Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Gobble Gobble.

I love you, Maaaannn!!!

Up at the in-laws house, thankful that we're with family this year.  Last year was rough.  We watched the Macy's Parade and I lost it, had to go climb into bed and just have a good cry because Thanksgiving is that big holiday for me.  So this year, being able to spend time with some of the people that I love the most (and some that drive me the craziest!) is such a blessing.  I just wish I could have my folks around, too. 

Going to try to drag my butt out of bed to hit the shops with my sister-in-law in the morning.  I don't do Black Friday, so we'll see how that goes.  Meagan may come home and need a glass of wine at 8 AM.  Hey, it's cocktail hour somehwere, right?

I hope everybody had a great Gobble Gobble day.  I need to go beat my kids into submission and get them to brush their rotting teeth.  (Please don't report me to Child Services, I'm totally half-kidding about beating them.)

Good night!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

This is how bored I am.

I never ever ever do these things.  I ignore them when I get them in emails.  I iz bord.  BORD!  So I'm stealing this from Beth

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. I don't know anybody with the SAME birthday, but my daughter, my sister, and my best friend from high school all have the same birthday...which is my half birthday. 

2. Where was your first kiss? Ew, I think it was behind the church building.  Oooh, wait, no!  My brother's closet, some boy that I can remember what he looks like but not his name, we were 8 and practicing for when we were growed-ups.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No, but my granddad threw my ex-husband's TV down the stairs for made a LOVELY crash all the way down.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?  Just the occasional whacks at Brian, but he's too quick.  Butthead always wins.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yup.  High school choir, high school musicals, worship team at church, college choir, college worship team, and backup for Avery Stafford's first album, LIFT UP YOUR VOICE.  And that's my claim to fame.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Arms.  I love strong arms. 
7. What really turns you off? Arrogance.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Grande Skinny SF Cinnamon Dolce, light whip, brulee sprinkles.  NOM.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Marrying my ex, but it helped me become who I am, I learned a lot about myself, and the whole circumstance led me to Brian so I can't complain too much.  Although I know we would have ended up together anyway.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.  I don't do it anymore.  'Nuff said.

11. Say something totally random about yourself.  I have an addiction to what my sister and I call Trashy Korean Whore Shoes.  These shoes MUST have animal print on them.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? My nickname in HS was Molly Ringwald, so....

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I hear them because they're on, and if I'm in the same room reading I might look up every once in a while.  But in general, pleasegodno!

14. Did you have braces? Nope, I haz purdy teefs.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes, but I could go for my husband being a little taller. He doesn't like when I wear heels, I end up 6'. 
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? He didn't have time to do anything for Valentine's Day because they were in the middle of an exercise, so he stopped on his way home and got a box of X-Men valentine cards.  On each of them he wrote stuff like "To the sexy lady that I love, from the guy that can't keep his hands off of you."  He hid them all over the house, and I got to find them all.  I still have them.  In fact, I think I may pull them out tonight and re-read them.  Otherwise, I tell our friend Josh that he needs to give Brian romance lessons.

17. When do you know its love? When we can fart in the middle of gettin' it on and laugh about it.  Not that I've EVER done that.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Crazy cat lady.  I'm fluent.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? I have SAD, it helps a lot.  I wish I could afford it right now.
20. What magazines do you read? I have a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens that will never die, but I read it every once in a while. I also have a subscription to Food Network Magazine, and I read that cover to cover as soon as I get it.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?  Nope.  I'm po'.
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?  My brother died when he was 18, I was 22.
23. Do you watch MTV?  I don't even know what channel it's on.  Same with VH1.

24. What’s something that really annoys you?  WHINING.  Matt's been driving me nuts.

25. What’s something you really like?  When my kitties climb into my lap and start purring. 

26. Do you like Michael Jackson?  His music is pretty much my life's soundtrack.  I went & saw THIS IS IT, and cried because it brought back so many memories of my brother and some things we went through.

27. Can you dance?  Yes, of course!  Can I dance WELL?  Um, the ballerina hippos in Fantasia are probably more graceful than I am.  But I at least entertain my kids.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? I've gone awake for 36+ hours, can't remember why.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?  Nope. 

