year old boys playing football = CUTEST THING ON EARTH!!!).  BUUUUUUUUT, we're going to the Ball from Obesity that night.  It's a last minute thing, we weren't going to go because we be broke, but my sugreon's office very generously "had to give away some tickets," so we get to go after all. 

So of course I HAD to get a new dress, because I got rid of all my fat clothes.  And guess what guess what GUESSWHAT....

I bought a size 10. 

Holy crapoly!  Has vanity sizing really gone that much bigger?  Because I didn't even wear a 10 in high school.  I forgot to do the sit-down test in it, but I don't think it will be that bad.  At least, I hope. 

I've gone from a 26 at my biggest, to a 10.  And I still have 33 pounds to lose. 

Wanna see the dress?

Can't find the shoes online, I'll have to get a pic of them later.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Brian is in Vegas right now...

He'll get home on Friday, and I can't wait.  In the meantime, though, he really needs to hit the casino and win me some money.  I've decided that I want my own motorcycle!!  I've been parousing, and I'm back & forth between a V-Star and a Vulcan Nomad.  'Cause I'm all badass now, apparently. LOL 

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Protein first...

I've really been neglecting the "Protein first" rule, and had been doing "caffeine first" instead.  Sooooo...starting today I'm back to protein first.  I'm making myself have some sort of protein beverage BEFORE coffee every day.  My goal is to get 70 grams of GOOD protein every day (Goldfish crackers just don't cut it, even if they do have 4 grams of protein per serving.  And yes, I got excited over that.), so the earlier in the day that I start...the better. 

Today I'm having a Pumpkin shake for breakfast.  It really reminds me of those awesome pumpkin pie shakes that I used to get at Dairy Queen EVERY FREAKIN' DAY when I was in high school.  I got the recipe from Beth's site.  NOM NOM NOM.  I added a touch of Pampered Chef's Cinnamon Plus, and it's purrrrfect.  NOM. 

And did you know that pumpkin has a TON of Vitamin C, which helps you absorb iron?  Good stuff, Maynard.

Friday, September 11, 2009

OK, I think I've found a cut that I like... (AKA, pic of unknown lady on my blog)

Whatchoo think?  That's how thick my hair USED to be, and I don't think I'd wear it down over my forehead like that (oil slick much?) but that's about the length that I want.  Brian's gonna haaaaaaaaaaate it. LOL

Even as short as it is, it's still pretty versatile.  And I can even spike it when I'm feeling like a badass.  Fauxhawk anybody?  

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I made the conscious decision to eat ice cream.  Real ice cream, full fat, full sugar, my best buddies Ben and Jerry.  I'm on the edge of losing my shit and I chose to self medicate with the number one thing that made me fat to begin with. 

Of course, it didn't make me feel better.  It didn't numb me like it used to.  Instead, I want to cry even more because I'm so aware of the choice that I made.  It's not like it was even an "OOPS, I started out with a full pint, it's all gone now!" 

Granted, I didn't eat the entire pint this time.  I don't think I even had a full serving, maybe a quarter cup, at most.  It's the fact that I chose to risk dumping.  I turned to my entrapment to deal with my emotions and still wasn't able to deal with them because I sat there pissed off at myself for having the spoon in one hand and the pint in the other.  I was pissed because there wasn't an immediate solution to what I was stressing about, and the kids were running around being sneaky and I lost my shit.  Brian, my best friend and the person I love most in the world, left this morning for two weeks so I couldn't even go to him for support.  I'm spoiled by having him around all the time (fuck...I hate crying...) and even though he can't make it better, he at least makes me FEEL better. 

I HAVE to find a different release.  I HAVE to get back to exercising, that was helping immensely.  But I have to find something for when going to the gym isn't feasible.  (Killing a bottle of wine by myself probably isn't such a great choice either.)

