Slimer!

As post-ops we have to be careful about how much we eat.  It's no longer a matter of "ooooooooooohhhh, mah bellay hurts, I ate too much" and then be done with it.  No way dude, we've gotta COMPLICATE things.

Bandsters generally get what they call the foamies, and PB's (Productive Belching - upchucking chunks).  Amy has some fabulous tales of PB's, quite entertaining.

Not me though.  I get the Slimies.  Most of the time I know what's going to set it off...just eating too much usually does it.  If I'm not paying attention and I'm either eating too fast, bites that are too big, or just too much, I'm done for.  Off to scrub the toilet so I can make the noise of a cat hacking up a hairball.  (Brian finds this greatly amusing.)

A few weeks ago Slimer really took me by surprise.  I had made a roast in the crock pot, and I had figured that since it was so tender that it fell apart, I'd be ok.  Notsomuch.  I didn't think about the fact that the meat fell apart in long fibers.  And it was beef, so no matter how much you chew chew chew, it's still going to ball up at least a bit in your pouch.  Long fibers just make the ball worse.  All it took was one bite, as I was getting the kids' plates dished up.  In less than a minute I realized I was getting that slimy feeling in the back of my throat.  Then it was filling up my mouth, so much that I could almost chew it.  I kept swallowing to try to make it stop, but no go.  Back up it came.

There IS a physiological reason for Slimer.  If you eat something that your pouch isn't able to handle or pass through your body is going to try to provide the lube to get the job done.  Slime.  Once you have enough slime in your pouch it will either lube the food enough to slide through the opening, or it will make it easier to get it back up. 

Thankfully, throwing up isn't the trauma that it was before surgery.  Before, I would have panic attacks if I got sick, I was always afraid of choking on the bile and the grossness of it all was just...ew!  Get it out of my head!  Anyway, for a good long while post-op we don't have bile.  And since the pouch is so small, just some hairball hacking can get whatever is disagreeing out with no problem.  I'm not saying this to encourage bulimia...I'm just saying that since it IS going to happen sometimes, thank goodness it's not the traumatic event that it used to be.

There is, of course, an easy way to avoid all this.  Don't eat things you shouldn't eat!  If your doc or dietitian hasn't cleared you for beef yet, don't eat it. Eat TENDER meat.  You're only getting a little bit, go ahead and get the tenderloin instead of the chuck steak.  Don't overcook it, and don't overcook your chicken or pork.  Take tiny bites. (That's what bites me in the butt the most.)  As obnoxious as it sounds...chew chew CHEW!  The closer your food is to baby food consistency, the fewer problems you'll have.  Most important, pay attention to your pouch.  If it says that it's STARTING to feel full, you've already eaten too much. 

Have a great day, listen to your body, and you'll be free from meeting up with Slimer the Hairball Hacker!