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? When I iz bord.  Like NOW.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Me & My Big Mouth

I try really hard to be a positive & kind person.  Sometimes, though, I let the snarky bitch inside get the best of me.  It's worse when I'm bummed or flat out depressed, because I don't realize that I'm letting her take control.

Apparently I've been bitchier & more selfish than I realized.  Yesterday it dawned on me that I hadn't seen a lady that I knew from way back when on FB recently.  I really enjoy her happy posts, she's just a genuinely nice person.  So I checked my friend list, and sure enough, she's not there anymore.  I haven't seen any posts from her since just after Halloween.  As far as I know she's still on FB, because she's still got an account.  I try to not let the snarky bitch show her face too much on FB, and I refrain from the potty mouth there because I have a lot of my old church friends on my FB.  So I'm not sure what I could have said to offend or hurt her so much that she'd un-friend me.  But, apparently I did, and that makes me sad.

This morning I decided I'd un-hide somebody that I had hidden for whatever reason that I can't remember anymore.  When I went to do so, I found that she wasn't on my friend list either.  And she's deleted her FB account.  WAIT!!!!  HA!!! NO, I spelled her name wrong!  Whew, I don't feel HALF as guilty whole point was this, last week I was talking to an old friend that knows this person, and I mentioned that the person is a  I left it at that, though.  So I got all worried that my friend had said something to the person, and that I had hurt her feelings. 

So there really is a tie-in for WLS/obesity with all of this.  (You thought I was just rambling, huh?) 

I've been in a funk lately.  I haven't wanted to go exercise, so I don't.  I eat things that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating.  (Helloooo?  Halloween candy?!  For an RNY patient?!)  I've been snarky and really hard on myself, feeling worthless and truly "non-marketable."  I think a lot of it is stemming from the fact that I'm a people pleaser, and by not getting hired or really even any bites for a job it feels like I'm failing at everything.  And because I can't self-medicate like I used to (delicious high fat foods & baked goods that I'd gorge on until I'd numbed whatever was bothering me) it starts the whole cycle all over again.  And again. And again. This whole FB thing just kind of topped things off, I guess.  With the first person un-friending me it reinforced the idea that I'm doing something wrong, or am not "pleasing."  With thinking that the second person had gotten off of FB because I had said something potentially mean and it had gotten back to her (see how important I am in my world?) it made me realize how...cranky? petty? mean? negative? I've been lately.

Just because we're getting thinner after WLS, it doesn't change who we are.  We may be happier with the circumstances in our life that are dictated by weight, but we may still have to work on being happy with WHO WE ARE, as well.  We ended up obese because we didn't know how to deal with being unhappy with our circumstances or who we are.  If we don't learn healthy ways to deal, and focus on the joys in life rather than what's dragging us down...what's the point?  At some point we'll just start the ugly cycle again. 

So I'm starting over, starting today.  It's time to be positive, to bring joy wherever and to whoever I can, and to realize that *gasp* it's not all about me.  It's time for me to allow myself to be pleased with who I am.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


As post-ops we have to be careful about how much we eat.  It's no longer a matter of "ooooooooooohhhh, mah bellay hurts, I ate too much" and then be done with it.  No way dude, we've gotta COMPLICATE things.

Bandsters generally get what they call the foamies, and PB's (Productive Belching - upchucking chunks).  Amy has some fabulous tales of PB's, quite entertaining.

Not me though.  I get the Slimies.  Most of the time I know what's going to set it off...just eating too much usually does it.  If I'm not paying attention and I'm either eating too fast, bites that are too big, or just too much, I'm done for.  Off to scrub the toilet so I can make the noise of a cat hacking up a hairball.  (Brian finds this greatly amusing.)

A few weeks ago Slimer really took me by surprise.  I had made a roast in the crock pot, and I had figured that since it was so tender that it fell apart, I'd be ok.  Notsomuch.  I didn't think about the fact that the meat fell apart in long fibers.  And it was beef, so no matter how much you chew chew chew, it's still going to ball up at least a bit in your pouch.  Long fibers just make the ball worse.  All it took was one bite, as I was getting the kids' plates dished up.  In less than a minute I realized I was getting that slimy feeling in the back of my throat.  Then it was filling up my mouth, so much that I could almost chew it.  I kept swallowing to try to make it stop, but no go.  Back up it came.

