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Friday, May 15, 2009

It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!

(Title is a link!)

I've had that song in my head since yesterday morning when I realized that TODAY starts my final countdown. Today is my last day of solids for a VERY.LONG.TIME. Tomorrow I officially start my liquid diet. WHOO-HOO!!! Who knew I'd ever be excited about subsisting on liquids only?

Today is such an incredibly beautiful day. We've had some pretty miserable weather lately, so I'm especially thankful for the blue blue blue sky. It's a tad windy (this is Oklahoma, when is it NOT windy?) but that just dries the soggy ground out a little faster. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able to plant the plants that I bought for the back yard four weeks ago. I think I'll open the windows and let the breeze come through as I get my chores done. I love this kind of weather, it just gives me that extra bolt of happiness.

We're supposedly having a yard sale this weekend, but I've done jack & squat to get ready for it other than get the garage cleaned & price a few items. I have a feeling I'm going to be up all night getting ready for it. I seem to have lost my motivation for it.

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to post this for a while. A few weeks ago I was in my room folding laundry when the kids got home from school. They all came in to do their homework in my room, and we were chit-chattin', when Catey asked me, "Mommy, why do you want to be not fat anymore?"

GAH.

First I had to explain to her that we don't call people fat, and I don't call myself fat. Trying to get the healthy body image stuff rooted in their heads now so it's not such a worry later on. Then I went on to explain that while yes, I am severely overweight, I'm not doing it to be skinny. That's just an added bonus. I'm doing this so I can be healthy and run around and do more fun stuff with them. She accepted that and we carried on with laundry and homework.

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd now......I'm realizing that I do let the "f" word and "s" word slip out more than I should. It's so easy to say that I'm NOT doing this because of my body image, but really...in a lot of ways I am. In my head I'm still the cute, skinny 20 year old that I was when I met Brian. Even after being overweight for so long I'm still surprised every time I look in the mirror. My kids have only ever known a fluffy mommy, and I don't want their memories of their childhoods to be with me sitting on the sidelines because I couldn't participate. I wonder how my WLS will define the rest of their growing up, and can only pray that it will be positive for them as well.

While my mom was here she saw the way Bethany eats and said something to her about it, which REALLY ticked me off. Granted, Beth eats a ton right now. However, SHE'S 11 AND GROWING LIKE CRAZY. She's grown 5 inches just this school year. She's skinny as a whip, too. She eats like a teenage boy sometimes. But she almost always makes healthy choices. Even when she's sneaking into food (which is my only issue with this, I snuck food a lot when I was a teen) she's sneaking fruit & cheese. Yeah, if there's chocolate in the house she'll get into that, but she doesn't eat it all at once. Anyway, when I heard my mom tell Beth that she needs to be careful about the way she eats because someday her body is going to decide that it doesn't need that much food anymore, and if she keeps eating that way she'll end up heavy...I WAS LIVID. Yes, it was true. However, I'M her mom, and if I think that she's approaching a problem I WILL DEAL WITH IT. For the time being she's a growing girl with a normal and healthy appetite.

I don't want the kid to have the body issues that I did when I was a teen. I was 5'7" and about 150-160, wore a size 12 and I was convinced I was fat. All the other girls around me weighed maybe 115 and wore a size 4. Then again, they were 5'2" and bulimic/anorexic. My grandmother didn't help by telling me when she noticed my weight fluctuating by just a few pounds. A few years ago I saw a pic of myself when I was a senior, wearing one of the snap-crotch body suits, jeans, and a crochet vest. I COULD NOT BELEIVE HOW SLENDER I WAS. I wasn't fat at all. I just had curves, when none of the bulimic girls did. I had been visiting some old friends from school when I saw this pic, and we got into a conversation about teenage body image and how ugly and fat we (the girls) felt. The husband looked at me with a "what the hell are you talking about" look, and told me, "Um, Meg...you were smokin' in high school. Most of the guys didn't talk to you because you were hot AND you had a confidence that scared them."

Um...right. Whatever. I still don't see it, but it sure felt good to hear it.

Ok, that went on way longer than I had expected it to, and I need to go get cleaned up for grocery shopping and errands.

Hehehe...Matt just came in here and got the umbrella stroller that I'm putting in the yard sale. He's got his stuffed Goofy in it, and he took him out to the back yard to wheel him around. He's such a good little daddy!

1 comments:

Angie said...

Great post Meg! Enjoy your day of food, this is where your journey truly begins!!

I can totally relate to what you mean about feeling so fat in hs and looking back and thinking we look great. I was heavier in HS, probably 180s and felt like the ugliest person alive. Now? I'd kill to be 180! I looked curvy and fit and it kills me that I couldn't appreciate that... Maybe if I had I wouldn't have gotten this far.