Saturday, July 25, 2009

Miss you, dude.

Today is the 11th anniversary of my brother's death. He was 18 years old.

I still get so angry at him for dying so young. We found out the day that he died that his ex was pregnant with his kid. He never told us. My nephew will never know his dad, my kids will never know their uncle. His death essentially destroyed the remainder of my family.

I never got to know him as an adult. We didn't get along as all. The last time I saw him I had just turned 22, he was 17, and it was Christmas. Brian, Bethany and I flew home to be with my family for the holiday. That was the last time my family has ever been all together on a holiday. Getting to know him over those few days...he's somebody I would have wanted to know.

Some years his anniversary just passes by unnoticed. I remember it, but it doesn't bother me as much. This year it's like a slap in the face. I've been dreading today for over a week now. I think it's because back in February my mom told me some details about the crash that I had never known. It's fresh all over again. I woke up this morning from a dream about him. He's been on my mind all day. I can't put into the right words for my kids why I'm in such a mood today, even though I'm trying to be in a decent mood. I'm impatient with my husband, and I'm sorry for it. Everything is just raw today, no matter how hard I try to mask it.

Hell...I even ate 1/4 of a doughnut.

Anyway...I miss you, bro.

Anthony Scott Wick January 17, 1980 - July 25, 1998


Mary said...

awww, Meg I am so so sorry.

My Boyfriend and I go thru the same thing every Feburary 20th thats when his older brother took his own life, he had 4 little girls who loved him so much but now hardly even remember who he is, I totally understand how you feel because my daughter will never know her uncle as well and it hurts all the time to think about it. I hope that you get thru the day and just know that Im thinking about you today.

Angie said...

Big hugs, Meg.

Amy said...

Well my skinny long lost sister, thank you for sharing this with us. I am sorry that this year was harder and that you didnt have a chance to get past the sibling bullshit that comes when you are younger.

We love you.