There IS a physiological reason for Slimer.  If you eat something that your pouch isn't able to handle or pass through your body is going to try to provide the lube to get the job done.  Slime.  Once you have enough slime in your pouch it will either lube the food enough to slide through the opening, or it will make it easier to get it back up. 

Thankfully, throwing up isn't the trauma that it was before surgery.  Before, I would have panic attacks if I got sick, I was always afraid of choking on the bile and the grossness of it all was just...ew!  Get it out of my head!  Anyway, for a good long while post-op we don't have bile.  And since the pouch is so small, just some hairball hacking can get whatever is disagreeing out with no problem.  I'm not saying this to encourage bulimia...I'm just saying that since it IS going to happen sometimes, thank goodness it's not the traumatic event that it used to be.

There is, of course, an easy way to avoid all this.  Don't eat things you shouldn't eat!  If your doc or dietitian hasn't cleared you for beef yet, don't eat it. Eat TENDER meat.  You're only getting a little bit, go ahead and get the tenderloin instead of the chuck steak.  Don't overcook it, and don't overcook your chicken or pork.  Take tiny bites. (That's what bites me in the butt the most.)  As obnoxious as it sounds...chew chew CHEW!  The closer your food is to baby food consistency, the fewer problems you'll have.  Most important, pay attention to your pouch.  If it says that it's STARTING to feel full, you've already eaten too much. 

Have a great day, listen to your body, and you'll be free from meeting up with Slimer the Hairball Hacker!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I have snacks that I buy just for me.  Mostly protein bar type stuff, but I have the mom-stash of M&M's hidden in my nightstand drawer, beef jerky...stuff like that.  Two weeks ago I bought a box of Atkin's Caramel Peanut Nougat protein bars, and ate one.  I left the box in the van for my "Oh crap I forgot to eat!" moments. 

Tonight I went and got the box out of the van.  And a bar was missing.


I buy these people I live with PLENTY OF FOOD.  I make them cookies!  I supply them with fresh fruit and veggies that I don't put a limit on!  There's ALWAYS leftovers.  The ONE thing I ask is that they stay out of my mom-stash stuff, because almost all of it is PROTEIN for me, and I NEED MY FRIGGIN' PROTEIN. 

I think I might just cave in and buy a lock-box for my snacks.  MY SNACKS! 

And the best part......the protein bars don't even taste that great.  I hope they get constipated.  *pout*

Friday, November 6, 2009

Random Friday stuff

1.  My heart goes out to the family and friends of the Ft. Hood victims.  I'm sick to my stomach and relieved at the same time that the shooter is alive.  At least justice can be carried out this time.

2.  OFFICIALLY NOT PREGNANT!!  Thank you, God!  I love my children, I love babies, but I just want to borrow babies. 

3.  A friend that I've talked to for a few years via message board has moved to OKC, and she and her family are coming over tonight.  I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED.  She's one of my favorite people on the board.  With a name like Amy she can't be bad, right?  LOL 

4.  Did I mention that I'm looking for a job?  It sucks, I really want to be a SAHM still, and if I could figure out this whole "get paid to blog" thing I'd just do that, but...well...NEED MUNNIES NOW.  One of the jobs I applied for is "Canteen Supervisor" at a correctional facility in a town 30 minutes away.  And, somehow, I'm qualified for it.  They must be desperate.  I'm hoping to get the "Social Services Assistant" job, though, doing transition assistance with members that are getting out of the military.  I think I'd be good at that.  I just REALLY don't want another call center job.

5.  I'm vaguely thinking about writing a book.  My mom is really encouraging me on it, she's always liked my writing.  But that's what moms are supposed to do, right?  I have a title and subject, but that whole "nobody wants to read what I have to say" thing is holding me back.  Besides the fact that I wouldn't have the first clue on how to get published, although technically that's not true because I have some folks at a message board that could point me the right way. 