Fuck, I hate this.  I hate that I chose to eat it.  I hate that I've been choosing to eat crap for the last few weeks and haven't been working on my protein like I should.  I'm so angry at myself, and I end up taking it out on everybody else because I turn into a raging bitch, and then I get even more angry at myself. 

So now I'm wallowing...and I've got bubble gut.  So far no actual dumping symptoms, but I think I'm going to get a big glass of water and try to get the poison to wash through my system faster, maybe turn on some CD's and light some candles in the bathroom.

I want Brian home.  :(  Ben & Jerry don't remotely compare to him...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Don't tell Brian, but I'm thinking of getting my hair cut.  Short.  Like Beth's.  He hates short hair on me, and doesn't want me cutting it shorter than my chin.  But I'm losing so much hair right now, and it's making me insane. 

I've got until the 15th to decide.  I have a coupon for a $30 wash, cut, & style at Ulta, so I figured I'd use it.  I need SOMETHING done.  I think I'm going to get some Nioxin shampoo, too, and see if it actually works.  Otherwise I may very well be the first person to ever go bald from post-surgical protein loss. 

HELP ME FIND GOOD HAIR!!  If not something as short as Beth's, something CUTE.  All I ever end up with is a variation on a bob, and I'm sick of it. 

Monday, September 7, 2009

So proud of myself.

I just got down about 18 grams of FOOD protein.  I had a scrambled egg and two slices of ham.  If you know me, you know that's BIG.  I have a hard time getting down enough protein.

My goal is to start getting down 70 grams of protein a day.  That's up from the 30-40 that I usually get on a really good day.  This means I'm going to have to REALLY start getting serious about the protein drinks.  Whiiiiiich can be a problem, because I still have issues with milkiness.  I thought it was because of the intense heat this summer, but it's not.  I just can't do milky anymore.  I even tried Muscle Milk, which is supposed to be one of the easier ones to get down, and I just can't do it.  PUKE. 

I can, however, do Nectar.  The only one I've tried so far is the Roadside Lemonade, but it's really good.  On it's own it's kind of flat and missing the acidity that makes real lemonade so good, but it's GREAT mixed in a Chick-Fil-A diet lemonade, or with a packet of Ocean Spray Cran-Lemonade.  That's my favorite.  Only do one scoop servings, as opposed to the suggested two scoops, though.  One scoop is 23 grams of protein, which is just right for a post-WLS patient.  Any more and your body wouldn't be able to absorb it.  Kind of a waste, considering how expensive protein supplements can be!!! 

I have GOT to get my protein up, though.  My post-surgery hair loss started a few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, and it's terrible.  I know that the fact that I'm not getting enough protein doesn't help, either.  I also need to start taking a zinc supplement.  Did you know that it's protein, calcium, AND zinc that you need in order to keep your hair?  I'm only 33, and I've heard that hair plugs don't work so well on women, so I need to do something!  :)

Thursday, September 3, 2009


We are a family that loves soup.  I think I've only ever made one soup they didn't like, and that was a split pea.  I wasn't too fond of it either, for that matter.  In fall, when it starts cooling off, we usually have soup once or twice a week.  It's cheap, it goes far, and it's so incredibly comforting.

So a few days ago I was watching my CrackTV (also known as Food Network) and Ina Garten made a lentil sausage soup.  It looked divine!!!  Of course I had to make it!

So now it's simmering away on the stovetop, and I can't wait until we get back from football practice so we can dig in.

Here's the recipe.  Take note that it makes SIX FRIGGIN QUARTS, you might want to cut it in half.  I just used the recipe as a guideline, did my own measurements.  Enjoy!!!

Oh yeah, and one of these days I'll post the recipe for DADDY Soup.  BEST SOUP EVER, and the way Brian makes it only comes out to 4 WW points for a huge bowl.  GOOD STUFF, MAYNARD.

And just for the record, it came out ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.  One of the best soups I've ever made.  The only person that didn't like it was Brian...and...well...there's just something wrong with him.