6.  We seriously need to win the lottery.  I already have planned out exactly how we'd spend and invest, what we'd do, all that fun stuff.  All we need is that winning ticket.

7.  I saw my PA in passing this week, the one that got me started on this whole surgical weight loss thing.  I called out to her and she saw me and looked confused.  I stood up and said, "It's Meagan!" and she just gaped at me.  She didn't recognize me at all.  LOL  Felt great!

8.  This week is the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street.  I loved that show when I was a kid, and....(can you keep a secret?) I still do.  If I knew what channel PBS was on I might even watch it by myself.  Wow.  It was only 7 years old when I was born.  I'm getting oldish. I used to sing a bunch of Sesame Street songs to my kids when they were babies, and my favorite is still Ernie's "I'd Like to Visit the Moon."  The version with Shawn Colvin is still beautiful.  I still get teary eyed when I hear it.  Happy Birthday, Sesame Street!

9.  I really need to clean my office.  Maybe if I do I'll find the inspiration to come in here and start writing my book? 

10.  If we won the lottery, I'd totally hire an organizer to come to my house and get everything in order.  And train my kids on how to be organized.  I'm good at STARTING being organized, but I don't stick to it. 

11.  The loveseat is here in the office right now.  Do I want to keep it in here, or move it back into the living room?

12.  I think I've been really depressed lately.  Probably from the whore-moans being all wacky, with a little bit of current financial circumstances thrown in for good measure.  Think I'm going to have to bump up my Happy Mommy Pills. 

13.  I've been stuck at 169ish pounds for a few weeks now.  After my last cycle I dropped ten pounds in just over a week.  I'm really hoping that happens with this cycle.  If it does I might actually make goal weight by my birthday after all.  At the least I'd like to make goal by my next appointment, December 22nd. 

14.  Bri's been working on an ORI (Operational Readiness Inspection) all week, so he's had to be at work before dawn some days.  This is really jacking with my sleep.  He's noisy when he gets up, and always kisses me goodbye.  Once I'm awake, I'm awake.  Grrrrrr.......  At least he kisses me goodbye.  Un-grrrrr.....

15.  I've been playing a dangerous game this week and telling myself it's OK because it's the PMS.  I've been getting into the Halloween candy.  I love me some fun size Butterfingers.  And if I only eat one (at a time!) I don't get sick.  Problem is I do this several times a day.  Good thing is...Butterfingers are almost gone.  ;)  Thankfully I don't crave chocolate or sugar all the time, I think this week has just been particularly cravey. 

16.  I love watching my cats sleep.  The sprawl is just hilarious.  Yeah, I speak crazy cat lady, fluently.

17.  I think we're going to find a church to start going to, again.  I have nothing nice to wear so it's going to have to be a super casual church (finally there are a few here in OK) but I'm still most comfortable with Church of Christ in some ways.  Then again, because of some things that happened looooooooong ago, I have a hard time trusting the Church of Christ.  I have to tell myself that it was different people, different circumstances.  Anyway, I've been having that feeling in my heart that I just really need to get back to church.  I miss it.

18.  I need some nicer clothes.  For work and for church.  Back in September I gave away an entire wardrobe of business casual clothes and haven't been able to replace anything.  I don't even have a nice pair of pants, just jeans.  And it's one of those, "I need a job so I can get some decent clothes, but can't get decent clothes until I have a job" type things.  ERGH. 

19.  Lottery.

20.  Lottery.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This is what I get for joking that I want another baby.

Because I DON'T want another baby.  We took measures to be sure that we WON'T be having more babies.  The three we've got right now do JUST GREAT driving me crazy, they don't need any more help.

Back in July I had a crazy menstrual cycle.  Lots of clotting, super gross, I ended up in the ER.  I think I blogged about it, because...well...I blog about everything.  Anywhoozle...since then my cycles have been fine.  Maybe a little bit lighter and shorter in duration, but still REGULAR. 

Now I'm about a week late.  I had a few PMS symptoms last week, mostly really sore breasts and craving chocolate.  But I never started my period.  My breasts started getting sore again last night, and I had some really light (as in "am I imagining this?") spotting last night, but it's gone today.  And I'm so freakin' tired.  Then again, that could be from the time change and probably being a bit anemic since I'm out of my iron supplement. 

Here's the thing.  I've peed on a stick TWICE now, and I think I might again tomorrow.  One of my friends online has told me that I need to get some white pants and spend $20 on pregnancy tests and THAT will start my period. LOL 

I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Like...90% sure.  And that 10% scares the crap out of me.  It's really not healthy to get pregnant so soon after weight loss surgery, and every single surgeon will advise against it.  Your body is already working so hard at losing the weight and then it gets all confused because it has to work even harder to grow a new life.  (Your body works as hard to grow a baby as it would to climb a mountain.  Didja know that?)

I've been looking up articles online and most of the studies I've seen reference menstrual cycles becoming MORE regular after weight loss.  I haven't found a single one that mentions a missed cycle.  And while I have lost a lot of weight fairly quickly, it's been a steady loss and it's not an unhealthy loss to where I'm underweight.  Amenorrhea just doesn't make sense to me, in this situation. 

Brian had a vasectomy, six years ago.  (In fact, the day I was supposed to start my cycle was the anniversary. LOL)  So like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I'm still freaking out.  I think I'm going to go call Sarah, Dr. G's nurse. 

Beth & Shelly, I could use your input on this!!!

Deep Zumba thoughts

When I'm bouncing and shaking my stuff at Zumba, I'm also thinking really deep thoughts.  And by deep I mean a lot of them start with "Dude!"  Super deep, right?  I really amuse myself with my deep thoughts, and every once in a while I might even get a little profound.  OK, not often, but still...

* Dude!  I just bought these pants two weeks ago!  Don't fall off already!

*  Look at all those husbands watching us.  Wusses.  Get yer butts in here, you can DOOOO iiiit!!! 

*  No more coffee for Joan.  NO MORE!  (Joan is my favorite instructor, and I swear she was on speed yesterday.  The good kind!)

*  Huh.  Why are people watching me to keep up?  I'm watching that chick up there, SHE's keeping up with Joanie!  Oh wait, I guess I am too.  COOL!  People are actually watching ME to keep up!!  Who'da thunk it?

*  Crap, my water is gone.  Bigger bottle next time!

*  Ooooh, yay!  My favorite song!  BOOM BOOM!

* More spins!  Pick a spot to focus on so you don't get dizzy.  Who am I kidding?  I'll get dizzy anyway.

*  Dude!  I just did the salsa-kicky-thing almost right!  Suh-weet!

*  Chicken dance?  Really?  I can't do that by itself without falling over, how am I supposed to do it and swing my hips at the same time?  Nah-nah-nah-nah-nuh-nuh-nuh....

*  Move feet!  Quit tripping me!

*  Hey, Halloween is over!  Why do I still have batwings?  Good thing there's nobody behind me, they might get smacked by flying flesh.

*  Dude!  I can see my collar bones!  I'm still shocked every time...

*  HOW is that woman not breaking a sweat?  She's keeping up just as well as everybody else.  Dang, if she weren't so cute I'd have to hate her.

*  Why do women bother getting all prettied up with full makeup to go work out?  Doesn't it feel like a mask sliding off once you start sweating?  EW.

*  More water!  I think I've sweated it all out.  I smell like I did!

*  I wonder if the sno-cone place is still open?  Mmmmmmmmm.......snooooooowwwwwcoooonnne....

*  More husbands watching.  Dude, they look jealous that we can Zumba and they think they can't. 

*  Wish I could get Brian to Zumba.  He won the motorcycle battle, I should be able to get his ass in here, to at least try it once.

*  I want to be a Zumba instructor when I grow up.  Too bad I'd fall on my face in front of everybody.  "THAT WASN'T PART OF IT!!!" 

*  Classic Rock Zumba would be freakin' awesome.  Queen!  Bowie!  The Who!  Zepplin!  The Doors!  AC/DC!!!!! 

OK, so that was just a smidge....maybe someday I'll grace you with more Zumba thoughts...LOL